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What are 5 categories of change in the family?
- 1. Marriage
- 2. Divorce
- 3. Sexual Intimacy
- 4. Having Children
- 5. Raising Children
What are 4 factors of family change?
- Cultural shift - family centeredness to individual centerdness
- Economic changes
- Religious matters = less important
- Women's issues
What is a transitional character?
- “They are the individuals
- who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow
- find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on their
- children. They break the
- mold. They refute the observation
- that abused children become abusive parents that the children of alcoholics
- become alcoholic adults, that the sins of the fathers are visited up on the
- heads of the children to the third and fourth generation. Their contribution to humanity is to
- filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations
- downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive
What are the 8 ways to become a transitional character?
- Deliberateness - purposefully planning family identity, rituals, and ways of living apart from what we have learned.
- Distinctive family rituals
- Maintaining emotional distance: Balance is the key NOT emotional cutoff but emotional distancing
- Marrying later than average - more time to see the world, how people operate, other families, increase your knowledge of base of options.
- Reading good books on family life - once again increasing your knowledge and widening your list of options
- Joining organizations
- Getting an education
- Developing a new philosophy on life
What are generational transmissions?
Any pattern/process passed on in families and has an impact on lifestyle and how they function.
Why are generational transmissions so strong?
- Deeply embedded
- You are around them 24/7
What is Triangulation?
When two parts of a family system have an ongoing conflict and the focus of something or someone else as a way of gaining control over the situation or stabilizing their problem. Examples include bringing a child into the parents' fight or focusing on dishes or finances rather than parental relationship.
What is Fusion?
A situation whithin families in which the patterns, rules, rules sequences, and family paradigm conspire together to negative family members' individuality.
What is Differentiation?
The ability to maintain appropriate emotional distance from other family members; to appropriately separate, segment, and make different.
What is a generational alliance?
When 2 or 3 individuals in a family align themselves together so they are a clique or semi-unique unit in the family.
What is an inter-generational alliance?
- Relationships that cross generational lines.
- Usually within a nuclear family.
- Ex: Parent to child.
What is an example of a healthy Generational Alliance?
Parental alliance, united front.
What is an example of an unhealthy generational alliance?
Parent/child become the decision making body.
What is emotional cut off?
An attempt to deny fusion rather than resolve it, an ineffective method that results in disconnectiong from the family but still produces all the feelings of the effects of fusion.
What is the exaggeration principle?
- When a family confronts a problem - they use the techniques within their own paradigm to solve it. The more serious the problem - the stronger the paradigm becomes.
- Borrowing from other paradigms is more useful.
What are the 4 main temperament types according to Kiersey?
- (SJ) Guardians - sensation/judgment
- (SP) Artisans - sensation/perception
- (NT) Rationals - Intuition/thinking
- (NF) Idealists - Intuition/feeling
What is the definition of Temperament?
Consistent behavioral style. the characteristic way a person responds to life, things/people; his/her usual mood, activity level, intensity of organizing things, how we naturally interact with others, how comfortable we are in making decisions.
What are characteristics that go with temperament?
- Strong genetic cause
- Manifest as early as 2-3 months
- Differences detected by mothers
- Temperament is often used to describe infants among researchers
- Pre-existence - developed some beforehand
What is personality?
Those thoughts, feelings, desires, intentions, and actions that contribute to the imporant aspects of individuality.
What are the two messages sent in communication?
What is a digital message?
The actual words spoken
What is an analogic message?
The unspoken part: Nature of relationship, context in which words are used, tone of voice, body language, etc.
What is a double bind situation?
A double bind is an emotionally distressing dilemma in communication in which an individual (or group) receives two or more conflicting messages, in which one message negates the other. This creates a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other (and vice versa), so that the person will be automatically wrong regardless of response. The double bind occurs when the person cannot confront the inherent dilemma, and therefore cannot resolve it or opt out of the situation. For example, if your employer tells you to do a job, but doesn't allow enough time for you to do it, and you are in danger of losing your job if you question the situation, you are in a double bind.
What is a paradoxical message?
Two conflicting messages/ideas sent at the same time. Often one digital, and one analogic. Paradoxical messages are dangerous because there is no pleasing or win-win or way out.
What are 6 causes for unhealthy communication?
- Traditional male roles (don't express your feelings)
- Strong feelings of inadequacy (if you knew what I was really like, you wouldn't like me)
- May feel ashamed or guilty about feelings (sometimes i feel attracted to other people, and it makes me feel guilty becaue i should only be attracted to you)
- May feel vulnerable (if i express my anger, it would destroy you)
- May be fearful that their feelings and desires will create conflict (If i told you how I felt , you would get angry)
- Finally, unless we learned it in our family of origin and marry someone who learned them well - it can be hard.
What are the 5 emotional love languages?
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
What are Constantine's 3 family paradigms?
What is an Open Family Paradigm?
- Style of life that emphasizes dialogue, communication, patience, and willingness to change.
- Belief in adaptability and innovation and looking for new ways to do things.
- Belief in negotiation and collaboration as the fundamental ways to live and cope.
What is a closed family paradigm?
- Cluster of fundamental beliefs that emphasize continuity, steadiness, and conventional ways of doing things.
- They believe that security and belonging are very important.
- Concern about deviations from what they believe is right.
What is a random family paradigm?
- Emphasize discontinuity and the maximize of change.
- Radical focus on the present.
- Novelty, creativity, and individuality.
- Flexible in traditions.
- Rigid in emphasizing individuality.
What is a paradigm?
- Defined as the enduring, fundamental shared and general assumptions or beliefs that families develop about the nature and meaning of life, what is important, and how to cope with the world they live in.
- Deeply held beliefs.
- Many are unconscious.
Why are paradigms powerful?
- They are shared in a family.
- Hard to take off the glasses
How are paradigms formed?
- Formative years
How are paradigms changed?
- Crisis/Transitional periods of big change
What is a Level 1 idealogy?
Thinking that deals with specific outward behaviors and actions in a family.
What is a level 2 idealogy?
Ideas about or behind level 1
What is a level 3 idealogy?
- Deep almost hidden beliefs
- Powerful and pervasive influence
- Highly abstract philosophies
What are Gottman's 4 horseman of the apocalypse in order?
What is the Criticism horseman?
- 1st horseman
- Involves attacking someone's personality or character - rather than a specific behavior - usually with blame.
What is the Contempt horseman?
- 2nd horseman
- The intention to insult and psycholgically abuse your partner.
What is the defensiveness horseman?
- 3rd horseman
- Follows close behind the 2nd. when contempt is present, you react defensively. It makes matters worse, because both feel victimized by the other - neither take responsibility - both plead innocent.
What is the stonewalling horseman?
Do men talk about emotions or feelings?
What do women not want to talk about?
Lack of relationship
How do men approach life?
How do women approach life?
Are men trying to stay in relationships or get out of them?
Are women trying to stay in relationships or get out of them?
How do men respond to problems?
Try to solve
How do women respond to problems?
What do men speak mostly about?
Leisure: Sports, hobbies, fitness, and movies
What do women speak most about?
What is emotional intelligence?
EI describes the ability, capacity, skill or in the case of the trait EI model, a self-perceived grand ability to identify, assess, manage and control the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups.
What is the attachment theory?
Within attachment theory, attachment means an affectional bond or tie between an individual and an attachment figure (usually caregiver). Such bonds may be reciprocal between two adults, but between a child and a caregiver these bonds are based on the child's need for safety, security and protection, paramount in infancy and childhood.