Marriage Enhancement Midterm

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rolandtc
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109607
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Marriage Enhancement Midterm
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2011-10-17 13:46:39
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Mid term
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Mid Term
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  1. What are 2 categories of stressors on marriages today?
    • External
    • Internal
  2. There are many 2000 yr old Roman bridges still standing. However, these bridges only allow foot traffic. What comparisons were made from these bridges to marriages today?
    If heavy stress was applied to some marriages (more heavy traffic), they would collapse just like the bridges.
  3. What are 2 examples of external stressors?
    • Natural Adversity
    • Financial Stress
  4. What are 3 causes of internal stressors?
    • Personal Imperfections
    • Selfishnes (Rugged Individualism)
    • Lack of Attention
  5. What are 4 ways to let the fire burn out in your marriage?
    • Conflict Habituated
    • Bury they differences
    • Live in parallel universes
    • Let marriage become a corporate merger
  6. Dangerous Undercurrent Quote by Gottman:
    “Its as though some powerful, subterranean current takes hold of you both and leads you down a path of negative thinking, destructive feelings, painful action, and reaction, drifting toward isolation and loneliness. What is this mysterious current?” HOW you fight makes a difference and is “one of the most telling ways to diagnose the health of your marriage.”
  7. How can you avoid being pulled under (Gottman Undercurrent Quote)?
    2 Ways
    • Make hidden forces visible
    • Start to control the direction of your marital journey
  8. What is the current young adult divorce rate?
    67%
  9. By what percent has the number of divorces in America increased in the last 30 years?
    200%
  10. What percent of US marriages are first marriages?
    50%
  11. Since 1970, what percent growth has America seen in Unmarried-couple households?
    • 400%
    • 523,000 - 4 million
  12. According to 1993 federal government statistics, how many babies were born outside of wedlock?
    Over 1.2 million (31% of all births)
  13. According to 1993 federal government statistics, what proportion of adolescents contract an STD before they graduate high school?
    1/4
  14. In 1995, approximately what percent of women who had a child were not married at the time of the birth?
    • 32%
    • It was 5.3% in 1960
  15. Currently what percent of women between the ages of 40-45 are childless in America?
    • 17.5%
    • Up from 10% in 1980
  16. How many abortions are performed annually around the world?
    50 million
  17. How many pregnancies end in abortion in America?
    Nearly 1/3
  18. Since the 1973 Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision, approximately how many abortions have there been per year?
    1.5 million
  19. About half of US women will have an abortion at some point in their life. True or False?
    True
  20. Of American women of reproductive age, how many have had an abortion?
    1 in 5
  21. More than 996,000 documented cases of child abuse or neglect were confirmed in 1996 in America. True or False?
    True
  22. Family well being has declined despite what 3 things?
    • Less children/family
    • More educated parents
    • High levels of public spending
  23. In 1996 what percent of all married mothers which children under age 18 worked?
    • 74%
    • 38% worked full time
  24. In 1996, more than half of the mothers with children under age 6 were either working or looking for work. True or False?
    True
  25. What are the 2 main reasons American women are entering the work force?
    • Inflationary pressures
    • Rising standard of living
    • *Women go to work mostly out of choice rather than necessity*
  26. In 1950 what percent of householders were unmarried?
    22%
  27. In 2000 what percent of householders were unmarried?
    48%
  28. In 1998, what percent of parents in one parent households were college graduates?
    9%
  29. In 1998, what percent of parents in two parent households were college graduates?
    29%
  30. Name the percentage of same sex female households with kids in 1990 and 1998.
    • 1990 - 14%
    • 1998 - 17%
  31. More than 70% of all juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes. True or False?
    True
  32. Name the percent of all households run by single moms in 1970 and 1999.
    • 1970 - 5%
    • 1999 - 9%
  33. What are the 4 big requirements for any family?
    • Love
    • Adequate supervision
    • Structure
    • Consistency
  34. In a statistic about kids living with single parents earning under $12,500/year in 1998, what percent lived with fathers? And what percent lived with mothers?
    • Fathers - 17%
    • Mothers - 41%
  35. Why do we need an X-Ray of our marriage?
    • Recognize destructive patterns that lead to divorce.
    • Be able to reverse those patterns.
  36. What are 6 reasons that divorce has increased?
    • Family farm economy changed to factories making families less important.
    • Laws make divorce easy.
    • Women are economically more independent.
    • Increasing violence in society.
    • Sexual revolution.
    • Ir-religiosity and low level of commitment.
  37. How can conflict be the key to marital happiness?
    A lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.
  38. What are the 3 ways to resolve differences? (3 types of marriages)
    • Validating
    • Conflict Avoiding
    • Volatile
  39. What is a validating relationship?
    • Compromise often
    • Calmy work out problems
    • Mutual satisfaction
  40. What is a conflict avoiding couple?
    • Agree to disagree
    • Rarely confront differences head on
  41. What is a volatile couple?
    • Conflics erupt often
    • Passionate disputes
  42. What are the 5 causes of the demographic winter?
    • Fear
    • Growing population of working women
    • Cohabitation
    • No-fault divorce
    • Selfishness
  43. What are the 6 consequences of the Demographic Winter?
    • Aging population
    • Depression/recession
    • childless homes
    • Gradual weakening of the West
    • Abandoned cities
    • Children suffer
  44. What is a principle according to the student manual?
    A principle is an enduring truth, a law, a rule you cna adopt to guide you in making decisions. Principles help us apply the doctrines of the gospel to everyday living and give us a light to illuminate the path before us in this ever-darkening world.
  45. Prep Video 1: Why is the male only half of the problem? What does the female do?
    • The male withdraws
    • The female pushes more which causes the male to withdraw more
  46. Prep Video 1: What is escalation?
    One of the spouses says something engative and the response from the other spouse is negative instead of trying to approach what was being said.
  47. What is the magic formula?
    5 positive things said or done to 1 negative thing said or done
  48. What are 3 things researchers look for to determine marriage type?
    • Frequency of fights
    • Facial expressions/psychological responses (heartbeat, sweating)
    • Tone of voice/what is said
  49. What are some identifying characteristics of a validating marriage?
    • Good at communication
    • Good listeners
    • Validate each others feelings even if they don't agree
    • Pick battles carefully
  50. In a validating relationship, what are the 3 phases of disagreements?
    • Air opinions
    • Persuade each of rightness of their position
    • Negotiate a compromise that both can live with
  51. What are some risks of validating couples?
    Turn into passionless arrangement where romance and selfhood are sacrificed for friendship and togetherness.
  52. What are some characteristics of a volatile couple?
    • Thrive on skirmishes
    • Fight frequently
    • Fight and make up
    • Won't listen to other points of view when arguing
    • No discussing, only persuading
    • All about winning
    • Make up easily
  53. What are some risks of a volatile couple?
    • Letting conflict consume happy times
    • Violence in extreme cases
    • Playful teasing cna hurt feelings
    • Harsh words
  54. What are some characteristics of an avoidant couple?
    • Make light of differences rather than solve
    • Agree to disagree
    • Avoid discussions that iwll result in deadlock
    • Reaffirm love for each other and accept the rest
  55. Risks of avoidant couples?
    • Unschooled on how to resolve conflict
    • Become lonely
    • Partners feel the other person doesn't know them
  56. In the early stages of marriage couples have to negotiate to figure out what type of marriage they will have. True or False?
    True
  57. What is the 2nd law of thermodynamics (entropy) and how does it apply to marriage?
    Overtime anything that has nothing done to it will eventually get worse, even if you are doing nothing bad to it as well.
  58. What are the 2 basic marital nutrients?
    • Love
    • Respect
  59. Why can't marriages be all positives?
    Differences need to be aird and resolved for love to thrive.
  60. What are the daily dozen?
    • Show interest/be affectionate
    • Be an engaged listener
    • Show you care
    • Be appreciative
    • Show your concern
    • Be empathetic
    • Be accepting
    • Joke around
    • Share your joy
    • Be less extreme in expressing negatives
    • Be less critical of spouse
    • Be more positive/less defensive when listening
  61. Prep Video 2: What does SLT stand for?
    Speaker listener technique
  62. Prep Video 2: What are the key advantages of SLT? (4 things)
    • Slows things down and reduces the chances of escalation.
    • It keeps both partners in the discussion and helps cut out withdrawal.
    • Both partners can safely state their views about the issue without interruption and thus reducing invalidation and increasing validation.
    • With SLT, you can be a better listener with forming rebuttal.
  63. Prep Video 2: When do we want to use the SLT?
    When you hit a difficult issue or topic
  64. Prep Video 2: What is containment?
    Minimizing damaging elements
  65. Prep Video 2: What 2 things does anger do to a discussion?
    • Don't get what you want
    • Hides the real issue
  66. Prep Video 4: What are the 6 primary hidden issues?
    • Power
    • Caring
    • Recognition
    • Commitment
    • Integrity
    • Acceptance
  67. Prep Video 4: What are 4 indicators that there are hidden issues?
    • Wheel spinning
    • Trivial triggers
    • Avoidance
    • Score Keeping
  68. Sex: What are 3 ways men and women differ?
    • Biochemically
    • Anatomically
    • Emotionally
  69. What are men sexually excited by?
    Visual stimulation
  70. What are women sexually excited by?
    Touch
  71. What are men sexually attracted to?
    Physical body
  72. What are women sexually attracted to?
    • Romantic aura
    • Personal character
  73. Sex is the outcome of a good relationship. True or False?
    True
  74. What are 5 stumbling blocks with sex?
    • Dissatisfaction with amount
    • Disagreement on how to keep sexual relationships interesting
    • Difficulting discussing sexual issues openly
    • Lack of affection
    • Not satisfied with affection
  75. What are 4 sexual strengths in happy couples?
    • Satisfaction with amount of affection
    • Sexual relationship is satisfying and fulfilling
    • Partners do not use/refuese sex in unfair ways
    • Ability to communicate
  76. What are tokens of affection?
    • Flowers
    • Sendinga note with lunch
    • Calling just to see how they are doing
    • *Just as imporant as physical things*
  77. What are 2 types of marital melt down?
    • Hostile engaged - argue hotly
    • Hostile detached - yell and abuse, but neither really listening to what the other is saying
  78. What is the 1st horseman?
    Criticism
  79. What is the 2nd horseman?
    Contempt
  80. What is the 3rd horseman?
    Defensiveness
  81. What is the 4th horseman?
    Stonewalling

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