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What are 2 categories of stressors on marriages today?
There are many 2000 yr old Roman bridges still standing. However, these bridges only allow foot traffic. What comparisons were made from these bridges to marriages today?
If heavy stress was applied to some marriages (more heavy traffic), they would collapse just like the bridges.
What are 2 examples of external stressors?
- Natural Adversity
- Financial Stress
What are 3 causes of internal stressors?
- Personal Imperfections
- Selfishnes (Rugged Individualism)
- Lack of Attention
What are 4 ways to let the fire burn out in your marriage?
- Conflict Habituated
- Bury they differences
- Live in parallel universes
- Let marriage become a corporate merger
Dangerous Undercurrent Quote by Gottman:
“Its as though some powerful, subterranean current takes hold of you both and leads you down a path of negative thinking, destructive feelings, painful action, and reaction, drifting toward isolation and loneliness. What is this mysterious current?” HOW you fight makes a difference and is “one of the most telling ways to diagnose the health of your marriage.”
How can you avoid being pulled under (Gottman Undercurrent Quote)?
- Make hidden forces visible
- Start to control the direction of your marital journey
What is the current young adult divorce rate?
By what percent has the number of divorces in America increased in the last 30 years?
What percent of US marriages are first marriages?
Since 1970, what percent growth has America seen in Unmarried-couple households?
According to 1993 federal government statistics, how many babies were born outside of wedlock?
Over 1.2 million (31% of all births)
According to 1993 federal government statistics, what proportion of adolescents contract an STD before they graduate high school?
In 1995, approximately what percent of women who had a child were not married at the time of the birth?
Currently what percent of women between the ages of 40-45 are childless in America?
How many abortions are performed annually around the world?
How many pregnancies end in abortion in America?
Since the 1973 Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision, approximately how many abortions have there been per year?
About half of US women will have an abortion at some point in their life. True or False?
Of American women of reproductive age, how many have had an abortion?
1 in 5
More than 996,000 documented cases of child abuse or neglect were confirmed in 1996 in America. True or False?
Family well being has declined despite what 3 things?
- Less children/family
- More educated parents
- High levels of public spending
In 1996 what percent of all married mothers which children under age 18 worked?
In 1996, more than half of the mothers with children under age 6 were either working or looking for work. True or False?
What are the 2 main reasons American women are entering the work force?
- Inflationary pressures
- Rising standard of living
- *Women go to work mostly out of choice rather than necessity*
In 1950 what percent of householders were unmarried?
In 2000 what percent of householders were unmarried?
In 1998, what percent of parents in one parent households were college graduates?
In 1998, what percent of parents in two parent households were college graduates?
Name the percentage of same sex female households with kids in 1990 and 1998.
More than 70% of all juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes. True or False?
Name the percent of all households run by single moms in 1970 and 1999.
What are the 4 big requirements for any family?
- Adequate supervision
In a statistic about kids living with single parents earning under $12,500/year in 1998, what percent lived with fathers? And what percent lived with mothers?
- Fathers - 17%
- Mothers - 41%
Why do we need an X-Ray of our marriage?
- Recognize destructive patterns that lead to divorce.
- Be able to reverse those patterns.
What are 6 reasons that divorce has increased?
- Family farm economy changed to factories making families less important.
- Laws make divorce easy.
- Women are economically more independent.
- Increasing violence in society.
- Sexual revolution.Ir-religiosity and low level of commitment.
How can conflict be the key to marital happiness?
A lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.
What are the 3 ways to resolve differences? (3 types of marriages)
- Conflict Avoiding
What is a validating relationship?
- Compromise often
- Calmy work out problems
- Mutual satisfaction
What is a conflict avoiding couple?
- Agree to disagree
- Rarely confront differences head on
What is a volatile couple?
- Conflics erupt often
- Passionate disputes
What are the 5 causes of the demographic winter?
- Growing population of working women
- No-fault divorce
What are the 6 consequences of the Demographic Winter?
- Aging population
- childless homes
- Gradual weakening of the West
- Abandoned cities
- Children suffer
What is a principle according to the student manual?
A principle is an enduring truth, a law, a rule you cna adopt to guide you in making decisions. Principles help us apply the doctrines of the gospel to everyday living and give us a light to illuminate the path before us in this ever-darkening world.
Prep Video 1: Why is the male only half of the problem? What does the female do?
- The male withdraws
- The female pushes more which causes the male to withdraw more
Prep Video 1: What is escalation?
One of the spouses says something engative and the response from the other spouse is negative instead of trying to approach what was being said.
What is the magic formula?
5 positive things said or done to 1 negative thing said or done
What are 3 things researchers look for to determine marriage type?
- Frequency of fights
- Facial expressions/psychological responses (heartbeat, sweating)
- Tone of voice/what is said
What are some identifying characteristics of a validating marriage?
- Good at communication
- Good listeners
- Validate each others feelings even if they don't agree
- Pick battles carefully
In a validating relationship, what are the 3 phases of disagreements?
- Air opinions
- Persuade each of rightness of their position
- Negotiate a compromise that both can live with
What are some risks of validating couples?
Turn into passionless arrangement where romance and selfhood are sacrificed for friendship and togetherness.
What are some characteristics of a volatile couple?
- Thrive on skirmishes
- Fight frequently
- Fight and make up
- Won't listen to other points of view when arguing
- No discussing, only persuading
- All about winning
- Make up easily
What are some risks of a volatile couple?
- Letting conflict consume happy times
- Violence in extreme cases
- Playful teasing cna hurt feelings
- Harsh words
What are some characteristics of an avoidant couple?
- Make light of differences rather than solve
- Agree to disagree
- Avoid discussions that iwll result in deadlock
- Reaffirm love for each other and accept the rest
Risks of avoidant couples?
- Unschooled on how to resolve conflict
- Become lonely
- Partners feel the other person doesn't know them
In the early stages of marriage couples have to negotiate to figure out what type of marriage they will have. True or False?
What is the 2nd law of thermodynamics (entropy) and how does it apply to marriage?
Overtime anything that has nothing done to it will eventually get worse, even if you are doing nothing bad to it as well.
What are the 2 basic marital nutrients?
Why can't marriages be all positives?
Differences need to be aird and resolved for love to thrive.
What are the daily dozen?
- Show interest/be affectionate
- Be an engaged listener
- Show you care
- Be appreciative
- Show your concern
- Be empathetic
- Be accepting
- Joke around
- Share your joy
- Be less extreme in expressing negatives
- Be less critical of spouse
- Be more positive/less defensive when listening
Prep Video 2: What does SLT stand for?
Speaker listener technique
Prep Video 2: What are the key advantages of SLT? (4 things)
- Slows things down and reduces the chances of escalation.
- It keeps both partners in the discussion and helps cut out withdrawal.
- Both partners can safely state their views about the issue without interruption and thus reducing invalidation and increasing validation.
- With SLT, you can be a better listener with forming rebuttal.
Prep Video 2: When do we want to use the SLT?
When you hit a difficult issue or topic
Prep Video 2: What is containment?
Minimizing damaging elements
Prep Video 2: What 2 things does anger do to a discussion?
- Don't get what you want
- Hides the real issue
Prep Video 4: What are the 6 primary hidden issues?
Prep Video 4: What are 4 indicators that there are hidden issues?
- Wheel spinning
- Trivial triggers
- Score Keeping
Sex: What are 3 ways men and women differ?
What are men sexually excited by?
What are women sexually excited by?
What are men sexually attracted to?
What are women sexually attracted to?
- Romantic aura
- Personal character
Sex is the outcome of a good relationship. True or False?
What are 5 stumbling blocks with sex?
- Dissatisfaction with amountDisagreement on how to keep sexual relationships interestingDifficulting discussing sexual issues openly
- Lack of affection
- Not satisfied with affection
What are 4 sexual strengths in happy couples?
- Satisfaction with amount of affection
- Sexual relationship is satisfying and fulfilling
- Partners do not use/refuese sex in unfair ways
- Ability to communicate
What are tokens of affection?
- Sendinga note with lunch
- Calling just to see how they are doing
- *Just as imporant as physical things*
What are 2 types of marital melt down?
- Hostile engaged - argue hotly
- Hostile detached - yell and abuse, but neither really listening to what the other is saying
What is the 1st horseman?
What is the 2nd horseman?
What is the 3rd horseman?
What is the 4th horseman?