Exam 2- FCD 3355

a deep and vital emotion that satisfies certain needs, combined with a caring for and acceptance of the beloved and resulting in an intimate relationship.

• (Being needs)
• Arise in the present rather than deficits from the past.

• (Deficiency needs)
• count on others to make us feel worthwhile.

accept partners for themselves, not for ability to change and meet another's requirements.

• Both men and women want psychological and physical intimacy.
• Men are equally loving but women are primarily responsible for the success of love.
• Love is expressed verbally and women are more verbal.

Intimacy- close connected bond with another person; intimate communication and sharing of oneself.

Passion- drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation.

Commitment- decision to love someone and commitment to maintain that love.

Consummate love- has all three components of Theory of Love

Companionate love- intimacy and commitment

Infatuation- passion is high, low on other components

• Eros
• Storage
• Pragma
• Agape
• Lodus
• Mania

intense emotional attachment; powerful sexual feelings

affectionate, companionate with mutual commitment, respect, friendship and common goals

rational assessment of partners assets and liabilities; relationship as economic and emotional security

unselfish concern for others needs even when it requires personal sacrifice (altruistic)

love as play or fun; playful flirtation and sexuality

• strong attraction and emotional intensity.
• Includes jealousy, moodiness (euphoria and depression)

• maintains relationships by consistently ignoring one's own legitimate needs.
• Can become angry victim

seek to control feelings, attitudes and behaviors of partner in underhand ways.

• Often attract one another and form "symbiotic relationship"
• Expect each other to provide a sense of meaning or purpose

• Love equals infatuation
• If it isn't perfect it wasn't mean to be
• You can't rekindle passion
• One true soul mate; meet the right person and live happily ever after
• Love conquers all; if the going gets tough it means you have the wrong person
• Love is static; fall in love and stay on a high forever
• Love is a feeling; either you have it or you don't

• Children whose needs are met, form a secure attachment which leads to trust in relationships.
• Avoid attachment style- often leads to evading emotional closeness.
• Resistance (ambivalent) attachment style- fear of abandonment; disappointment in relationships.
• If both spouses are anxious and insecure, marriage will reflect those qualities.
• If one spouse is secure, other anxious person may become more secure.

• Parental divorce increases risk of martial instability and divorce in offspring. Why?
• More and more serious personality problems
• Lack of exposure to supportive community on problem solving skills
• Less commitment in relationships
• More accepting attitude towards divorce

Youth from divorced families more likely to select high risk partners, who are also from divorced families

attractiveness, intelligence, earning potential, personality, family status, emotionally supportive

"wrong" social class, religion or race/ethnic group, irritable or demanding

Women- ability to bear and raise children, domestic duties, sexual accessibility, physical attractiveness

Men- protection, status and economic support

group on individuals who, by virtue of their background or birth, are considered more likely compatible

Americans tend to marry people like themselves: similar race, age, education, religious background and social class

marrying someone dissimilar in race, age, education, religion and social class

• Geographical availability- proximity
• Education and social class
• Social pressure
• Feeling at home

• Stability- how long a union lasts
• Happiness of both partners
• Marriages that are homogenous in age, education, religion and race are most stable

• Differences in values and interests can create lack of understanding and increase conflict between spouses
• Discrimination from society created distress
• Lack of support and social networks

• Physical attractiveness: attracts partners initially
• Rapport: do they feel at ease together, common values, matched on sex drive and attitudes about sex?

• Personal energy- better chance for success when your general energy level matches your partners.
• Outlook- how well do your attitudes and moods match? Is one person cheerful and the other one usually serious?
• Predictability- need for familiar patterns and places vs. need for variety

• Usually begins with a verb and psychological abuse
• Occurs with jealousy.
• Experiencing domestic violence in one's family of origin is related to both abusing and accepting abuse.
• Women often feel "stuck" and assume a caretaker role

Historically, marriage was practical, economical agreement between extended families

Emerged in order to maintain the patriarchal line of descent.

Polygamy- Multiple spouses

Polyamory- Open to sexually love others than spouses

Swinging- Exchange of partners to engage in recreational sex

• Authority of kin and extended family weakened
• Individuals began to find their own marriage partners
• Romantic love became associated with marriage

Based on dutiful adherence to time honored marriage premise, especially norm of permanence

• Single earner breadwinner, homemaker of the 1950's.
• Strict division of labor, but expected to be companions

• Optional
• Roles are flexible: negotiable and renegotiable
• Expectation: love, communication and emotional intimacy
• Exists in diversity of family forms
• Gender equality
• Personal growth

• Greater wealth and assets
• More frequent and better sex
• Overall better health
• Less likely to engage in risky, dangerous behavior
• Fewer alcohol related problems
• Healthier lifestyle

• 1/2 as likely to drop out as children of single parents
• More frequent contact with parents and better quality
• Less likely to live in poverty

• 1970- 28% single
• Today- 44%
• Due in part to high divorce rate
• Young adults postponing marriage
• Growth of cohabitation
• Sex ratio- beginning in middle age, increasingly fewer men than women

• Expanding educational and career opportunities for women
• Middle-aged divorced women with sexual and financial independence
• Economic disadvantage and uncertainty make marriage less available

• More effective contraception
• Artificial insemination offers pregnancy options for un-partnered women

• Attitudes toward premarital sex have changed
• More emphasis on personal autonomy
• Being unmarried more acceptable and less deviant
• Cohabitation is more acceptable. Less parental pressure to marry.
• Marriage is no longer one of the few ways to gain adult status.