Exam 2- FCD 3355

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  1. Love is:
    a deep and vital emotion that satisfies certain needs, combined with a caring for and acceptance of the beloved and resulting in an intimate relationship.
  2. Legitimate needs-
    • (Being needs)
    • Arise in the present rather than deficits from the past.
  3. Illegitimate needs-
    • (Deficiency needs)
    • count on others to make us feel worthwhile.
  4. Caring and acceptance-
    accept partners for themselves, not for ability to change and meet another's requirements.
  5. Do men and women care differently?
    • Both men and women want psychological and physical intimacy.
    • Men are equally loving but women are primarily responsible for the success of love.
    • Love is expressed verbally and women are more verbal.
  6. Triarchic Theory of Love-

    3 components:
    Intimacy- close connected bond with another person; intimate communication and sharing of oneself.

    Passion- drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation.

    Commitment- decision to love someone and commitment to maintain that love.
  7. Types of Love:
    Consummate love- has all three components of Theory of Love

    Companionate love- intimacy and commitment

    Infatuation- passion is high, low on other components
  8. 6 Love Styles:
    • Eros
    • Storage
    • Pragma
    • Agape
    • Lodus
    • Mania
  9. Eros
    intense emotional attachment; powerful sexual feelings
  10. Storage
    affectionate, companionate with mutual commitment, respect, friendship and common goals
  11. Pragma
    rational assessment of partners assets and liabilities; relationship as economic and emotional security
  12. Agape
    unselfish concern for others needs even when it requires personal sacrifice (altruistic)
  13. Lodus
    love as play or fun; playful flirtation and sexuality
  14. Mania
    • strong attraction and emotional intensity.
    • Includes jealousy, moodiness (euphoria and depression)
  15. Martyring
    • maintains relationships by consistently ignoring one's own legitimate needs.
    • Can become angry victim
  16. Manipulating
    seek to control feelings, attitudes and behaviors of partner in underhand ways.
  17. Martyrs and Manipulators in relationships:
    • Often attract one another and form "symbiotic relationship"
    • Expect each other to provide a sense of meaning or purpose
  18. Misconceptions about Love (Pat Love)
    • Love equals infatuation
    • If it isn't perfect it wasn't mean to be
    • You can't rekindle passion
    • One true soul mate; meet the right person and live happily ever after
    • Love conquers all; if the going gets tough it means you have the wrong person
    • Love is static; fall in love and stay on a high forever
    • Love is a feeling; either you have it or you don't
  19. Attachment Theory, Mate Selection, and Marital Stability
    • Children whose needs are met, form a secure attachment which leads to trust in relationships.
    • Avoid attachment style- often leads to evading emotional closeness.
    • Resistance (ambivalent) attachment style- fear of abandonment; disappointment in relationships.
    • If both spouses are anxious and insecure, marriage will reflect those qualities.
    • If one spouse is secure, other anxious person may become more secure.
  20. Intergenerational Transmission of Divorce
    • Parental divorce increases risk of martial instability and divorce in offspring. Why?
    • More and more serious personality problems
    • Lack of exposure to supportive community on problem solving skills
    • Less commitment in relationships
    • More accepting attitude towards divorce
  21. Mate selection risk
    Youth from divorced families more likely to select high risk partners, who are also from divorced families
  22. Resources:
    attractiveness, intelligence, earning potential, personality, family status, emotionally supportive
  23. Costly attributes-
    "wrong" social class, religion or race/ethnic group, irritable or demanding
  24. "Traditional Exchange"
    Women- ability to bear and raise children, domestic duties, sexual accessibility, physical attractiveness

    Men- protection, status and economic support
  25. Marriage pool-
    group on individuals who, by virtue of their background or birth, are considered more likely compatible
  26. Homogamy
    Americans tend to marry people like themselves: similar race, age, education, religious background and social class
  27. Heterogamy
    marrying someone dissimilar in race, age, education, religion and social class
  28. Reasons for Homogamy:
    • Geographical availability- proximity
    • Education and social class
    • Social pressure
    • Feeling at home
  29. Martial success:
    • Stability- how long a union lasts
    • Happiness of both partners
    • Marriages that are homogenous in age, education, religion and race are most stable
  30. Reasons for difference in marital success
    • Differences in values and interests can create lack of understanding and increase conflict between spouses
    • Discrimination from society created distress
    • Lack of support and social networks
  31. Developing the Premarital Relationship
    • Physical attractiveness: attracts partners initially
    • Rapport: do they feel at ease together, common values, matched on sex drive and attitudes about sex?
  32. Harmonious needs in mate selection:
    • Personal energy- better chance for success when your general energy level matches your partners.
    • Outlook- how well do your attitudes and moods match? Is one person cheerful and the other one usually serious?
    • Predictability- need for familiar patterns and places vs. need for variety
  33. Dating violence:
    • Usually begins with a verb and psychological abuse
    • Occurs with jealousy.
    • Experiencing domestic violence in one's family of origin is related to both abusing and accepting abuse.
    • Women often feel "stuck" and assume a caretaker role
  34. Expectation of Permanence
    Historically, marriage was practical, economical agreement between extended families
  35. Expectation of Sexual Exclusivity
    Emerged in order to maintain the patriarchal line of descent.
  36. Alternatives to Sexual Exclusitivity:
    Polygamy- Multiple spouses

    Polyamory- Open to sexually love others than spouses

    Swinging- Exchange of partners to engage in recreational sex
  37. Emerging Individualistic Orientation:
    • Authority of kin and extended family weakened
    • Individuals began to find their own marriage partners
    • Romantic love became associated with marriage
  38. Institutional Marriage
    Based on dutiful adherence to time honored marriage premise, especially norm of permanence
  39. Companionate Marriage
    • Single earner breadwinner, homemaker of the 1950's.
    • Strict division of labor, but expected to be companions
  40. Individualized Marriage
    • Optional
    • Roles are flexible: negotiable and renegotiable
    • Expectation: love, communication and emotional intimacy
    • Exists in diversity of family forms
    • Gender equality
    • Personal growth
  41. Consequenses of Marriage for Spouses:
    • Greater wealth and assets
    • More frequent and better sex
    • Overall better health
    • Less likely to engage in risky, dangerous behavior
    • Fewer alcohol related problems
    • Healthier lifestyle
  42. Consequenses of Marriage for Children:
    • 1/2 as likely to drop out as children of single parents
    • More frequent contact with parents and better quality
    • Less likely to live in poverty
  43. Demographic changes related to being single:
    • 1970- 28% single
    • Today- 44%
    • Due in part to high divorce rate
    • Young adults postponing marriage
    • Growth of cohabitation
    • Sex ratio- beginning in middle age, increasingly fewer men than women
  44. Economic changes related to being single:
    • Expanding educational and career opportunities for women
    • Middle-aged divorced women with sexual and financial independence
    • Economic disadvantage and uncertainty make marriage less available
  45. Technological changes related to being single:
    • More effective contraception
    • Artificial insemination offers pregnancy options for un-partnered women
  46. Cultural changes related to being single:
    • Attitudes toward premarital sex have changed
    • More emphasis on personal autonomy
    • Being unmarried more acceptable and less deviant
    • Cohabitation is more acceptable. Less parental pressure to marry.
    • Marriage is no longer one of the few ways to gain adult status.
Card Set
Exam 2- FCD 3355
Chapters 6-11
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