Lecture 1 – Emotional Intelligence–Part 1

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Lecture 1 – Emotional Intelligence–Part 1
2011-11-15 18:01:17

Lecture 1 – Emotional Intelligence–Part 1, The Leader’s Self Understanding and Spiritual Formation
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  1. 1. Recognize the four types of leaders and their characteristics on the Synchrony/Emotional Tone Leader Grid.
    (Sect. 2.3.3)
    • Resonant leaders: connect to others' needs (synchrony) and engage others (positive emotional tone).
    • Clueless leaders: don't connect to others' needs (don't have synchrony) but they engage others (positive emotional tone).
    • Demagogue leaders: connect to others' needs (synchrony) but they don't engage others (negative emotional tone).
    • Dissonant leaders: don't connect to others' need (don't have synchrony) and they don't engage others (negative emotional tone).

  2. Recognize the difference between IQ and EQ (Sect. 3.l)
    • 3.1 Why do smart people fail (for reasons other than “sin”)?
    • 3.1.1 IQ (Intelligence Quotient) = Intellectual Abilities
    • 3.1.2 EQ (Emotional Quotient) = Emotional Intelligence (EI)

  3. “The capacity for recognizing our own emotions and those of others, for motivating ourselves and others, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”
    • the definition of Emotional Intelligence (Sect.3.4).

  4. Recognize aspects of the Emotional Competency Grid and the twelve EI Competencies in the gird (Sect.3.5.1-3.5.2)

    • Self-Awareness (SA)
    • 1. Emotional Self- Awareness**
  5. Self-Management (SM)
    • 1. Achievement Orientation
    • 2. Adaptability
    • 3. Emotional Self-Control**
    • 4. Positive Outlook
  6. Social Awareness (SoA)
    • 1. Empathy**
    • 2. Organizational Awareness
  7. Relational Management (RM)
    • 1. Conflict Management
    • 2. Coach and Mentor
    • 3. Influence**
    • 4. Inspirational Leadership
    • 5. Teamwork
  8. Recognize the difference between Dissonant and Resonant Leader

    • Dissonant (Non-Resonant), Ineffective leaders maintain the status quo
    • Resonant, Effective leaders embrace change
  9. Recognize the emotional competencies of Dissonant (non-resonant) leaders
    • Sef-Focused (SA)
    • 1. Ego Driven
    • 2. Put their own insterests 1st in relationships
  10. Externally Focused (SM)
    • 1. Define self by how they think others see them
    • 2. Define self by how well they obtain external resources
  11. Internally Closed (SoA)
    • 1. Stay in own comfort zone
    • 2. Deny external signals for change
  12. Comfort-Centered (RM)
    • 1. Engage in problem-solving
    • 2. Live in a reactive state
  13. Recognize the emotional competencies of Resonant leaders
    • Other-Focused (SA)
    • 1. Driven by the common good 1st
    • 2 Increased authenticity and transparency: trust
  14. Internally Directed (SM)
    • 1. Examinng self & closing gaps between values and behavior- not divorced
    • 2. Reachiong higher levels of personal security & confidence
  15. Externally Open (SoA)
    • 1. Go outside comfort zone
    • 2 Experimenting, seeking real feedback, and learning.
  16. Purpose-Centered (RM)
    • 1. Clarifying what they are trying to create
    • 2. Transparent purpose
    • 3. Committed and engaged
  17. Emotional intelligence (EI), the capacity to fully engage oneself and others to move a church forward, is the differentiating factor between great and average leaders.
    The good news is that EI is not a genetic trait; it can be developed.
    Recognize why Emotional Intelligence is necessary for effective leadership and pastoring. (Sect. 3.6.3)
  18. Helping another person make progress on their intentional change.
    Recognize the definition of coaching
  19. Recognize the differences between coaching and other helping relationships
    • Coaching is NOT …projecting, mentoring, problem solving, or a tool.
    • Coaching is a subset of a larger category of helping relationships such as pastoral counsel, mentoring, counseling, therapy, etc.
  20. 1. Empathy & Social Awareness – sensitive to & caring for the “other person”
    2. Emotional Self-Awareness – focusing and managing projections
    3. Pattern recognition – tap into the “streams” and “connecting the dots”
    Recognize the key competencies of coaches
  21. PSNS Arousal(parasympathetic nervous system—"rest-and-digest" activities)
    Left Pre-frontal Cortex
    Ideal Self
    Future Oriented
    Possibility Focus
    Recognize Positive Emotional Attractors (PEA's)
  22. SNS Arousal(sympathetic nervous system—“fight or flight response”)
    Right Pre-frontal Cortex
    Real Self
    Gaps & Weaknesses
    Problem Focus
    Performance Improvement
    Development Plan
    Recognzie Negative Emotional Attractors (NEA's)
  23. Those who helped: PEA's= 80% NEA's= 20%
    Those who tried to help but failed: PEA's= 45% NEA's= 55%
    Focus: PEA's= Ideal Self and Strengths NEA's= Real Self and Gaps
    Pre-Frontal Cortex: PEA's= Left (PSNS) NEA's= Right (SNS)
    Ratios: (PEA's to NEA's) 4:1 or 13:1

    PEA:NEA 4:1 Ratio—when coaching, we should give people a ratio of 4 positive comments for
    every one negative comment.
    PEA:NEA (13):1 Ratio— when coaching, if we give people a ratio of 13 or more positive
    comments for every one negative comment, they will not believe us.
    Recognize the importance of PEA’s in supportive and trusting relationships (Discovery #5)
  24. • Personal vision, passions, values contentment, satisfaction, energized?
    • Highpoints of life?
    • Things to accomplish before dying?
    • “Dream” jobs?
    • 15 Years from now?
    • Legacy questions (backdoor to vision)
    • Critical incident or time when person felt most effective, energized, etc.?
    • Can it be better seen in a different context?
    • What would you do differently? (Caution if person has lots of regrets)

    When coaching a person, avoid the impulse to move too quickly to the Real Self (Discovery
    #2) or Planning (Discovery #3) – STAY with the Ideal Self for a time Why? The Ideal Self – thinking about the person God made you to be, the
    person that energizes you—creates positive emotional energy for addressing the Real
    Self and for change.
    • Clarity often increases as we age.
    Recognize how to discover the Ideal Self in yourself and in others (Sect. 7.3.2 & 7.3.6)
  25. Recognize the characteristics of the Ought Self and how it differs from the Ideal Self. (Sect. 7.3.7)
    • Could be a projection of others (parents, friends, boss, etc.) onto you
    • The Ideal Self is what you dream about when walking down the street, what
    • you’re animated and energized by; it is often hidden
    • The Ought Self is characterized by words like “should” or “ought,” which
    • engage the Right Frontal Cortex (performance center) rather than the Left Frontal
    • Cortex (animation & emotional center)
    • The Ought Self can create a tension for Christians in understanding their calling
    • The Ought Self is not typically energizing but often “jumps out.”
    • • Often seen in person’s body language.
    • When coaching a person, ask the question
  26. Who we are right now. Romans 7:15- "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do..."
    Recognize the "Real Self"
  27. Gaps and Weaknesses are frightening to admit. It’s hard to get good feedback We don’t enjoy, so we don’t seek feedback

    We are not aware of Johari's Window:
    Public: What I and others know about me
    Hidden: What I know about me but others don't
    Blind: What others know about me but I don't
    Unkown: What I and others don't know about me
    Recognize the reasons why discovering the Real Self is so difficult
  28. 360° EI Assessments assist us to discern our current levels of Emotional Intelligence competencies
    Recognize how “360 Degree” EmotionalCompetency Assessments (360’s) can help us discover our currentlevels of EI competency. (Sect. 8.2.3)
  29. • Formal – Hay Group © Emotional and Social Competency Inventory (ESCI) @$250, with feedback from an accredited coach
    • Informal – Asking questions to get at the competencies in the Emotional Intelligence
    Competencies Grid
    • Two Parts
    - Our own assessment of our EI
    - Other’s assessment of our EI – manager, pastor or leader, peers, friends, spouse
    • Why 360’s?
    – Helps us avoid self-deception, positive or negative
    – “Wake-up Call” – sometimes surprises us into action (while at other times
    confirms what we suspected)
    – Humility factor
    – Being resonant or “in tune” is NOT just what I think
    Recognize how “360 Degree” EmotionalCompetency Assessments (360’s) can help us discover our currentlevels of EI competency. (Sect. 8.2.3)

  30. Thinking about the Results of 360’s
    • Balanced focus on Strengths & Gaps – remember the PEA:NEA 4:1 ratio
    • Allow time to pray over and understand before engaging coach or supporting
    • Ask appropriate questions
    – What was surprising?
    – What was not surprising?
    – What do you plan to do with the information?
    • Ask assessors for clarifying information or feedback (if assessors are identified and
    – Don’t rebut or evaluate – just collect information as impassively as possible
    –“Tell Me More” attitude
    – Seek examples
    – Don’t let off the hook
    – Listen to them
    – Thank them
    – Walk away
    Recognize how “360 Degree” EmotionalCompetency Assessments (360’s) can help us discover our currentlevels of EI competency. (Sect. 8.2.3)