When listening to the client, what are the 3 levels on the internal landscape which influence the client's speaking?
Seeing Language - how they see what they see
Feeling Language - how they feel in response to the experience
Hearing Language - how they hear internally and externally in response to the experience (Listening)
What are the essential characteristics of BMIRs? (2)
A way for the coach to perceive on the physical level in order to tap into the client's experience.
Careful observation of the client's body language & eye movements which give clues about their internal landscape.
What are some example of BMIRs? (9)
Mouth - tense, bitten, held together, size, shape, etc.
Facial tone (aura)
Facial color - does pallor change?
Head tiltBreath - locale, volume, rate, depth
Posture - include hands and feet
Voice - tone (hi or low), tempo, volume, pitch, frequency, rate, inflection
What are the four possible eye modes and meanings for BMIRs?
Upper right - future view or possibility
Upper left - past memory map of what is believed and remembered about past experience
Lower right - feeling; emotion associated with past experience
Lower left - internal dialog; what the client says/hears within
What are the essential characteristics of Care-Frontation? (4)
Brings to the client's awareness questionable or challenging behavior patterns and conversations that are not in alignment with intentions, agreements, commitments of the relationship or the client's course of action.
Purpose is to "wake the client up."
Preserves personal integrity and authenticity.
Clarifies present and possible future consequences of inappropriate action &/or inaction.
What are some example statements demonstrating Care-Frontation?
I would like you to listen to what I am saying before you respond. I have observed that ___.
Beloved, I am not sure you are aware of this, it has been my experience that ___.
Hear me out before you respond, I hear you say ___ and yet I have observed you doing ___.
What are the characteristics of Compassionate Self-Forgiveness? (7)
Forgiveness clears mental & emotional energy held hostage by past negative memories and experiences.
Forgiveness is a choice to accept and release the past. One is then free to make new choices regarding how the memories and experiences influence, dictate or control the present experience.
It promotes emotional healing, freedom (from judgments of self and others), and inner balance.
It opens the heart through compassionate application of love.
It teaches tolerance of self & others.
It offers others the grace of your experience.
Supports the clean up of the toxic emotional dump of judgment.
What is the process for Compassionate Self-Forgiveness? (4)
Offer yourself forgiveness for the judgments you are aware of making. Use any of the following statements: I forgive myself for judging myself as ___. I forgive myself for judging ___ as ___. I forgive myself for judging my experience of ___ as ___.
Continue to make self-forgiveness statements until nothing comes present.
Completion is evident by a shift in energy.
Follow self-forgiveness with self-appreciation to seal the emotional and mental energy shift. I appreciate myself for ___.
What are the essential characteristics of Conscious Connected Breathing/Rebirthing? (8)
A choice to remain present and available to self while experiencing internal or external conflict.
A choice to move beyond limited perceptions of reality and false responsibilities.
A choice to clear negative &/or inappropriate mental and emotional energy.
A choice & opportunity to heal/override mental and emotional imprinting (i.e. changing habits) resulting in the integration of unconscious & habitual emotions.
A choice & opportunity to heal/release birth trauma.
A process to override the unconscious death urge.
Demonstrates self-support and self-nurturing.
Opportunity to consciously connect to and experience Divine Presence.
What are some characteristics of Conscious Sharing? (4)
Sharing information about yourself and your experiences related to the same or similar experience confronting the client.
Sharing with the client the essential message or lesson that may be present in an experience.
Expressing yourself authentically to establish trust, honesty and mutual respect.
Supports cleaning up a toxic emotional dump of hopelessness.
What are some sample expressions of Conscious Sharing? (4)
I understand what you feel/felt because I...
I have been in the same situation and what I learned was...
I know the anger, fear, shame, etc. you feel because I...
I've never had that experience but what I do know is...
What is the process for Conscious Sharing? (4)
Ask spirit's assistance in bringing forth what will have the greatest healing benefit for you and those who are listening.
Remember that you are talking to a Divine creation of God who loves you enough to listen and support you.
Support yourself and your client on all levels: mental/thoughts, emotional/feelings, physical/body language and voice level & tone, spiritual/use breath, prayer and meditation.
Share what is meaningful and relevant as it relates to your experience and the client's intention.
What are some characteristics of Exploring Feelings? (7)
Support the client towards awareness, acknowledgement and acceptance of her internal landscape.
Support the client into a deeper understanding of both internal and external incongruencies that hinder the full manifestation of intentions.
The process used to move the client from the mental or intellectual analysis of an emotion to the experience of an emotion for the purpose of healing the internal landscape.
Provide a deeper understanding of the conscious influences on experiences.
Facilitate non-judgmental honoring and ownership of the truth of an experience.
Facilitate self-trust & self-honoring.
Open the heart to self-awareness, support and nurturing.
What questions support the client in becoming present with their emotions while Exploring Feelings? (8)
Can you share with me how it feels for you to talk about this?
What can you tell me about how that felt for you?
What are you feeling right now?
How did you feel when ___?
When you think about that experience/situation how does it make you feel?
What can you tell me about how you felt when ___?
Be aware of the speaker's body language, expressions, tears, hand gestures, etc.
Before touching or assisting ask:how can I support you? Would you like a tissue? Can I get you some water?
What are some characteristics of Facilitating Choice? (7)
The foundation of all experiences.
Supports the client in recognizing how choices made align with personal integrity (being true to self) as well as achieving congruency with needs and desires.
Supports a client in making choices that are in alignment with the experiences desired and the intention stated.
Facilitates self-supportive action related to total well-being.
Allows for active and conscious participation in the creation of personal reality.
Identifies what really matters & possible choices.
Supports cleaning up the toxic emotional dump of blame and helplessness.
What is the process for Facilitating Choice? (3)
Support the client in identifying what, if anything, he could do differently to alter his current experience. If you could do something different, what might it be?Invite the client to explore and examine how the choice would better serve the experience he desires to have. Can you share why you believe this choice would alter your current experience?Support the client in identifying any negative self-talk or expectation related to this choice. When you think about this choice & having the experience it would bring forward for you, what do you tell yourself? Would you be willing to share with me what you believe has prevented you from making the choice before? Do you foresee any possible resistance from within yourself or from others if you were to make this choice?
What are some characteristics of Facilitating Commitment to Self? (7)
A commitment is an agreement & obligation for both coach and client.
The coach & client will do what they say they will do, when they say they will do it.
It is "walking your talk" which can only occur when there is an agreement within the self, with the self & for the self.
This process is incomplete until a time-line for action has been completed.
Demonstrates the level of respect and self-love with which one holds oneself.
Facilitates the development of self-trust and self-worth.
Diminishes the need & pursuit of external validation.
What is the process for Facilitating Commitment to Self? (4)
Thank the client for sharing her intention of what she wishes to experience.
Ask: What are the steps you believe will be required to realize this experience? Are you willing to make a commitment to take these steps to realize this experience? When will you begin? How long will you continue? By when will you complete this commitment? Be supportive, encouraging and use positive reinforcement.
Have the client re-state the final commitment and watch BMIR for resistence.
What are some characteristics of Facilitating Inner Cooperation? (5)
Requires the client to identify and move beyond mental & emotional resistance.
Gives voice to and acknowledges inner resistance.
Expresses fears that may go unrecognized.
Supports, guides and assists the client in taking conscious action towards a desired outcome in the creation of reality.
Supports the client in developing a deeper level of self-trust, self-respect, and self-support.
What are some questions which demonstrate Facilitating Inner Cooperation? (4)
Can you share with me how this experience has manifested in your life?
What do you tell yourself would happen if you were to have what you desire in life?
Can you identify any fears you may have about actually having the experience you described?
What do you believe is the barrier to this happening in your life?
What are some characteristics of Facilitating Ownership? (5)
All forward movement & conscious action is grounded in the awareness that every individual is totally responsible for their inner experience, including all thoughts and emotions.
Assuming responsibility for all emotional upset experienced supports the client towards the elimination of casting blame, holding judgments and making projections onto others or external circumstances.
It supports the development of the ability to make conscious choices in response to emotional upset.
How you relate to the issue is the issue.
Supports cleaning up the toxic emotional dump of blame and projection.
What are some example questions of Facilitating Ownership? (7)
You were upset because...
You were angry because...
What did you tell yourself about yourself in the midst of the experience?
What did you tell yourself as a result of the experience?
What did you tell yourself about others involved in the midst of the experience?
What did you tell yourself about others involved as a result of the experience?
What did you tell yourself about God?
What are the essential characteristics of Focused Questioning? (10)
Often used to elicit a yes or no response.
Encourages responsibility, accountability and commitment.
Supports maintaining focus on the needs, desires and intentions.
Facilitates forward movement of a session.
Placed appropriately and strategically in dialogue to clarify, illuminate and draw out additional information.
Used to re-present information to a client when resistance or vagueness are evident in the dialogue.
Offered as support in a supportive tone (avoid rapid fire interrogation) to minimize the possibility of triggering a defense mechanism.
Used to facilitate the client in coming present to underlying feelings and thoughts. (called getting the client's attention).
Used to encourage deeper thought and consideration.
While Perception checking asks if an intuitive inkling is accurate, a focused question states the inkling as if it is true.
When is Focused Questioning used?
To clarify the information presented by the client and to illuminate or elicit information from the client.
A focused question is used to elicit more specific information when the client brings forward material that presents a variety of options.
The essence of the focused questioning process is that it is a supportive way to move the client toward taking responsibility and being accountable for feelings and choices.
Resistance, avoidance or denial must be clearly present in the client's conversation for a focused question to be effective and supportive.
What is the process for presenting Focused Questions? (9)
See the loving essence of the person with whom you are communicating.
Set a clear intention to bring forward information in a loving and supportive manner.
Call forth your guardians, angels and guides for support in presenting the most effective question available in support of the client.
When you perceive or experience that the client is speaking in a general or vague manner as it relates to a specific experience, intention or desire, use a focused question to state what you sense.
Before asking the question, take a moment to frame it constructively.
Share with the client your intention for asking the question.
Use focused questioning to support the client in elaborating on the material they have brought forward. Examples: "Am I understanding you to say...?" "Are you saying...?" "Do I understand you to mean...?" "Do you mean to say...?"
When using focused questions be sure to maintain and demonstrate an attitude of prizing and positive reinforcement to avoid having the session disintegrate into an interrogation.
When using a focused question in the process of care-frontation, ask for permission to present a difficult or challenging question.
As a form of Focused Questioning, when might a coach generate inquiry?
The coach generates inquiry when the client is resistant, is not thinking big enough or is not taking all possibilities and opportunities into consideration.
The coach can also generate inquiry when the client needs to/is ready to shift.
What is the process for generating inquiry? (5)
Ask the right question - one big enough that there is no ready answer for.
Engage the client in a discussion after they've thought about the inquiry. From the conversation which flows from the question often the client creates the answer. The thinking part is just the warm up.
Ask the big questions related to possibilities and opportunities that move the client beyond what is known and comfortable.
Using Facilitating Choice, support the client in exploring the options available.
Using Facilitating Commitment, support the client in creating a commitment to action.
As a form of Focused Question, when is it appropriate for the coach to Get the Facts?
To help the client distinguish what happened from their reaction and interpretation of what happened.
It is necessary to get the facts when the situation/events are not clear in the client's conversation; when the client is upset, when the client sinks into self-pity, whining or complaining, or is not clear about an experience or how to respond.
What is the process for Getting the Facts? (3)
Come fully present and see the loving essence of the client.
Ask the client, "What actually happened?" "How do you know that?" "Which part of this is proven, and which part is your opinion?"
Ask the client a series of questions, using the question words:
When did it happen?
Who was involved?
Where did it happen?
Why do you believe it happened?
How much involvement did you have in what happened?
What didn't happen that upset you?
How are you interpreting what happened?
Is there another possible interpretation?
Why are you choosing that interpretation?
As a form of Focused Questioning, when would a coach use Lasering?
Lasering is a relentless quest for the truth.
It is an advanced skill.
Use it when the client is blocked, resistant or cannot access the truth on their own.
It is appropriate and necessary to laser when a non-truth is presented. When the truth is presented, look for signs of an emotional release.
What is the process for Lasering?
Get the client's permission. e.g. "I need to ask you some really hard questions, no heat, no judgment. Are you willing?"
It is necessary to establish and maintain a clearly modulated tone of voice, void of accusation or judgment.
Ask tough questions, listening for the truth without hesitation for upsetting the client.
Keep asking the same question or new questions with the same syntax allowing perception and intuition to drive the client into deeper levels looking for the nugget of truth.
Stay with the client until you are satisfied they've had a breakthrough, having accessed truth for themselves about something important or of value.
Allow the conversation that follows the revelation to focus on the client's ability and willingness to stay present and fully embrace the truth that has been revealed.
Use the information gathered to make necessary shifts in the client's intention and action plan.
What are some characteristics of Giving and Receiving Effective Feedback? (10)
Essential process for moving the client into action.
If utilized as the foundation for altering/changing the course of behavior, feedback is seen as course corrective.
Supports the client getting on course, staying on course or changing a particular course of action.
Grounded in commitment and concern.
Acknowledges strengths and efforts.
Points out the opportunities for improvement.
Stimulates new thought patterns.
Structured to support or guide.
Supports cleaning up the toxic emotional dump victimization.
A gentle, loving process that clarifies, reviews and summarizes issues or experiences, while offering new insights or perspectives that have come forward from the client.
What are the four characteristics of powerful and effective feedback? (4)
Focused on behavior rather than the individual,
Followed by a specific request, and
Invites further feedback on the information provided.
What are some example questions/comments which support Giving and Receiving Effective Feedback? (3)
I would like to share with you my experience of this situation, are you open to my sharing?
It has been my experience that for you ___ you have ___. I believe you may have other options.
When I heard you say ___, I am feeling and sensing ___.
What does listening as a distinction of hearing refer to? (3)
The ability to be fully present with the client at all levels of being.
The ability to feel, sense, know, believe and accept without judgment that what the client is offering is the truth of their being in the present moment.
Means having a full-body experience of what the client is offering from a heart-centered, non-judgmental internal space.
What does hearing as a distinction of listening refer to? (3)
Taking in the audible sounds or speaking of the client.
Ability to perceive sound through the ear.
Ability to receive information through the ear.
What does a coach do in order to hear a client? (10)
Gives the client full attention.
Creates an environment where there are no distractions.
Keeps up with what the client is bringing forward.
Asks for clarification when needed.Does not assume but uses Perception Checking.
Does not give a positive spin to difficult, controntational or emotional sharing.
Is able to mirror/reflect feelings.
Is able to hear between the lines.
Does not speak while the client is speaking.
Responds cleanly with words that are easily understood.
What is a coach able to do when she has a clear and neutral listening of the client? (10)
Encourage and validate the client.
Regard the client's concerns as valid.
Offer the client a new perspective.
Does not misinterpret the client's meanings.
Does not reframe the client's sharing or experience.
Offer the client Effective Feedback in clear and simple language.
Give the client energy.
Support the client in planning a self-supportive approach toward the fulfillment of intentions.
Support the client in exploring options.
Communicate authentic caring of client.
What are some characteristics of Mirroring/Reflecting Feelings? (7)
Repeats verbatim or paraphrases the essential meaning of the emotional content of what is being expressed.
Demonstrates acceptance and respect for other people and their feelings.
Communicates, "I hear you and I understand what you feel."
Facilitate the coach's acceptance, honoring and validation of the client's emotional state.
Identifies & acknowledges the emotions underlying an experience.
Encourages the client into deeper possibility for self-reflection & self-correction.
Supports the client in moving to the other side of the experience.
What are some example phrases which demonstrate Mirroring/Reflecting Feelings? (4)
I hear you. You said you felt worthless and useless because...
You said you felt angry because after exercising you ate a quart of ice cream. Can you share with me more about the anger?
You said you feel stupid and stuck. Tell me more about feeling stuck.
I hear you say you feel lost. Are there some specifics you can share with me about feeling lost?
(If you paraphrase the statement, check with the client to make sure you have an accurate perception of what was said.)
What are some characteristics of Perception Checking? (5)
Sensations, impressions, feelings may be generated by the client that give far more meaning to their situation than the spoken word.
Communicates the coach's level of presence and awareness.
Strengthens intuitive listening and hearing.
Removes hidden agendas, assumptions and fears.
A demonstration of the coach's level of presence and awareness on all levels of being that communicates to the client that they have been heard fully as the coach seeks to clarify what has been offered.
What is the process and appropriate language of Perception Checking? (5+ examples)
Silently ask your Highest/most loving angels and guides to translate the deeper meaning of what is being said.
Be aware of the speaker's body language, hand gestures, tone of voice, etc.
When the speaker takes a natural pause, ask if you can check what you have heard.
Recap/paraphrase what the speaker has said.
Be mindful not to offer your opinions and views about what the client is sharing.
Appropriate language includes: I hear you saying ___ which I understand to mean ___. Is that accurate? When I hear you say ___ and I see your body language, I sense ___. Would that be true? If I understand you, you are saying ___. How does that feel/fit for you? When I hear you say ___ it feels like ___. How does it feel for you?
What are some characteristics of Positive Reinforcement? (8)
Acknowledges that a client is making or has made progress.
Encourages the client to discover/uncover new ways of thinking, being and acting.
Offers encouragement to take the next step.
Assists in restoring sense of self-worth, self-value and self-esteem.
Used to communicate unconditional respect and positive regard for the essence of the individual.
Establishes a safe, positive environment for the communication and sharing process.
Not a reward for good behavior.
Supports cleaning up the toxic emotional dump of fear.
What is some effective language to Positive Reinforcement? (3+)
Effective language includes:
I recognize that you are extremely upset about this situation and I wonder if you can see any opportunities for your own growth here?
I want to acknowledge you for being so open and honest about how you feel about the situation. I also suspect that you have some ideas about what to do next?
It is clear to me that this is very difficult for you and I also believe if you think about it, you have learned something valuable.
No matter what is being shared or how it is related, keep an open heart, call forth and highlight the inherent good in the situation.
What are the essential characteristics of Presence? (11)
Have a clear intention.
Remain present and open to the experience of the moment.
Establish or maintain eye contact (if/as appropriate)
Use sounds, body language, hand gestures as encouragement.
Maintain focus and concentration on the issues at hand.
Eliminate all internal dialogue.
Ask questions for clarity rather than introducing a new topic.
Summarize information as needed to maintain clarity.
Do not impose meanings on statements or experiences.
How you be who you are.
Supports cleaning up the toxic emotional dump of hopelessness.
What are the essential characteristics of Presenting Open-Ended Questions? (5)
Question for which there is not a yes or no response.
Allow for and deepen the sharing process by encouraging the client to explore his/her experience at all levels of being (physical, mental and emotional)
Supportive and nurturing process of being present with the client.
Offers the speaker an opportunity to share fully what is present without limiting the response.
Opportunity for the client to bring forward a wealth of information related to the internal landscape of their thoughts and feelings.
What are some example of Presenting Open-Ended Questions? (7)
Use words such as: Share with me ___, Describe to me ___, Tell me more about___.
Examples: Can you share with me what you feel when ___? You mentioned ___. Can you tell me more about what you mean? What can you tell me about ___? Is there more you can tell me about ___? Can you describe what you feel/felt/think about ___? Would you share with me what you mean when you say ___? What does it feel like when ___? What did you feel like when ___?
What are the essential characteristics of Prioritizing?
Internal and external well being is a function of being able to prioritize needs, desires, responsibilities and the required action to achieve alignment.
In setting priorities, a client learns how to address and accomplish those things which really matter as a self-supportive step towards well being.
A coach supports the client in creating a system of priority based on values, goals, personal integrity, degree of urgency/consequence, desires and what really matters to the client.
It lessens or eliminates the possibility of becoming overwhelmed.
It establishes structure in life.
What is the process for Prioritizing? (3)
Identify and clarify the list of things held mentally and emotionally.
Simplify (e.g. eliminate items)
What are the essential characteristics of Prizing? (8)
Tool of acknowledgment.
Offered when the client has moved beyond a comfort zone or limited perspective.
Says, "Thank you. I see what you have done. I acknowledge your efforts."
Aknowledges that all progress matters.
Acknowledgment of efforts made or steps taken.
Communicates presence, acceptance and non-judgmental caring.
Facilitates greater self-appreciation.
Supports cleaning up the toxic emotional dump of fear.
What is some effective language for Prizing? (4)
I hear what you are saying and it seems that you have handled the situation to the best of your ability.
What a powerful awareness and acknowledgment. I want to thank you for your willingness to be so honest and open.
Thank you, I see what you have done. I acknowledge your efforts.
What is the definition and characteristics of an "issue?" (6)
An issue is the result of how we "hold" a life experience in our consciousness.
Developed in response to an external experience.
Often grounded in and supported by mis-perceptions of reality which becomes a belief.
Triggers and is supported by limited beliefs.
Serves as a mental/emotional trigger for certain beliefs (thoughts fused with emotion), judgments (right/wrong, good/bad, should/should nots), inner and outer responses and reactions.
Triggers certain emotional experiences and mental images.
What are the 4 critical questions which support Re-framing an issue?
Is there a way to use the experience or situation for mental or emotional advancement?
Are there opportunities hidden in the experience or situation which we have not explored?
What can we learn from the experience or situation which we can use for our healing and growth?
Can we love ourselves in the midst of the experience or situation?
What are the essential characteristics of Limited Beliefs? (4)
Internal emotional and mental response or reaction to an external experience that limits our ability to move beyond what we hold to be true.
Is a projection supported by and grounded in an emotional experience.
Narrows the playing field of the world.
Supports cleaning up the toxic emotional dump of helplessness.
What is the process for re-framing and eliminating a limited belief? (13)
The key is to identify the triggers associated with it. A belief is always tied to feelings. When you identify the feelings, you can release them.
How did you feel?
What did you do in response to what you were feeling?
What were your perceptions associated with what happened? (e.g. What did you think was going on?) What did you tell yourself was wrong with what happened?
What did you tell yourself that you did wrong?
What was the right thing you believed should have happened?
Are there any judgments you are now aware of that you are willing to forgive yourself for making?
Is there another way you can choose to see this experience?
How can you use this new perspective to support yourself in feeling better about what happened?
What is an intention? (5)
A statement of expected or desired outcome related to a specific life experience or relationship.
The focal point on which you will create and govern your actions.
The "what" not the "how" of that which you are living toward.
A statement which clearly identifies what you are choosing to create and bring forward in your life experience.
A vision statement which will support you in creating and undertaking activities which will move you forward from where you are now to a new experience.
A statement of desire which is 51% believable to you at this time and which you can accomplish.
What are some factors to consider in creating an intention statement?
Must be measurable.
Be ready and willing to do the work.
Can cover inner work.
Is about you and the experience you desire - does not require other people.
Remember, if you take one step toward the intention, the universe will take ten steps on your behalf.
What are the essential characteristics of Silence? (8)
Key to being fully present and aware of yourself and others in the midst of an experience.
Active presence of loving & non-judgmental acceptance.
Creates an environment & an opportunity in which one can focus inwardly to receive the wisdom and power of the inner, higher self.
Method of communicating respect for the client and their process.
Provides the opportunity for a client to really "hear" themselves from the inside.
Provides a space for the client to access a deeper level of awareness.
Acknowledges the client's ability to resolve their own inner turmoil and conflict.
It opens the door to intimacy between the people who are communicating.
What is the process for Silence? (3)
Establish eye contact with the client.
Allow seconds to pass between the client's last words before you respond.
If the client begins to speak before 15 seconds has passed, hold steady in the silence, maintain eye contact, communicate your presence with your eyes and body language.
What are the essential characteristics of Projections?
Signal that a divine healing opportunity is present.
Are the function and outgrowth of an internal judgment about ourselves that gives rise to fear.
When a projection is present, we project onto another person or present experience what we deem as an unpleasant truth about the self that may surface in consciousness.
An opportunity to re-claim previously disowned energy that has become invested in the shadow personality.
Whenever there is an inappropriate emotional reaction to an experience or another person in our life experiences, there is an indication that a projection is taking place.
Involve some level of self-righteousness - "I'm right! They're wrong!"
Protects us from something uncomfortable.
An unwillingness to acknowledge and accept the situation or person as an element of our behavior or consciousness.
What is the process for owning Projections? (4)
In order to eliminate the tendancy to project we must be willing to take 100% responsibility for our lives.
We must learn to take responsibility for our internal environment regardless of the external experiences with which we are confronted.
The only way to heal a projection is compassionate self-forgiveness of any and all judgments.
Must work on all four levels of being:
Mental - what was I thinking about myself, the others involved, the issue that led to the upset?
Emotional - what was I feeling about myself, the others involved, the issue that led to the upset?
Physical - what did I do in response to the upset? What was my body language? How did my physical being respond?
Spiritual - what laws/principles did I forget related to myself, the others involved, the issues that led to the upset?