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- extent to which a person’s thoughts about particular subjects are well integrated and take multiple dimensions into consideration.
- complex schemas = more stable; simple schemas = less stable in light of negative info
commitment calibration hypothesis
threats to a relationship should motivate activities to protect the relationship only if the threat is calibrated to partners’ levels of commitment.
when existing beliefs change to integrate new info.
when new info is integrated with existing knowledge without changing the existing beliefs.
from the total field of available info we select some info to attend to and some to ignore.
empathy accuracy model
ourlevel of attention to and understand of our partners varies, depending on how threatening our partners thoughts and feelings are likely to be.
explanations we use to understand each other’s behavior.
- the location of the cause of a behavior
- internal/external – their personality quality/ outside circumstances
- global/specific – all the time/ one time
- duration of the cause of a behavior
- global/ specific
whatever is currently perceived to be positive about a relationship is considered important and whatever is perceived to be negative is dismissed as unimportant.
statements that explicitly minimized the implications of the fault for the relationship.
selecting cards that describe their partners and sorting them into meaningful groups that capture different aspects of their partner’s personality.
rater separates positive and negative adjectives into different aspects of her partner.
rater groups positive and negative adjectives within the same aspects of his partner.
using info about others as a gauge of our own attitudes and abilities.
downward social comparison
comparisons with others who are doing worse than you.
upward social comparison
comparisons with others who are doing better than you.
derogating alternative partners
- managing threatening info by interpreting that info as less threatening.
- an attractive person as less attractive
deciding that a negative aspect of the relationship is not that important.
all the ways our motives, desires and preferences shape the way info is selected, interpreted, and organized.
preference for info that supports and strengthens positive beliefs about a partner and a relationship.
preference for info that may indicate important qualities in a partner or relationship.
preference for info that supports what we already know about a partner or relationship.
tendency for partners global feelings about their relationships to color their perceptions of behaviors and experiences.
self serving bias
- tendency to take credit for our successes and to blame others for our failures
- enhancement motive
- preference for info that supports positive views of the partner and relationship.
preference for info that supports a positive view of the self even if it does not support the relationship.
all the ways we organize our many perceptions, thoughts, and beliefs about the world.
qualities that initially attract someone become the same qualities that end the relationship.
- one partner makes demands or criticisms and the other partner shuts down believing they can never make the other satisfied which creates more frustration for the demander who nags more, etc.
- women tend to want more change than men do; more extreme in relationships where people want a lot of change.
- partners have adopted different poles or opposing positions in the conflict
- each makes the problem worse for the other by doing what each sees as reasonable and justifiable
- whenever a conflict arises, they respond to it by taking their corners.
- hearing something negative but responding back in a neutral or even a positive way.
- assumed happy couples engage in this
unhappy spouses are more sensitive to the tone of immediate events in their relationship.
translating one’s thoughts and feelings into a behavioral expression
translating the partner’s behavioral expression into the thoughts and feelings it was intended to convey.
in couple study the fact that the couples are happy or unhappy is the independent variable and presumed to be a cause
behaviors couples exhibit (presumably caused by them being happy or unhappy)
structural model of marital interaction
- less positive behavior and more negative behavior
- greater predictability of behaviors between partners
kind of catalog of categories of behavior; research assistants assigned the observed behaviors to one of the categories in the catalog.
- emotional tone
- sadness, affection, anger in the voice
- the extent to which multiple raters rate the same behavior the same on a scale
- high reliability means multiple people were seeing the same thing, low reliability means multiple people were not
when one person pursues his or her goals in such a way that it interferes with the other person’s goals.
routine behaviors and strategies partners undertake to help ensure that their relationship will continue
intimacy process model
- everyday exchanges taking place b/t partners can be understood as either maintaining or thwarting the degree of intimacy in the relationship they have created.
- intimacy is best understood as a process.
ability to accurately infer the specific content of another’s thoughts and feelings.
assumption: people naturally seek to increase their capacity and efficacy as individuals to achieve their goals.
people with more social ties and more connections among them have lower levels of mortality
- responsiveness to another’s needs and acts that communicate caring
- validation of other’s worth, feelings or actions and facilitation of adaptive coping with problems
- support the recipient knows he or she has received
- (can be costly to self esteem)
- (well intentioned ways of providing support may come across as signals that the person is overwhelmed and lacks skills to deal with something)
support the recipient does not notice (washing car while they are away and don’t know youre doing it)
sharing of positive events in one’s life, builds personal and interpersonal resources because it allow us to relive the events, to see others are pleased for us, experience ourselves being viewed favorably by others.
partners learn of a transgression.
victim tries to make some sense of why the transgression happened.
moving on stage
occurs as the victim finds a way to adjust to and move beyond the incident.
distinctive qualities that characterize an individual, that are relatively stable over time and across situations, that have some coherence or internal organization to them and that influence how the indiv behaves and adapts to the world around them.
identify a core set of personality traits by conducting extensive statistical analysis.
dependency regulation model
demonstrates that indivs with low self esteem underestimate how favorably their partner views them.
family of origin
family you were raised in
intergenerational transmission effects
the effects our family of origin has on who we are as indivs as well as on who we are as relationship partners later in life.
attachment behavioral system
innate biologically based system to help ensure our safety and survival.
caregiver’s presence and protection in turn promote the experience of security.
internal psyc structures representing the conscious and unconscious beliefs, expectations, and feelings people have about themselves, about others and about relationships.
- low anxiety, low avoidance
- positive view of self
- low avoidance, high anxiety
- low self worth
- low in anxiety, high avoidance (unlikely to be caring of others)
- positive views of self
- high avoidance, high anxiety
- negative view of self
bases of attraction
personality, similarity, reciprocity, physical appearance
we may admire people who have wonderful qualities but are more attracted to people whose great qualities are tempered by a few flaws.
phantom other technique
in a study participants asked to make judgments about another person based on that person’s responses to an attitude survey when there is no other person.
being attracted to people who have qualities we lack.
mere exposure effect
favoring stimuli we are exposed to more frequently.
tendency for people to pair up with partners similar to them in appearance.
idea that humans have developed the capacity to pursue long-term relationships or short term relationships as their circumstances warrant.
sexual strategies theory
is an attempt to explain and predict what sorts of qualities men and women are likely to look for when they pursue long-term versus short term relationships.
misattribution of arousal
- mistaking arousal for one stimulus when it is actually another causing it.
- men talking to woman or not talking to a woman on a swaying bridge.
being attracted to someone who is not romantically attracted to us in return.
we are most likely to form relationships with people who are physically close to us because these are the people with whom we are most likely to interact.
people who are attracted to each other tend to mimic each other’s movements unconsciously.
anticipatory behaviors; non verbal behaviors that indicate receptiveness to an approach from another.
social penetration theory
development of a relationship is associated with the kind of personal information that partner exchange with each other.
- when one person shares something personal about themselves the other person immediately shares something equally personal
- typifies conversations with strangers.
- initiating, experimenting, intensifying, and integrating, bonding
- first 4 steps have increasing disclosure
social ecological models
explain how the stresses, supports and constraints in the environment of a couple may affect the way a partners think, feel and act in their relationships.
- most immediate environment
- family and friendship networks
neighborhoods, social systems, and cultures in which relationships take place.
national and historical forces affecting relationships.
- four elements crucial to understanding the effects of external challenges on relationships
- A = stressor, B = resources, C = interpretation of the event (stressor is a challenge to overcome or a catastrophe to endure), X = crisis
uniquess, cannot substitute this person for another
- frequency and diversity of influences they have one each other
interdependence, personalness, closeness, and intimacy
- – different incentives for short and long term relationships;
- when men and women want short term for a reason and long term for a reason.
– experiences each has with the other; series of interactions that led them to develop a relationship.
- men and women have different standards for short and long term relationships.
what we want in intimate communication
- feeling cared for
- feeling understood