Listening Patterns and Tools
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How are listening patterns developed?
- Every individual has the right to be heard without interruption, condemnation or criticism. When this does not occur, patterns of listening are developed which may actually determine what is heard; how it is heard; and the energy with which a response is brought forward.
- An individual listening pattern is also a function of a core belief which triggers an inner listening cycle consisting of a thought, emotion and an action.
What is an Inner Listening Cycle?
- An experience generates a thought...
- The THOUGHT during or following a communication or interaction which is activated by or activates the core belief that leads to...
- FEELING an emotional upset or response growing from the template of the core belief that leads to...
- ACTION a behavior in response to the thought and feeling which come forward (it can be internal or physical)
What are the 4 rotations of the average Listening Cycle?
- Primary (initiating Thought-Feeling-Action)
- Subsequent (Thought-Feeling-Action)
- Supporting (proof that what I originally thought was correct) Thought-Feeling-Action
- Destructive (Thought-Feeling-Action)
What principle supports each level of the 7 Level Healing Paradigm when it's used to interrupt the inner listening cycle?
- Know Yourself: principle of Caring. Offer yourself support and nurturing as quickly as possible! Demonstrate that you care about who you are and how you feel.
- Be Yourself: principle of Will/Willingness. Communicate authentically about what you need and desire! Be a stand for who you are!
- Trust Yourself: principle of Faith. Know that you can feel bad and recover! Know that where you are in the moment is where you need to be in the moment.
- See Yourself: principle of Love. Offer yourself love and forgiveness. Forgive yourself for judging yourself and your response.
- Accept Yourself: principle of Competence. Know that you can handle what is going on. Resist the drama of your defense mechanisms! Don't drop out!
- Honor Yourself: principle of Accountability. Be accountable for what you think, feel, say and do. Resist the temptation to blame.
- Appreciate Yourself: principle of Purpose. Ask yourself, "How can I use this experience for my healing, growth and evolution?" You deserve to be right where you are! Make the best of it!
What can be used to interrupt an Inner Listening Cycle?
- The resolution can be introduced at any point or to prevent the cycle from being initiated.
- The resolution can be a thought, a gesture, an affirmation or a simple breath.
- There must be a choice to activate the resolution. It is a willed choice.
What are the 9 listening tools to resolve the inner listening cycle?
- Distinctive Listening
- Conscious Listening
- Authentic Self-Expression
- Intuitive Listening and Expression
- Magical Thinking
What kind of person would benefit from using Simplicity?
Those who require detailed explanations.
What do you choose to do when you listen with Simplicity? (3)
- Listen for the bottom line
- Mirror what you have heard
- Ask for clarity as needed, without getting stuck in the details of the story
What kind of person would benefit from using Acknowledgment?
Those who have a tendancy to criticize and find fault in the process of communication.
What do you choose to do when you listen with Acknowledgment? (2)
- Prize and encourage an individual with whom you have communication regardless of the nature of the communication.
- Suspend judgment and supercede the pattern of reaction by focusing on the positive rather than giving in to the trigger.
What kind of person would benefit from using Silence?
Those who have a tendency to speak while being spoken to or to conduct a private conversation (or several conversations) in their mind during communications with others.
What do you choose to do when you listen with Silence? (5)
- Still the body and mind
- See the loving essence of the person with whom you are communicating
- Practice heart centered listening
- Ask if a response is required before one is offered
- Respond from a place of loving compassion to what has been shared rather than from an intellectual or emotional reaction in response to what may have been triggered.
What kind of person would benefit from using Distinctive Listening?
- those who have a tendency to filter listening through judgments.
- It is most effective when used with those whom you have consistent or on-going communications such as partners, parents, etc. where listening becomes habitual.
- With habitual listening, one believes they know what will be communicated before it is communicated.
What are the three categories of Distinctive Listening?
- Listening with Authority: hear the other person as an authority related to what they are communicating. It means choosing not to mentally or emotionally dismiss the person's communication. Listen with respect and belief that they know what they are talking about.
- Listening with Trust: trust the person who is speaking and to trust that what they are communicating is the truth.
- Listening with Honor: respect and honor the person communicating regardless of their station or stature. Effective tool when listening to children, subordinates or ex-partners.
What does Conscious Listening require?
- To be fully presenct (physically, mentally and emotionally) to the person and the message being communicated.
- It utilizes silence.
What do you choose to do when you listen with Conscious Listening? (4)
- Stop all other activity during the communication.
- Make and sustain eye contact with the speaker.
- Respond with prizing or body language to communicate to the speaker that they have been heard.
- Mirror what has been said before responding to what has been said.
What kind of person would benefit from using Authentic Self-Expression?
those who have a tendency to hold back their authentic expression in an effort to spare the other person's feelings, as a response to an internal trigger, in support of a core belief, or as a control mechanism.
What do you choose to do when you listen with Authentic Self-Expression? (5)
- Remain present throughout the communication.
- Check the inner landscape before responding.
- Assume full responsibility for any upset that is present.
- Share authentically and honestly what has come forward during the communication.
- Ask for time out to resolve any upset present before responding.
What kind of person would benefit from using Intuitive Listening and Expression?
- those who have a tendency to discount, resist or hold back inner guidance which comes forward in the process of communication.
- It is not for the feint of heart. Only use it when you've learned to hear and trust your inner guidance.
What do you choose to do when you listen with Intuitive Listening and Expression? (3)
- Acknowledge the person for the content of the communication.
- Share authentically and honestly any intuitive impressions and/or feelings which come forward during the communication.
- Honor and follow the intuitive inklings regardless of how the person involved in the communication receives or responds to what is shared.
What kind of person would benefit from using Magical Thinking?
those who have a tendency to hear (make up) what is not communicated or to add meaning onto what is communicated.
What do you choose to do when you listen with Magical Thinking? (4)
- Stop the inner listening cycle during communication. BREATHE
- Communicate to others involved in the communication what you thought or made up about what was being said. (perception checking)
- Come fully present by asking the speaker to repeat what was communicated.
- Respond to what is communicated rather than to the story created about it.
What kind of person would benefit from using Closure?
those who have a tendency to rehash, solict the input of others, and make up stories after a communication has ended, exaggerating what was actually communicated.
What do you choose to do when you listen with Closure? (4)
- Mirror what was heard in the communication.
- Ask for clarity (as needed) related to what was communicated.
- Seek understanding and/or agreement about expectations or responsibilities related to the communication.
- Not share the content or agreements made with others who have no part in anything growing out of the communication.
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