Nunsense Act 1
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. What would you like to do?
(14)...the musicians stop playing and we hear...
Let's hear it for the Mount Saint Helen's Band!
(15) RM: You see, our eighth graders are putting on the musical "Vaseline" and I gave--
(18) RM: ...served some vichyssoise soup and nearly every sister dies instantly of botulism!
It was kinda like the "Last Supper!" (pause) That's a little convent humor.
(18) RM: What a bunch of cutthroats they turned out to be, huh?
(very excitedly) I still say their Mother Superior cheated when she didn't call B-15! I know we had it and then --
(18) RM: ... we found 52 of our sisters lying face down in that soup!
Now, we had not idea what to do so we all began to pray for guidance.
(18) RM: Well, of course, I did -- and it was a huge success!
So we took the money and buried 48 of the 52 dead sisters and then Reverend Mother bough a VCR for the convent! (pause) Personally, I thought we should have buried all the sisters before we bought the VCR, but then as Mistress of the Novices, I'm only "number two" so one tires hard no to question Reverend Mother.
(with RM) And one will try harder in the future.
(19) RM: The important fact is that we had to put the last four sisters in the freezer.
We hope you'll forgive the limitations put on us by the loss of so many of our sisters, but if they hadn't died, we wouldn't have to bury them, and then there wouldn't be this little show in the first place.
(19) RM: And I asked each of them to prepare something that best displays her talent.
But first, I thought you might be interested in knowing some of the history of the Little Sisters of Hoboken and that is what out next song is all about.
(24) A Difficult Transition ends: sisters start to exit
Sister Amnesia. Sister Amnesia, where are you going?
(24) SA: I was just going with her.
But, aren't you in charge of the quiz?
(24) SA: Oh, I forgot!
I just can't seem to get through to her, Reverend Mother.
(24)RM:... we'll discover she belongs to the Franciscans. (RM exits)
Now, Sister Amnesia, try to remember what I teacher you in the novitiate: Gentle, but firm.
(28) Benedicite Playoff
Sister Mary Leo that was just wonderful. I wish I could dance like you do!
(29) SL: Well, you could have seen a lot more but Reverend Mother won't let me wear a tutu.
Now you know how Reverend Mother feels about the traditional habit.
"If God had wanted everyone to look like people,
He wouldn't have created nuns!"
(29) SL: If I can't wear a tut, I'll never become a famous ballerina!
Sister Leo! Have we forgotten about humility?
(30) SL: AND ADVANCE IN MY CAREER?
Sister Mary Leo! Your vocation is your career! (to audience) Would you excuse me for a moment? (to SL) Sister, I'd like to say something before this goes any further. You see, I wanted to be nun ever since I was a little girl. My dream was to enter the convent, work my way up to Mother Superior, and then turn the Little Sisters of Hoboken into the Big Sisters of Newark! Well, the first lesson I had to learn upon entering the convent was that we do not strive for position -- just perfection. Besides, she who exalts herself shall be humbled and she who humbles herself shall be exalted!
(39) RM: You Knew! I know you knew!
Well, I knew about the puppet but I didn't realize...
(39) RM: What if we have some plain clothes nuns in our audience? I certainly hope no one was offended.
Please don't let this affect your generosity this evening.
(41) RM: Sister Hubert, I thought I told you to see that she reports everything to me!
Now, don't try to blame this one on me! You're the one who bought the VCR!
(42) SA: But, I didn't mean to. I'm Sorry. I didn't mean to!
Regina, you didn't have to be so hard on her.
(45) SPOTLIGHT PLAYOFF
Well, you're turning out to be a regular Sophie Tucker!
(45) SA: Was she a Mother Superior, too?
Not quite, dear.
(45) SA: Lilacs.
SA: Li- lacs!
(45) RM: Lilacs!
How beautiful! Where'd they come from?
(46) RM: Why, they're from the Ladies Altar Society wishing us "good Luck."
Wasn't that sweet of them!
(48) SRA: I think one of our students has a serious problem.
What kind of "serious" problem?
What would you like to do?
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