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  1. Courting
    • Increase in Young men and women to meet and spend unsupervised time together- college, getting a job
    • Automible was critical- increased mobility 
  2. Dating
    • 1920s- Replaces courtin
    • At this point, dating usually di dnot include sexual intimacy
    • Dating was very much oriented towards marriage
    • 60s-70s
    • 2nd wave feminist movement and sexual revolution happening. At this point, dating included sexuality. not necessarily oriented to marriage

    • Today
    • men and owmen often times date well into their 20s and 30s
    • DUring that time, they engage in a range of relationships- hookups to cohabiation
    • SOme of them may result in marriage and maybe not
    • Dating is replaced by hookup culture
    • When available women significantly outnumber men, courtship behavior change to what men want. DEpending on who you ask, Young men apparently couldn't be happier 
  3. Self Image
    • Image of ourselves is alrgely a reflection of wha tother people tell us about ourselves. Parents are the first looking glass- how we asses sourselves
    • Dating partners become another looking glass- through which we see ourselves/ feedback. Develop an idea of ourselves.
    • Positive feedback- fee good
    • Negative feed back- feel bad
    • Goal of Dating- have fun doing something together 

    Being perceived as a fun person is the basic requirement to be an attractive date. Dating is a primary avenue as society becomes more isolating. 
  4. Anticipatory socialization
    IN dating it teaches us skills to maintain a lasting relationship. SKills like empathy, communication, and negotiation.

    • Being in a relationship = higher social status
    • Single= alone status 
  5. Health benefits of being in a relationship
    • Highest when marital.
    • People who are not in relationships are hospitalized more/ call in sick more/ more medical checkups
    • Married men see more of a health benefit than married women do
    • CUlture and society really restrict partner choices
  6. Endogamy
    • cultural expectation to select a mate from your own social group (religion, race, class)
    • PRessure changes over time 
  7. Homogamy
    • comes from within personal preference. Tend to like and date people who are similar to us. COuples that have more things in common demographically are happier
  8. Factors shaping male selection
    • Endogamy, homogamy, age, racce, marriage squeeze0 as they get older, harder to marry
    • Psychological Factors- opposites attract
    • - caretaker/ taken care of 
    • - dominant/ submissive
    • - seek people that are opposite and complementary to our own
    • Attachment theory 1960s
  9. Attachment theory 1960s
    secure vs insecure 
    • Unconsciously apploy it to later adult relationships
    • Secure- if the child had a primary caregiver/more secure. More likely to pick a partner who gives the necessary emotional support. ALlow them t trust that their partner will be their admiral support.
    • Insecure/anxious- develops when a child feels uncared for or abandoned. Caretaker is absent fromt heir lives/ disconnected from them. Ongoing fear that their partner will disappear.
  10. Avoidant
    uncared for or abandoned. develop an avoidant attachment style as a child. WHich as an adult- dodging cloeness and intimacy. Dont get into relationship- always avoiding true intimacy- sabotage relationship
  11. Changes in Marriage (Bolick)
    • Postponing marriage
    • cohabiting instead of marrying
    • Postponing childbearing
    • This is due to the increased status of women
    • Marriage and childbearing are no longer the only or primary milestone in a woman's life.
  12. DEcline of men  (vs women)
    • mens education and job status is dropping relative to women
    • women need men less 
    • primary way for women to increase social status was to marry high men. Women are now poised to achieve higher status on their own without need of marriage. 
  13. Gender Differences and Communication
    men and women communicate as though they were raised in totally different cultures. This brings ample oportunity for miscommunication and understranding
  14. Childhood Socialization
    • Its because norms, values, beliefs are so different- most learning them as children. earning how to behave as boys and girls. Adult experiences between men and women are rooted under gender socialization.
    • a. different playstyles girls with girls/ boys with boys
    • b. Girls emphasize communication/cooperation/intimiate connections. 
  15. Impact on Adult Communication
    childhood frameworks follow people to their adulthood
  16. Men (communication)
    generally socialized with competition and status- live in a world where hierarchy is important. INteractions with other people can be ways to challenge and or maintain status. For men, conversations can besymbolic stuggles. WHere each participant tries to gain the upperhand. Men are uncomfortable with taking direction- being told what to do. Acquiescing to someone means losing of status. DIfficulty of expressing emotion such as fear and sad ness. We are separate/ we are different.
  17. women ( communication)
    tend to emphasize intimacy and connection. CHance to connect with emotional intimacy. Chance to seek and give support. Potential to be the same.
  18. Conflict in communication between men and women
    how men and women respond differently when someone poses a problem. THe difference in response is associated with socialization. Men tend to focus on solutions to problems, where women tend to focus on their feeling about the problem. We tend to expect people to respond to us in a way we are familiar with. It leads to a classic source of miscommunication between men and women. Men only think women only like to talk about their problems. Women think men don't listen to them. IT boils down to the early frameworks of socialization. 
  19. Quest Romance
    IDea that pursuit and the dvelopment of a relationship is highly important- sex for girls is really a means to an end. Whether or not to have sex > to solidify the emotional aspect of the relationship. For guys > as a goal in itself. Sex is the end
  20. Boys and adolescent Dating
    • Transition to dating- difficult transition more for boys than for girls
    • Its troublesome because boys have less experience with intimate communication- communication awkwardness 
  21. Conflict Resolution
    5 things to avoid 
    • Criticism- partner will lash out or shut down personal attack/judgment. Resolution is difficult to achieve
    • Contempt- intention to cause emotional pain- both non verbally and verbally. Rolling your eyes " youre not good enough"
    • Defensiveness= natural response to feeling belittled/ talked down to/ victimizzed/ retaliation/ criticizing back. Doesnt help to solve the problem.
    • Stonewalling- refuse to talk/ sit silently/ roll eyes- nothing i can do to make you happy so gonna shut down
    • Belligerence- antagonistic behavior- deliberately intended to provoke your partner. picking a fight.  

    Do you want to be right or do you want to be married? 
  22. Baby Boomers 1946-1964
    • it was influential at every stage in life. Now they are retiring o things like health care, social security, retirement funds, etc. is being effected because the largest population we have is aging and is using these institutions. the baby boomers as they grew into the elder population created a larger group of elder people in comparison to young generations who are not comparable that large.
    • the elderly today are from the baby boomer generation that was markedly different in almost every stage in the life course than the members of generations prior to them. as baby boomers they were much more likely than those before  then to divorce and remarry at some point in their lives. Because of their openness to divorce and remarriage as young people, as elder people they might be les scommitted to the idea of having one and only one true love int heir life time. THats really important she says we should not be ignoring this factor.
  23. Life Expectancy
    • 1970 life expectancy was 74 and in 2004 it waas 79. This does not account for gender and race. on the whole life expectancy is on the rise so much that we have created new categories of the elderly category.
    • young old, older old, and the old old. The young old is from 65-74, older old is 75-85 and old old is over the age of 85
  24. Gender and Race (life expectancy)
    • Not all Americans expect the same life expectanc. Gender dynamic > women live on average 5 to 7 years longer than men. Women are much more likely to be alone in old age than men are more likely to be poor at that time than men. IN the cCarr article, by age 65, women outnumber men by 1.5 to 1 and by 85 years they outnumber men 4 to1.  
    • Racial dynamic -> white male life expectancy was 75 yers old. In that same year black male expectancy was 69 years old. IN that same year, white women and a life expectancy of 80 and a black women had a life expectancy of 76. Very significant difference when you combine race and gender together.
  25. Marital Happiness:
    Most older married couples report high marital happiness. On the whole, marital happiness tends to look high in early times and elderly times and lowest during the middle of the marriage.  the elderly couples tend to have fewer disagreements. IN general, marital happiness tends to naturally increase later in life. The dip in happiness during the middle of the marriage can be a cause of scarce resources of time and money. Once for instance their children leave and can provide for themselves, the couples time and money and other resources can be invested into the relationship.
  26. Divorce
    Divorce rates are low for those that make it to the later stages of life. Although for some couples that point in life, the transition that is retirement and kids leaving can be a stressor ( the empty net syndrome) as they adjust to new roles. SO the strains can potentially result in divorce for those couples, but on the whole divorce tends to be relatively low later in life.
  27. Death of Spouse
    The vast majority of marries that last untl later in life end because a spouse dies not because of divorce. Because of women's longer life expectancy, there tends to be more widows. THere is some negative repercussions to be single in later years. FOr both men and women who are older, being single can be detrimental to pysical and mental health. Research shows that its a little more detrimental for men than women. the factor that mediates that idfference is social suport networks. THe men tend to feel worse because women have more social support netowrks int heir lives that mitigates the negative impacts of being single.
  28. Role of Support Networks (Carr)
    Examiens if there is a difference in opininon and motivations between genders for interet in dating and remarriage among elders and widowers. Carr starts witht he common wisdom that men are more interested and inclined to do so then women. Women mourn, men replace. She acknowledges the influence of the marriage squeeze- related ot gender- women tend to marry older and women tend to marry younger, so as they both get older women's partners are less found because women outlive men. SO even if they wanted to remarry, the odds are bad because there arent that many eligible partners for them. Carr sets to determine if the inclination that owmen are naturally less inclined to desire to repartner than men. Carr says that little research with sexuality, marriage and the elderly, which is unfortunate because our population is aging and we need research on a population that is bigger than ever before.
  29. Social support and later marriage
    Carr examines factors 6 and 16 months post lost. SHe found that of all factors, the most important factor that guides decisions/ mediating factor of dating and remarrying is based ont he existence of social support networs. At botht he 6 and 16 month mark, of men and women a small percentage was said they were intereted in dating and remarriage.  So, overall the desire to repartner ispretty low for this sample, but the difference for those that do and do not want to repartner is based on the existence of a social support network. As emotional support goes up, the desire to repartner goes down. She connects these things to the Triangular theory of love in the 1980s. 
  30. Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg)
    THere are three interrrelated love components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. THese combine into different degrees to create a unieque love relationship. INtimacy is the emotional component of love which usually manifests as emotional sharing and feelings of closness. Passion is the sexual component of the relationship associate with sexual attraction and it is the initial motivational dimension of love. Commitment is the more cognitive component of love that involves everything from long term plans and decisions to conscious decisions to stay ina  relationship. Sternberg says that these three combine to make different kinds of love experiences like companionate.
  31. Companionate
    relationship has intimacy and commitment and absent ofpassion. As we age we palce less emphasis on passion. We tend to seek relationships that are more companionate and less physical. commitment and intimacy can be met through social suport groups rather than remarrying.
  32. Steretoypes and Ageism
    Whatever comesinto your head are stereotypes. Againg is dealt with bad health, general unattractivesnes,, etc. Ageism is generalized negative sterotypes of a ge group that influences differential treatment to that group. This can be said for old people as well as like young people. Stereotypes and ageism shape our perception of elderly sexuality. THe message is that aging is incompatible with sexuality. IN our culture, our sexual scripts are infused with emssages about age. Sexual behaviors we consider normal and acceptable for younger people are abnormal and unaccpeptable for older peopl. WHat is apporpriate to do at what age? THese negative attitudes to elderly sexuality are parrticularly repressive of elderly women. This attitude of sexuality of later years means that there isnt enough research about sexuality in the elderly.
  33. Oppotunity structure
    DOnt have to monitor birth control- no fear of unwanted pregnancy that limits sexual freedoms/interactions for many couples

    Launching of children- no more children around allows for new levels of privacy and time that werent there before. More opportunity

    Couples that have been together for a long time have high levels of trust that is good for sexual intimacy and the older people are more self-assured and comfotable with themselves. combined witht he trust factors can create more sexual satisfaction. 
  34. Partner Gap
    Researchers refer to the partner gap and the phenomenon that older women have more trouble than men in finding a sex partner. Women tend to partner up in age but outlive men, so a problem is created because at some point mens health starts failing before them and then the relative absence fo men. This is like the marriage squeeze butin relation to sex
  35. Double standard of agin
    Women are adversely affected by this too. Men are not considered old or sexually undesirable as early in life as women are. There is a higher standard for women being young and physically attractive and being young and physically attractive is more important for women who are trying to find a mate than for men. 
  36. Generational Difference
    Generally, there are generational difference for different generatioons of older people. Our ideas of sexuality among the old and the aging have changed and their experiences have changed and shifted generationally as well. The social forces of the 60s and 70s- hippie movement about sexual liberation mad a big impact. They experienced a liberalizatioons of attitudes about sex more so than any generations before them. It was more profound for women than for men in that generation. In the 60s and 70s, there was the second wave of feminism as well that broke down barriers for women about sex and their bodies as well as the rejection of the doble standard of aging. Firmly against was the idea that women werent sexual beings. This explains how important it is to study the baby boomer elderly generations as well as those before them. 
  37. Racial and Ethnic DIfferences
    Categorie sof rac ein America are increasingly ocmplicated because of the increase of interdating of certain grousp and intermarriage. This idea of comparing racial categories have therefore become more complicated. THere is much more variety within a racial category within itself than from racial category to racial category. Racial and ethnic stratification still exists in our society. On the average the income rates are much higher and poverty rates much lower when you compare whites to blacks and Hispanics. 
  38. Interracial dating
    spcific tot he willingness for african american men and women to date interracially. Why might some gorups life African Americans be influenced to be more open to the idea of interracial dating.
  39. Marriage Squeeze
    • Women compared to men experience a marriage squeeze, in terms of race. Research shows that the ration of eligible men to women in the clack population is very low. This creates a marriage squeeze for black women int he sense that they are forced to compete for the few eligible mates.
    • Black women are 2x likely to stay unmarried than white women. Black women that do marry are th emost likely than any other racial group to marry down in terms of socioeconomic status and education level. There is a restricted pool of eligible partners causes them to marry down to resolve the issue
  40. Theories to explain the mariage squeeze
    High incaraceration rate- 39% of people in prison were black. fewer men avilable int he sense that they are behind bars making them ineleigible. so these women resolve their issues by marrying men that are lowerthan them

    2nd: all income levels, african American men have fallen behind in terms of job status and education. Black women with college degress outnumber men by 2:!.  
  41. Decline of Men
    Bolick is trying to explain the decline in th emarriage rate in the US. some due tot he decrease of mens status and increase in womens status making women need men less. No longer the case as the theorys says that men could be available but less desirable attractive to women now. So, the marriage squeeze itself has controversially led to an increase of international dating among african american wmoen. 
  42. Theories of Interracial Dating
    Evolutionary: explain why black men are more open to interracial dating than black women? TO explain this they explain a classic evolutionary theory that women have to be more selecttive and therefore more restrictive over who they are iwlling to date, because women bare the burden of barring the child. Men just evolutionarily benefit from having as many partners as possible.

    Exchange: theoryt hey offer to try and explaint he tendency to be open or not to interracial dating, for anybody not just blacks. states that any person that has lower social standing for any reason will be more likely to exchange their good looks for someone of a higher social standing even if tha tperson is unattractive because it gives them a boos tof social standing. Those who have high social standing, especially if they are unattractive, are more open to dating someone of low social standing eespecially if they are attractive because they get a boost of relationship status/capital. 
  43. Decreased marriage in Western Europe
    In these countries there a decreased marriage rate and increase in cohabitation as an alternative to marrige. Lyoll tries to explain why. They tend to have more liberal welfare policies. Many of these countries make policies "socialist policies" that allow you to take care of children without marriage. SUch countries ahve constructed policies so children get hte same protections and benefits regardless of whether the parents are married. This eliminated getting married for the kids. 
  44. HEalthy marriage initiative
    in the us, historically the government apporach is to promote marriage. As recently as 2004, the bush administration crafted official policy that was created to promote marriage. He introduced this initative. It allocated 1.5 billion dlollars toward workshops toward listening, problem solving skills and presentations of the value of marriage. part of a plan to reform welfare. geared toward low income americans sometimes targeting ertain racial groups. the rational is that if people tended to get and stay married there would be less relianton welfare.
  45. Sprecher Love in Russia, Japan, US
    • 3 hypothesies: They had three hypothesiss of what would constitute as the core differences of western and non western cultures
    • 1) differences in ideas are based on whether the culture is more individualistic or communal
    • 2) cultures with greater history of courtly love might embrace romantic love more. Russia and US would have more romantic love ideals because they have history of courtly love than Japan
    • 3) it would boil down to the relative wealth of the particular society. wealthier societies would be more romantic and less practical while pooerer societies would be more pragmatic and less romantic. 

    • Results
    • All three countries showed high endorsement of the erotic love style specifically, but there was an order. US was the highest, Russia in secondm and Japan had the highest endorsement. WHen it came rto romantic ideas, they found that russia was significantly lower in the endorsement of romantic lvoe than either US or Japan. In terms of romantic love, US had the highest endorsement and Japan came second highest and the explanation for Japans position was that because japan tended to be more communal and less individualistic they tend to take a less romanticized view of love, instead duty to the family is more important. They explain this by referencing the 3rd hypothesis.Russians fwere more avoidant int heir attachment style. poverty = strain
  46. Gender Vriance
    someone who experiences their own gender in a way that varies/deviates from the sex gender binary in terms of classifications
  47. Transsexual
    more specific, scientific, and more dated. Someone who has a mental and emotional gender that is different from their biological sex. SO their internal sense of hemselves does not match their anatomy. REfers to people usually to peopel that have taken a medical course of treatment like taking hormones or reconstructive surgery to make their bodies fit more iwht the internal sense of themselves.
  48. Disclosure (transgender/sexualism)
    to tell or not to tell the partner that they dont match the sex gender binary, Out of fear they can hide their identity from the world, partners, and sometimes from themselves for sometimes a prolonged period of time
  49. Reasons for non-disclosure
    if they are a honest person there are reasons for non-disclousre. Some dont tell their partner of their gender variance because they are hopeful that the relationship will cure them of their gender variance. ANother reason is the basic reasont hat their partner would reject if they knew their secret. Sometimes the rejcetion operates with different reasons. The third reason is basic denial. THey might have trouble amitting of acknowledging their gender variance. The fourth reason although less possiblle today a gender variant person is unaware of his gender variance due to lack of understanding. 
  50. Transgender Partner Effects  -> à Arlene LEV: 
    • once the gender
    • variant individual does come out the outcome of and impact on the relationship
    • depends on a few things. Based on if the partner already knew, how open the
    • partner is to this topic. There can be an important impact if the partner
    • finding out another way, not from the gender variant partner. Lev is a counselor,
    • that works with couples that there is one gender variant individual. Lev find
    • that couples go through a four stage process when this information is out in
    • the open.

    • §  Stage 1: discovery or disclosure: discovery is
    • involuntary, disclosure is voluntary.

    • §  Stage 2: Regardless, there are some sort of
    • relationship turmoil.

    • §  Stage 3: Negotiation in the “what does this
    • mean for us” sense in the relationship. Do they work things out? Stay together?
    • What to do with children?

    • §  Stage 4: If they make it through negotiation
    • successfully, the fourth stage calls for finding balance. Today the success on
    • the relationship where one partner is gender variant is based on a variety of
    • factors. Many relationships do stay in tact.
  51. children of Transgender
    • once the gender
    • variant individual does come out the outcome of and impact on the relationship
    • depends on a few things. Based on if the partner already knew, how open the
    • partner is to this topic. There can be an important impact if the partner
    • finding out another way, not from the gender variant partner. Lev is a counselor,
    • that works with couples that there is one gender variant individual. Lev find
    • that couples go through a four stage process when this information is out in
    • the open.

    • §  Stage 1: discovery or disclosure: discovery is
    • involuntary, disclosure is voluntary.

    • §  Stage 2: Regardless, there are some sort of
    • relationship turmoil.

    • §  Stage 3: Negotiation in the “what does this
    • mean for us” sense in the relationship. Do they work things out? Stay together?
    • What to do with children?

    • §  Stage 4: If they make it through negotiation
    • successfully, the fourth stage calls for finding balance. Today the success on
    • the relationship where one partner is gender variant is based on a variety of
    • factors. Many relationships do stay in tact.
Card Set:
2012-06-15 06:06:36

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