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dbranson911
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JANET: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful - didn't Betty look radiantly beautiful - I can't believe it - just an hour ago she was plain Betty Munroe and now she's Mrs. Ralf Hapshatt.
Yes, Janet - Ralf's a lucky guy.
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BRAD: Yes, Janet - Ralf's a lucky guy.
JANET: Yes.
Everyone knows Betty's a wonderful little cook.
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BRAD: Everyone knows Betty's a wonderful little cook.
JANET: Yes.
And Ralf himself will be in line for promotion in a year or two.
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BRAD: And Ralf himself will be in line for promotion in a year or two.
JANET: Yes, Brad.
Hey, Janet [start of song]
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[Car rolls out onto the stage.]
Hmmm...
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[Car rolls out onto the stage.]
BRAD: Hmmm...
JANET: What's the matter, Brad darling?
I think we took a wrong fork a few miles back there. We'd better go on ahead up the road and see if we can find our way back. [Blowout] Oh darn! Janet.
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JANET: What was that bang?
We seem to have a blow-out in the front left-hand tire.
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BRAD: We seem to have a blow-out in the front left-hand tire.
JANET: Oh...
You'd better stay here and keep warm while I go for help.
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BRAD: You'd better stay here and keep warm while I go for help.
JANET: But where will you go? We're in the middle of nowhere?
Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I might use.
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BRAD: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I might use.
JANET: I'm coming with you.
There's no point in both of us getting wet.
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BRAD: There's no point in both of us getting wet.
JANET: I'm coming with you. Besides, darling, the owner of the phone may be a beautiful woman, and you may never come back.
[Cheesy laugh.]
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[Door appears, Janet screams]
It's all right, Janet.
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BRAD: It's all right, Janet.
JANET: Oh Brad let's go back. I'm cold and I'm frightened.
Just a moment, Janet. They may have a telephone.
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BRAD: Just a moment, Janet. They may have a telephone. [knock on door]
RIFF RAFF: Hello.
Oh. Uh. Ahh. Hi there, we're in a bit of a spot, I wonder could you help us - our car is broken down about two miles back - do you have a telephone we might use...?
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RIFF RAFF: You're wet.
JANET: Yes - the rain has been very heavy.
Yes.
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RIFF RAFF: Wait here... [exits]
Excuse me!
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JANET: Oh Brad what soft of place is this - I'm frightened?
It's probably some sort of hunting lodge for rich weirdos - but you're shivering.
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BRAD: It's probably some sort of hunting lodge for rich weirdos - but you're shivering.
JANET: Yes I'm wet.
Look feel this - there's hot air coming from this grille in the wall - take off your sweater and dry it here. I'll keep a look out for the undertaker.
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BRAD: Look feel this - there's hot air coming from this grille in the wall - take off your sweater and dry it here. I'll keep a look out for the undertaker.
JANET: Oh!
For God's sake, keep a grip on yourself Janet. I'm here - there's nothing to worry about. Here dry my coat too.
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BRAD: For God's sake, keep a grip on yourself Janet. I'm here - there's nothing to worry about. Here dry my coat too.
[Group enters, Janet screams.]
It's alright, Janet. Excuse me, hi, look if I could just use your phone, we'll move right along - I'm sure you've got a lot of things to do and hav ea great evening planned.
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RIFF RAFF: The master only wanted to help the boy better his position.
That's very commendable...
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JANET: Say something brad.
Ah... say, do you guys know how to Madison? Janet - out, out, step touch, step touch.
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JANET: Brad, let's get out of here, it seems so unhealthy here - I want to go.
Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
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BRAD: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
JANET: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.
They're probably foreigners with ways different to our own, they may do some more folk dancing.
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BRAD: They're probably foreigners with ways different to our own, they may do some more folk dancing.
JANET: Look I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm just plain scared.
I'm here, Janet, there's nothing to worry about.
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[Sweet Transvestite ends.]
It's all right, Janet, everything's going to be all right, we'll just play along for now - and we'll pull out the aces when the time is right.
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JANET: This is no time for card tricks, Brad, are you sure we'll be alright?
MAGENTA: No bags.
I'm sure, Janet. [To group.] Uh, hi there. I'm Brad Majors, and this is Janet Weiss - my fiancée. You are...
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MAGENTA: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory. A lot of people would give their right arm for the privalege.
People like you, maybe.
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FRANK: Unlock a mind - unmind a lock - its the same as the beginning of the end - do you follow?
JANET: No.
Its an anagram, Janet.
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FRANK: I wonder, may I offer you something refreshing?
[With JANET] No.
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FRANK: No. You're right, I won't - how delightful to have fresh faces around. Magenta - Columbia - go and assist Riff Raff - I will entertain... ahh...
Brad Majors.
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BRAD: Brad Majors.
FRANK: Brad Majors.
And this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss.
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FRANK: Weiss (mispronounced)
BRAD: Weiss.
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FRANK: ... We don't often receive visitors here, let alone show them hospitality...
Hospitality! All we wanted was to use your phone, a reasonable request which you have chosen to ignore.
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JANET: Don't be ungrateful, Brad.
Ungrateful!
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JANET: Tell me, Brad, do you have any tattoos?
Certainly not.
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