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  1. The Demand Man (Batterer Typology)
    • It's your job to do things for me, including taking care of my responsibilities if I drop the ball on them.
    • If I'm unhappy about anything in my life, whether it's related to you or not, it's your fault.
    • You should not place demands on me at all. You should be grateful for whatever I choose to give.
    • I am above criticism.
    • I am a very loving and giving partner. You're lucky to have me.
  2. The Demand Man's (Batterer Typology) victim
    • Caregiver
    • Meek, undemanding
    • Kids are treated the same, expected to meet his needs
  3. Mr. Right (Batterer Typology)
    • You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually. I know better than you do, even about what's good for you.
    • Your opinions aren't worth listening to carefully or taking seriously.
    • The fact that you sometimes disagree with me shows how sloppy your thinking is.
    • If you would just accept that I know what's right, our relationship would go much better. Your own life would go better, too.
    • When you disagree with me about something, no matter how respectfully or meekly, that's mistreatment of me.
    • If I put you down for long enough, some day you'll see.
  4. Mr. Right's (Batterer Typology) victim
    • May have family support because he pisses everybody off
    • Used to being told what to think
  5. Water Torturer (Batterer Typology)
    • You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing.
    • I can easily convince other people that you're the one who is messed up.
    • As long as I'm calm, you can't call anything I do abusive, no matter how cruel.
    • I know exactly how to get under your skin.
    • Calm, cool, collected appearance
    • Pathologizes victim, makes her look crazy
    • Everybody feels sorry for him, wonders how he does it, bakes him up
    • He sees nothing wrong with his behavior
    • Gets custody
    • Doesn't last long in batterer's groups - can't tolerate being confronted on his BS
    • Very sly
  6. Water Torturer's (Batterer Typology) victim
    • Nonassertive
    • Terrified of being read as crazy
    • Kids believe she's crazy
    • Tell her, "He was abusive."
    • Help normalize her thoughts and feelings
  7. Drill Sergeant (Batterer Typology)
    • I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong.
    • I know the exact way that everything should be done.
    • You shouldn't have anyone else - or anything else - in life besides me.
    • I am going to watch you like a hawk to keep you from developing strength or independence.
    • I love you more than anyone in the world, but you disgust me.
    • I am above criticism.
    • I am a very loving and giving partner.
    • Ownership mentality, fanatically jealous - cheating on him = lethal
    • Seduces with a "proper courtship"
    • If he has psychological problems, he is very dangerous
    • Sometimes has trouble getting along with people
    • Abused as a child
    • Very controlling with kids, too
    • Demands perfection
  8. Drill Sergeant's (Batterer Typology) victim
    • Perfectionist
    • May have written instructions, etc. from him that can be used in court
    • Submissive
    • Non-emotive
    • Kids' loyalty is divided
    • Kids may bully - he may encourage it, especially in boys - and/or hate authority
    • Look like all-American family, straight A's, Little League, etc.
    • In shelter, everything in its place, vic will clean up after her kids and others as well.
    • She is ordered, tense, on eggshells all the time.
    • Panic @ loss of routine.
    • Control-related anxiety disorders
    • Victim and kids may lie, being accustomed to it as a survival skill
  9. Mr. Sensitive (Batterer Typology)
    • I'm against the macho men, so I can't be abusive.
    • As long as I use a lot of "psychobabble," no one is going to believe that I'm mistreating you.
    • I control you by analyzing how your mind and emotions work, and what your issues are from childhood.
    • I can get inside your head whether you want me to or not.
    • Nothing in the world is more important than my feelings.
    • Women should be grateful to  me for not being like other men.
    • Like Water Torturer, makes victim feel crazy, but he's smoother
    • Highly educated, frequently in helping professions and/or therapy/recovery
    • "Helping you overcome"
    • Soft-spoken, gentle, peaceful
    • Nothing is ever good enough
    • Master manipulator
    • Demands that his emotions be catered to all the time
    • Fishes for compliments
    • Expects partner to sacrifice for his happiness/peace
    • When confronted he immediately goes into victim mode
  10. Mr. Sensitive  (Batterer Typology) words & phrases
    • developing closeness
    • working out our issues
    • facing difficult things about ourselves
    • anger/upset (rather than abuse/emotional)
    • nobody can hurt you without your permission
    • for your own good
  11. Mr. Sensitive's (Batterer Typology) "guilt game"
    • Partner "hurts his feelings"
    • Appears to acknowledge hurt feelings or concerns of partner
    • Blames partner for any dissatisfaction he has
    • Becomes mean with partner
  12. Mr. Sensitive's (Batterer Typology) victims
    • Confused, lost
    • Hesitate to seek help because people may know him, tell him, side with him
    • People pleaser
    • Takes the blame, apologizes for everything
    • Doubts her perceptions
    • Good, attentive mom, normalizes her kids' lives as much as possible
    • Peacemaker @ shelter
    • Needs empowerment
    • Tell her, "I'd feel crazy too if someone told me I was crazy every day!"
  13. Player (Batterer Typology)
    • Women are on earth to have sex with men - especially me.
    • Women who want sex are too loose; women who refuse sex are too uptight.
    • It's not my fault women find me irresistible.
    • Women seduce me.
    • If you need something from me, I'll ignore you.
    • Women who want nonsexual aspects of themselves appreciated are bitches.
    • If you would meet my sexual needs, I wouldn't have to turn to other women.
  14. Player's (Batterer Typology) tactics with women
    • Makes each woman feel that she's the "special one," but keeps her off balance and not knowing exactly where she stands.
    • Tells each woman the others are lying about their involvement with him because they are jealous of her/he turned her down/he used to be involved with her.
    • Tells each woman stories of how other women have mistreated him. Makes women feel threatened by all other women.
    • Breaks up with women then gets back together with them.
    • Keeps 1 or 2 unattractive women in his circle so he can control them.
  15. Player's (Batterer Typology) victim
    • Self doubting
    • Physically put-together because she wants to keep him, obsessive about appearance
    • Single moms may disengage from children because of obsession with him and the other women
    • Blames the other "bitches" (or "whores," etc.)
    • Help her step back & see his behavior for what it is
    • Pay attention! You may be seeing more than one of his vics at a time.
    • There may be sexual abuse but she doesn't view it as rape/sexual abuse; she complies with his sexual demands to keep him.
  16. Rambo (Batterer Typology)
    • Strength and aggressiveness are good, compassion and conflict resolution are bad.
    • Anything remotely "homosexual" must be avoided at all costs.
    • Women are inferior and are here to serve men and be protected by them.
    • Men should never hit a woman, except to keep her in line.
    • Women belong to men - like trophies. Calls his victim his "lady."
    • Often has a criminal record, maybe gang-related.
    • Can be psychopath or sociopath.
  17. The Victim (Batterer Typology)
    • Everyone has done me wrong, especially women.
    • When you accuse me of abuse, you're just joining everyone who has mistreated me.
    • It's fair for me to do to you what I perceive you are doing to me - even worse.
    • Women who accuse men of abuse are men haters.
    • My life is so difficult, I'm not responsible for my actions.
    • Can't keep a job because he has the worst luck with bosses EVAR, he fails classes because his professors hate him, etc.
    • Gets new partner to help him harrass his ex, fight for custody
    • Sometimes presents at shelter as a victim; assume he is a victim unless you see these non-victim behaviors: contempt and disrespect (not just anger) toward partner/ex, blaming his behavior on her, claims of having been victimized by previous partners, shows no sympathy/support for battered women or accuses them of exaggerating/lying.
  18. Terrorist (Batterer Typology)
    • You have no right to defy or leave me.
    • Women are evil, and must be controlled through terror. True woman-hater.
    • I would rather die than let you go.
    • Children are one of the best ways to terrify you.
    • Seeing you terrified is exciting.
    • Most likely to have been severely abused as a child
    • May have a combination of psychiatric problems, destructive personality type
    • Main goal = keep victim paralyzed with fear
  19. Terrorist's (Batterer Typology) victim
    • Regular safety plans won't work for her
    • Needs a lot of protection & support to leave
    • Worried about the kids & for good reason
    • In real danger: law enforcement standoff, stalking (also her friends & family), etc.
  20. Mentally Ill or Addicted (Batterer Typology)
    • I am not responsible for my actions because of my psychological/substance abuse problem.
    • If you challenge my abusiveness, you are being mean to me. You don't understand my problems.
    • I am/was not abusive, I am/was _____. [bipolar, drunk, blacked-out, depressed...]
    • If you challenge me, it will only make my mental illness/addiction worse.
  21. Truths about batterer myths:
    He was abused as a child
    • A bad childhood doesn't cause a man to become an abuser.
    • A bad childhood can contribute to making an abuser especially dangerous.
  22. Truths about batterer myths:
    He loses control.
    • Does he lose control with everyone?
    • Does he break his things? Who cleans it up?
  23. Truths about batterer myths:
    His previous partner hurt him.
    Becomes an issue when he uses ex-partners as an excuse to abuse current partner
  24. Truths about batterer myths:
    He abuses those he loves the most.
    Does he abuse other people he loves?
  25. Truths about batterer myths:
    He holds in his feelings too much.
    • Most abusers are not repressed. In fact, people get tired of hearing about their feelings.
    • Not distant from his feelings, but from hers.
    • Selfish focus on self.
  26. Truths about batterer myths:
    He has an aggressive personality.
    Is he aggressive toward everyone?
  27. Truths about batterer myths:
    He loses control.
    Does he lose control with everyone?
  28. Truths about batterer myths:
    He's too angry.
    • He is angry because he is abusive.
    • Abusers' attitudes produce fury.
    • Anger management doesn't stop the abuse.
  29. Truths about batterer myths:
    He's mentally ill.
    Their value systems is unhealthy, not their psychology.
  30. Truths about batterer myths:
    He hates women.
    • An attempt to make women responsible for the abuse.
    • Men who have abusive mothers generally don't develop negative attitudes toward women, but men with abusive fathers do.
  31. Truths about batterer myths:
    He fears intimacy and abandonment.
    Abuse follows distance, not closeness.
  32. Truths about batterer myths:
    He has a low self-esteem.
    When self-esteem is improved, the abuse escalates, because he is accustomed to catering. The more he gets, the more he demands.
  33. Truths about batterer myths:
    His boss mistreats him.
    Job improvement does not change abuse at home.
  34. What is domestic violence?
    A pattern of coercive behavior designed to exert power and control over a person in an intimate relationship through the use of intimidating, threatening, harmful, or harassing behavior, including physical, sexual, and psychological attacks and economic and other types of coercion.
  35. Lenore Walker - Battered Woman Syndrome
    • Tension Reduction Phase
    • Acute Battering Phase
    • Loving Contrition Phase
  36. Consistent Truths About Domestic Violence
    • Battered mothers face complex choices and multiple risks.
    • Any action taken by a battered mother to improve her circumstances involves risks for her children and herself.
    • Leaving the abuser sometimes makes conditions worse rather than better for her children.
    • In most cases, pressuring or requiring a battered mother to leave will do more harm than good.
  37. Consistent Truths About Batterers
    • Coercively controlling, intimidating
    • Entitled/Self-centered
    • Manipulative/Good public image
    • Disrespectful, superior, depersonalizing
    • Punishes, retaliates
    • Ownership mentality
    • Justifies the use of violence and abuse
  38. Why Does She Stay?
    • Fear
    • Shame
    • Hope
    • Money
    • Dependence
    • Children
    • Love
    • Family pressure
    • Religious reasons
    • Rural areas
  39. Why Does She Stay?
    • Injury
    • Death
    • Women who leave their batterers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by their batterers than those who stay.
  40. Why Does She Stay?
    • Failed marriage
    • Social stigma
  41. Why Does She Stay?
    • That abuser will change
    • That victim's actions will make abuser change
  42. Why Does She Stay?
    • Abuser controls finances
    • Possible unemployment
  43. Why Does She Stay?
    • The more dependent the victim, the less likely she is to leave.
    • Abuser may forbid employment, education, transportation, even family and friends
    • Men may keep their wives or girlfriends pregnant
    • He makes her think she can't make it without him
  44. Why Does She Stay?
    • Wants them to have two parents
    • Batterer may threaten or abuse children to control
    • Fears a loss of custody to the abuser or the state (victims lose custody to abusers in 67% of cases)
    • Abused children may be silent to protect parent, themselves, or their siblings
    • Various agencies may not coordinate services
    • Battered women are often charged with failure to protect
  45. Why Does She Stay?
    • May still love batterer
    • Battering isn't every day
    • Batterer can be very loving and caring at other times
  46. Why Does She Stay?
    Family Pressure
    • Feels she is a failure as a woman, wife, and mother
    • Inappropriate or no support from family
  47. Why Does She Stay?
    Rural Areas
    • Referral services may be far from home
    • Lack of emergency communication options
    • Lack of transportation
    • Longer emergency response time
    • Physical safety may mean leaving behind all that is familiar
    • Lack of knowledge that DV & child abuse are crimes
    • Law enforcement/other services may be staffed by family & friends
    • Isolation
    • Fewer resources
    • The Bubba factor (Good Ole Boys' Club)
  48. What to say to a victim:
    • I believe you.
    • I'm concerned about your safety.
    • I'm concerned about the safety of your children.
    • When you're ready to make a change, there's help for you and your children.
    • It's not your fault.
    • You deserve to be happy.
  49. Important DV Contact #s:
    • SAFELINE - 800.522.SAFE or get there via 211
    • Attorney General's Victim Services Unit (Lesley March) - 405.521.3921
    • National DV Hotline - 800.799.SAFE - www.ndvh.org
  50. How many Oklahomans died as a result of domestic violence between 1998 and 2010?
  51. How many Oklahomans died as a result of DV when including perpetrators who died as a result of suicide or law enforcement intervention?
  52. How many Oklahoma DV homicides are witnessed by children?
    1 in 3
  53. What was Oklahoma's 2011 rank for women murdered by men?
  54. How many homes with DV also have child abuse?
    1 in 4
  55. How many American women are murdered by their husbands each day?
  56. What ethnic groups tend to be more equal between genders?
    Native Americans
  57. What law, by 753 BCE, gave men the right to beat their wives for a variety of offenses, including insubordination?
    Roman law
  58. Whose property were women considered to be?
    • Before marriage, their fathers'
    • After marriage, their husbands'
  59. What was the purpose of a bride price?
    To compensate the bride's family for the loss of an asset.
  60. What was the purpose of a dowry?
    To compensate the groom's family for taking on the burden of the bride.
  61. In the early 1900s, what things could women still not do?
    • Own property
    • Gain custody
    • File for divorce
  62. What book did Christine de Pizan write, and in what year?
    The Book of the City of Ladies, 1405
  63. What book did Mary Wollenstonecraft write, and in what year?
    A Vindication of the Rights of Women, 1792
  64. What book did Sarah Grimke publish, and in what year?
    Letters on the Equality of the Sexes and the Condition of Women, 1838
  65. What was the first American reform campaign to emphasize the brutality of domestic violence?
    The temperance movement
  66. Who organized the first women's rights convention, when and where?
    Elizabeth Cady Stanton; Seneca Falls, NY in 1848
  67. Who delivered the speech "Ain't I A Woman?" and in what year?
    Sojourner Truth, 1851
  68. During what years did women's rights advocates begin springing up across the country?
  69. Who pled with the government to allow women to divorce on grounds of violence in 1861?
    John Stuart Mill
  70. Which state was the first to rescind the legal right of men to beat their wives? Case name and year?
    Alabama; Fulgrahm v. State, 1871
  71. In what state and year were convicted batterers sentenced to being tied to a post erected in the county seat for 2 - 10 hours?
    Nevada, 1871
  72. Who organized the first women's rights march on Washington?
    Alice Paul
  73. What organization did Lucy Burns, Alice Paul, and other activists form?
    The National Women's Party
  74. What happened when the National Women's Party picketed the White House?
    Many were jailed
  75. What was the 19th Amendment, and when did it pass? When was it ratified by Congress?
    Women's suffrage, 1919; 1920
  76. When did domestic violence reform skyrocket?
    After WWII
  77. What laid the foundation of the domestic violence movement of the 1960s & 1970s?
    The civil rights movement of the 1950s & 1960s
  78. What organizations formed a coalition to treat battered women married to alcoholic men in 1960?
    Al-Anon & Haven House
  79. How many women and children were sheltered by Haven House in Pasadena, CA between 1964 & 1972?
  80. What was the first DV Crisis Center, and when did it open?
    Haven House, 1964
  81. When and where did the first DV hotline open?
    St. Paul, MN; 1972
  82. When did the first battered women's shelter open, and where?
    1972; Pasadena, CA
  83. When and where was the first DV coalition formed?
    1976, Pennsylvania
  84. What book did Betty Friedan write, and in what year?
    The Feminine Mystique, 1963
  85. In what year did NOW vote unanimously to make DV its major issue?
  86. What state became the first to illegalize spousal rape, and when?
    Nebraska, 1976
  87. What shift occurred in the DV field in the 1970s & 1980s?
    Defining the problem - it could happen to anyone, perps are at fault, society should protect
  88. What state was the first to have mandated arrest in DV cases, and in what year?
    Oregon, 1977
  89. In what year did the Office on Domestic Violence open in Washington, DC?
  90. In what year did Oklahoma enact a law providing VPOs, and what was the name of that law?
    1981, Domestic Abuse Bill
  91. What significant legal changes occurred in the late 1980s?
    • Strengthened sentencing & monitoring of services
    • Restricted visitation & custody practices
  92. How were the medical and child welfare systems responding to DV in the late 1980s?
    • Helping to identify DV
    • Offering more safety options for battered women & their children
  93. What shifts occurred in DV strategy from the late 1980s to the present?
    • VAWA
    • Coordinated community responses
  94. When was the first planning meeting for the OCDV?
    July 10, 1978
  95. When and where was the first Oklahoma DV shelter opened?
    April 1979, Enid
  96. Major moments for DV
    • VOCA (1984)
    • Tracy Thurman v. City of Torrington (1985)
    • Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson (1994)
    • VAWA (1994)
  97. What are the Batterer Typologies?
    • The Demand Man
    • Mr. Right
    • Water Torturer
    • Drill Sergeant
    • Mr. Sensitive
    • Player
    • Rambo
    • The Victim
    • Terrorist
    • Mentally Ill/Addicted
  98. Why does she stay?
    • Fear
    • Love
    • Hope
    • Money
    • Children
    • Shame
    • Dependence on Batterer
    • Family Pressure
    • Rural Areas
  99. Batterer Myths
    • He was abused as a child.
    • He loses control.
    • His previous partner hurt him.
    • He abuses those he loves the most.
    • He holds in his feelings too much.
    • He has an aggressive personality.
    • He loses control.
    • He's too angry.
    • He's mentally ill.
    • He hates women.
    • He fears intimacy and abandonment.
    • He has a low self-esteem.
    • His boss mistreats him.
    • He has poor communication and conflic resolution skills.
    • There are as many abusive women as there are men.
    • An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable.
    • An abuser's core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.
    • The abuser's problem is his belief that controlling or abusing his partner is justifiable.
Card Set:

Study cards for Ann Lowrance's Domestic Violence Exam 1, Fall 2012 OSU-OKC
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