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Rules ->
predictable patterns -> structure
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When a family has rules, we say it has:
structure
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Regulations:
describe what its supposed to be and rules relate to what is
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How do rules and structure develop?
- prenuptual agreement
- Cultural differences
- family of origin influences
- things you have learned from your own family, or you tendto do the opposite
- personality influences/biological influences (dominant/submissive presonality)
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Healthy families are similar in 3 ways:
- 1. clear boundaries
- 2. Hierarchal organization - in healthy families "there is an unambiguous hierarchy of power, with leadership in the hands of the parents, who form a united coalition" (nichols)
- 3. Flexibility
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Satir's: Healthy rules should support 5 freedoms:
- the freedom to perceive what you perceive
- the freedom to think one's own thoughts
- the freedom to feel one's own feelings
- the freedom to choose what one desires
- the freedom to develop in ways that are consistent with the actualization or positive development of the self
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Characteristics and functions of rules
- Often implicit
- Allow for accountabiliy
- Denote physical and psychological boundaries
- Regulate closeness and distance
- Regulate roles
- Regulate flexibility-rigidity and exceptions
- Address implementation and violation
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Dancing in families-
rule sequence:
- Connected series of rules that governs a complex pattern of behavior
- Involve a cyclic pattern
- Can be healthy - rituals
- Can be unhealthy, called vicious cycles (sometimes called dances)
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Dances couples do
- Pursuer/distancer
- Drifting dance
- Conflictual dance
- Circular dance
- The overfunction-underfunction dance
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Pursuer/distancer dance:
one partner seeks to deal with anxiety head on and the other puts up barriers and runs away
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The drifting couple dance:
- partners often drift apart due to lack of similar interests and an inability to resolve conflict
- rarely do things together
- when they are together there is little joy in the relationship
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The conflictual couple dance:
just as the drifting couple avoids conflict, the conflictual couple uses conflict to help them deal with issues of closeness and distance
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The circular dance
they connect with each other emotionally but they rarely resolve issues
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The purpose of dances:
often regulate and control some anxiety and deal with issues of closeness and distance
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The overfunction-underfunction dance:
one person does too much and the other doesnt really do anything
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Dimensions of cohesion and adaptability are measured by FACES inventory:
- Disengaged
- Separated
- Connected
- Enmeshed
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Adaptability (flexibility):
how easily families can change or modify their rules
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Family ideology:
A shared belief system, central to guiding family rules, goals, and way of being
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Different family ideology systems (sometimes called paradigms)
Three types:
- 1. Closed - "right away" - traditional, parental authority, somewhat rigid
- 2. Open- flexible, tolerant, negotiates
- 3. Random- few set schedules and rules, individual freedom
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What happens when these families experience problems?
The exaggeration principle - family tries harder, exaggerates its own character
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The Epigenesis Principle:
what is done in the early stages in a relationship influences what can be and is done in later stages
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Morphostasis/morphostasis principle:
the push to stay the same - attenuating/negative feedback
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Morphogenesis/morphogenesis principle:
the push to change - amplifying/positive feedback
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Why is change so difficult in families?
- 1. Early rules have significant meaning and are associated with deeply felt emotions
- 2. Many beliefs and feelings are unconsious or partially unconscious
- 3. A rule becomes a part of a complex web of rules; any attempt to change one rule has implications concerning other things
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Change: although it is hard, some changes do occur.
Some examples that produce change:
- birth of first child
- your mother in law coming to live with you
- your child growing up and needing fewer rules
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The family life cycle: six stages
- 1. the unattached young adult
- 2. marriage
- 3. the family with young children
- 4. the family with adolscents
- 5. launching children and moving on
- 6. the family in later life
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