understanding relationships

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Author:
faulkebr
ID:
174273
Filename:
understanding relationships
Updated:
2012-09-29 12:58:52
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chapter
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Description:
transitions in family life
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  1. marriage transition: what partners should know
    • 1. keep separate identities as well as create couple identity (symbolizes unity candle)
    • 2. dont expect partner to always make you happy
    • 3. love will not always come easy
    • 4. will have disagreements that will be difficult to work thru - perpetual issues
    • 5. your partner will not always put your love and relationship first
  2. Mapping marital stages:
    A recurring three stage cycle-
    • 1. expansion and promise
    • 2. contraction and betrayal
    • 3. resolution
  3. Expansion and promise-
    • initial implicit contract- to be caring, understanding, and a perfect mate
    • optimism and good feeling
    • partners open up to each other
    • feel accepted and loved
    • enjoy new married status
    • are experiencing romantic love
  4. Contraction and betrayal:
    • differences emerge that cant be easily overlooked
    • forays more common
    • positive feelings gradually give way to negative feeings - anger and disappointment
    • couple passes a threshold - negative affect becomes the prevailing tone
  5. Resolution:
    • compromise and negotiation
    • must adjust- accept undesirable characteristics
    • see both good and bad
    • desire to work things out
    • a more accepting relationship emergesĀ 
    • Home Base - plae where couple tends to spend most of their time/relationship
    • cycles begin and end at home base
  6. Transition: parenthood - the first child
    False beliefs
    • 1. being a good parent - easy/natural
    • 2. if you love your child, they will turn out alright
    • 3. one best solution to child rearing problems
    • 4. your children will appreciate what you do for them
  7. Having child produced changes in marriages (Belsky)
    • communication
    • emotional experiencing
    • sexual relationship
    • closeness
  8. Belsky studies 6 domains-
    • 1. Self
    • 2. Gender ideology
    • 3. Emotionality
    • 4. Communication
    • 5. Expectations
    • 6. Conflict resolution
  9. 1. Self domain
    • women - value affiliation
    • men value sutonomy/independence (man must be willing to surrender not just a portion of his independence, but nearly all of it)
    • must move away from self focus and help with housework and with wifes emotional life
  10. 2. Emotionality
    • mental energy - +/- (- worry alot, + to be too optimistic about relationship
    • predisposition to negative leads to worry - imagining the worst
  11. Negative emotionality often leads to:
    • 1. velcro effect
    • 2. magnifying effect
  12. Velcro effect
    getting stuck on negativity
  13. Magnifying effect
    making it a bigger problem than what it really is
  14. 3. Communication
    • the decline of quality communication
    • couples talked less, talk less satisfying
    • new demands left little time
    • baby focused talk
    • decline in activities that promote inimacy
  15. 4. Gender ideology
    • disagreements abiut division of labor
    • baby is moms work
    • men feel less competent; mom is expert
    • fathers hesitancy gives over mom's competence
    • dad cant do it right
  16. 5. Conflict management
    • conflicts post baby increase 20-30%
    • 2 unsuccessful approachesĀ 
    • -avoiders couldnt tolerate heated conflict
    • -others let conflict spin out of control
    • Constructive fighters
    • -could compromise
    • -didnt lways have to win
    • -affection and high reagrd for each other kept conflict in control
    • -had deep affection for each other
  17. Rearing children/adolescents in a toxic world
    -Garbarino's toxic agents
    • internet sites
    • tv/movies
    • the advertising culture
    • drugs
    • portraying parents and the older generation as incompetent
    • guns and violence
  18. What happened to adolescence?
    • the intro level: preschool, the gimmies
    • the exploration level: elementary school, "the tyranny of the cool" (gimmies in full swing)
    • The comfort level: "tyranny of cool" loses power, find comfort zone

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