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Dynamics present in an individual that contribute to an affair.
Anger, vindictiveness, devaluation of oneself, devaluation of one's sexual desirability, issues of wanting to be desired or appreciated, idealizing or fantasizing about relationships, feeling of entitlement, tendency to be flirtatious.
Social Enviorment for a tendency for an affiar
Extended close proximity with those you work with, someone being lonely or hurting, mutual attraction, flirtatious or seductive enviorment.
Circumstances for an Affair
Loneliness, boredom, lack of enjoyable connections; emotional, affection, sexual, recreational, lack of deep communication, extreme cultural or valuve differences.
Main Stages of treating an affair
- Stage 1 : Dealing with the impact
- Stage 2: Finding Meaning
- Stage 3 Moving on
What happens in Stage 1?
- Assessment: looking at crisis, defenses, lack of affect
- boundary setting, self care and affect regulation, exploring impact of affair, coping with flashbacks.
What happens in stage 2?
Exploring why the affair happened, aspects of the individuals.
What happens in stage 3?
Letting go and moving on, forgiveness, trusting, and preparing for temptation.
When might a seperation be helpful for a couple's relationship?
When the couple is in the midst of a lot of negative emotions and initiating.
What would be suggested to help separation be productive?
Have it be a working separation, therapy becomes the important piece where the couple clairfies issues, sets goals, and does assignemtns. Set clear boundaries and guidelines of the separation and dating. Create an atmosphere where partners issues can be discussed and growth happens.
Biggest issues to overcome Re-marriage
Unhealthy communication styles, role expecations, boundaries, unresolved family of origin patterns, loyalty issues between biological parents and sept children. Parenting challanges for step-parent with step children, split loyalty between one partner and his/her biological children, intrustions with the ex-partner.
Dance of Addictions
People who have a dangible addiction are programed to; re-enact the family role, re-enact the same coping methods of the family, deny the affects of addiction, need someome with weak boundaries, need someone willing to absorb the affects of addiction, need someone to also deny the addiction.
Positive Motivation for Addiction
- Recognition that behavior iks "bigger than them"
- Prioritizing recovery and sticking to it.
- Ownership and not blaming. "Cleaning up their side of the street"
- Motivation becomes internally driven, not from outside pressures.
- Acceptance of the long term nature of recovery.
Whymight a systems therapist de-emphasize the idea of treating an Axis II disorderseparately from the coupletherapy?
Systems therapists are less likely to suggest labels for individuals because they see the whole system as the “client”, and therefore it is the entire system that needs help. They may resist any notion of individual pathology in relational dynamics.
Struggles of Gay and Lesbian Couples
- Therpapist counter-transference and then transference from client can play a role in therapy.
- Have they stayed in or out of the closet, social isolation? whether or not to make relationship public, HIV complications and stresses?
- Uncovering unconscious issues relating to their own orientation and the impact on the couple.
- Issues of differentiation and attachment: finding their roles.
Therapist Issues working with Gays and Lesbians
- General comfort level with love and sexuality between same-sex couples
- values about same sex attraction
- over identifying may cause loss of objectivity with couples unique issues
- seeing the couple in a less viable relationship
- biases about gender roles.
Gay and Lesbian Family of Origin Stres
Stress of breaking ties when coming out, not being tolerated for their orientation. Begin new families where same-sex community connections become the emotional and physhical support network.
DV Batterer Classification
- Family-only Batter
- Dysphoric/borderline batterer
- generally violent/antisocial batter
What are Cluster A personality disorders?
Odd or eccentric disorders; Paranoid disorders, schizoid disorder, schizotypal disorder
What are cluster B Personality Disorders?
Dramatic, emotional, erractic disorders; antisocial, borderline, histrionic, narcissistic
Cluster C personality disorders?
Anxious or fearful disorders; avoidant disorder, depended disorder, obsessive compulive personality disorder.
Borderline Personality and Domestic Violence
Very emotionally and psychologically abusive, mild to moderate physical abuse; emotionally labile and unpredictable, homocidal and suicide threats.
Risk for Borderline Personality
- Alcohol and drug problems
- mental health issues
- abuse as a child
- Pervassive pattern of grandiosity/"image"
- lack of empathy
- hypersensitive to evaluation of others
- inflated false self
- emptiness and shame at core of personality
- others seen as extension of self.
- Will dismantle victims emotionally, complete control of their activity, manipulate, moderate physical abuse more emotional or psychological abuse.
Risks with Narcissitic Personality
- Control of money, activity, socialization
- image outside the home
- abuse as a child
- higher level of intensity vs hpd and bpd
- Criminal activity/legal histrory
- behavior begins in adolescense
- extreme impulsivity
- calm in crisis situations
- lack of emotional responsiveness
- no attachment
- will terrorize, physically abuse, not likely to change with intervention; most dangerous of personality disorders.
Risks Assessment for Antisocial
- Control of money, activity, socialization
- abuse of children
- assult outside family
- cruel to pets
- criminal history
- Phase one - elimination or change of dysfunctional or destructive behavior, containments; crisis intervention; safety planning.
- Phase two - education, learning new skills
- Phase three - acquisition of personal insight
Goals for treatment for domestic violence
- Increase perpetrator accountablility
- prevent further violence
- decrease recdivism
- increase mental functioning
- Treat for PTSD (victim)
Domestic Violence treatment Suggestions
- Perpetrator treatment = 16 weeks
- No court ordered treatment for victims
- no couples therapy unless: 12 week min in treatment, no continued risk of danger, safety plan in place, victim acknowledges desire for treatment
- funds available
- relapse to be expected
- Take control of the situation
- determine real client
- empasize strengths
- mobilize social resources
- lethality and danger assessment
- serious red flags
- safe place and time to meet with victim, take people with you.
- Get a safe plan.
How to deal with personality disorder?
- Set firm boundaries with client and follow through
- behavior logs
- strengths focused
- don't expect total change-modification is key
- work with a team/avoid trianges.