Relationships

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Author:
faulkebr
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181106
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Relationships
Updated:
2012-11-01 11:36:39
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  1. Family influence is powerful- due to:
    • 1. Heredity - inherited predispositions
    • 2. Environment - esp. family of origin experiences
    • 3. Heredity deals the cards, the forces of the environment and our own initiative play the hand
  2. Heredity-
    • Studies linking heredity to one's personality
    • Emotionality, introversion/extraversion, sensation seeking, etc..
    • Explorer, Builder, Director, Negotiator
    • Interaction - heredity and environment
  3. Family of origin experiences
    • family relationships - not replicated in any other setting
    • mother/child, father/child, sibling/sibling bonds
    • a complex web of connections
  4. Why is family so important?
    • Heredity influence
    • Its influence begins in early life
    • Its influence is broad influencing so many things
    • Is usually permanent 
    • In summary: heredity, environment, esp. family environment, are all important
  5. Couple comes togther to create their own culture - Where do their differences come from?
    • Gottman says 69% of problems are perpetual (they dont go away) -chores, emotionality
    • separateness/togetherness
    • money
    • child rearing philosophy 
    • neat/organized - sloppy/disorganized
    • communication: talk/quiet
  6. Generational Transmission Principle 
    • Families tend to transmit learnings that reach far into the future (what you learn early on stay with you till you make own relationship or kids)
    • Self concept/concept of others
    • Child rearing philosophy
    • Roles we play
    • Emotional philosophy
    • Attitudes
  7. Generational influence
    • Cowans becoming a parent project
    • studied 96 couples from pregnancy thru kindergarten
    • studied 4 things:
    • 1.problems with alcohol in family of origin
    • 2.conflict in family of origin
    • 3.secure/insecure attachment in family of origin
    • 4.family distress & academic/social problems
  8. Generational influence
    -Cowans Study: Alcohol
    • 20% of parents with problems
    • None of new parents reported problems
    • men/women whose parents had abused alcohol had significantly greater difficulty
    • depression, self esteem, parenting stress, role dissatisfaction, and satisfaction with marriage
  9. Generational influence
    Cowans study: Conflict
    • Assess conflict in family of origin/correlated with marital satisfaction
    • 4 pairings:
    • 1. both parents from high conflict homes. Report a substantial decline in marital sat.
    • 2. Husbands F.O.O. low conflict/wife high. Avoided serious drom in sat.
    • 3. Husbands F.O.O. high conflict/wife low. Increased dissatisfaction for both
    • 4. Both parents come from low conflict homes. Report least drop in marital sat.
  10. Distressed families - child outcomes
    • the most distressed families...
    • Findings: 
    • -Children more aggressive or shy
    • -Lower reading and math scores
  11. Understanding adult relationship behavior begins by looking at:
    early childhood experience
  12. How we relate to significant others as adults is a reflection of the relationship we had with:
    parents
  13. The infant/child develops an "unconscious mental ________ of parents"
    representation
  14. 3 different attachment styles:
    • 1. secure
    • 2. avoidant
    • 3. anxious ambivalent
  15. Ainsworth's research: Strange Situation test
    toddler experiment, mom leaves the room
  16. Adults who have avoidant style:
    • fear intimacy
    • may view partner negatively
    • have trouble with anger displace anger
    • may believe that romance rarely lasts forever
  17. Adults with anxious ambivalent style:
    • fall in love many times, but have difficulty finding long term happiness
    • they fear losing their partner and are quick to give in to the partner's wishes to keep him/her happy May become clingers
    • are more likely to fall in love with someone who doesnt love them in return
  18. Emotion Focused Therapy
    • Sue Johnson
    • "Hold Me Tight"
    • based on attachment theory
    • similar to object relations theory but..
  19. Secure Attachment:
    an affectionate relationship in which partners mutually derive and provide closeness, comfort, and security
  20. Attachment injury:
    when one partner violates the expectation that the other will offer comfort and caring, esp. in times of distress
  21. A primal panic
    when partner is emotionally inavailable or unresponsive we face being out in the cold, alone and helpless
  22. 2 ways we respond to primal panic
    • 1. demanding and clinging
    • 2. withdraw and detach

    This leads to anger, frustation, resentment
  23. Imago-
    mental picture of caregivers who influenced you most strongly at early age
  24. Minimizers
    tend to withdraw into themselves in regard to thoughts and feelings
  25. Maximizers
    move toward others as they express their thoughts and feelings
  26. Primitive Brain -
    • recreates the conditions of upbringing in order to correct them (heal wounds)
    • seeks imago match
    • believes neg. traits are most imp., so that we can work thru issues from childhood in adulthood
  27. Role Theory:
    • 1. Scapegoat
    • 2. Superhero
    • 3. Enabler
    • 4. Distracter
    • 5. Lost child
  28. The scapegoat-
    • takes on family's pain
    • becomes a problem to distract parents from their conflicts (claudia)
  29. The superhero-
    be good, try hard, do right, please
  30. The enabler-
    tries to work things out by taking care of family member who is distressed
  31. The distracter-
    distract attention away with humor or entertainment
  32. The lost child-
    uses withdrawal to avoid pain
  33. Roles that bind-
    Napier
    • Bring child closer to family
    • -parental child 
    • -companionate child
    • -marital child
    • -dependent child
  34. Parental child-
    takes on parental roles, but never can do quite good enough job
  35. Companionate child-
    pushed to play friend role
  36. Marital child-
    satisfy a sexual or companionship need of parent or stepparent
  37. Dependent child-
    parent is overprotective
  38. Roles that push away
    • The rejected child
    • The delegate child
    • The rulebreaker child
  39. The rejected child-
    often forced on the child
  40. The delegate child
    feels pressure to succeed
  41. The rulebreaker child
    to dflect attention away from parental conflict (claudia)
  42. Determinants of emotional makeup
    Gottman's 3 things to examine:
    • 1. one's emotional philosophy
    • 2. One's emotional history
    • 3. One's emotional vulnerabilities
  43. 1. One's emotional philosophy-
    • the dismissing philosophy-child's feelings are unimportant, trivial, made light of
    • the emotion dissapproving philosophy-similar to dismissing but more neg.
    • the laissez-faire philosophy-freely accepts all emotions but offers little guidance
  44. The transitional character-
    changes destructive pattern
  45. 3. Emotional vulnerabilities-
    like the people on oprah, went thru vulnerabilities in childhood. Debbie-dad left her, carried into marriage 

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