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Family influence is powerful- due to:
- 1. Heredity - inherited predispositions
- 2. Environment - esp. family of origin experiences
- 3. Heredity deals the cards, the forces of the environment and our own initiative play the hand
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Heredity-
- Studies linking heredity to one's personality
- Emotionality, introversion/extraversion, sensation seeking, etc..
- Explorer, Builder, Director, Negotiator
- Interaction - heredity and environment
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Family of origin experiences
- family relationships - not replicated in any other setting
- mother/child, father/child, sibling/sibling bonds
- a complex web of connections
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Why is family so important?
- Heredity influence
- Its influence begins in early life
- Its influence is broad influencing so many things
- Is usually permanent
- In summary: heredity, environment, esp. family environment, are all important
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Couple comes togther to create their own culture - Where do their differences come from?
- Gottman says 69% of problems are perpetual (they dont go away) -chores, emotionality
- separateness/togetherness
- money
- child rearing philosophy
- neat/organized - sloppy/disorganized
- communication: talk/quiet
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Generational Transmission Principle
- Families tend to transmit learnings that reach far into the future (what you learn early on stay with you till you make own relationship or kids)
- Self concept/concept of others
- Child rearing philosophy
- Roles we play
- Emotional philosophy
- Attitudes
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Generational influence
- Cowans becoming a parent project
- studied 96 couples from pregnancy thru kindergarten
- studied 4 things:
- 1.problems with alcohol in family of origin
- 2.conflict in family of origin
- 3.secure/insecure attachment in family of origin
- 4.family distress & academic/social problems
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Generational influence
-Cowans Study: Alcohol
- 20% of parents with problems
- None of new parents reported problems
- men/women whose parents had abused alcohol had significantly greater difficulty
- depression, self esteem, parenting stress, role dissatisfaction, and satisfaction with marriage
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Generational influence
Cowans study: Conflict
- Assess conflict in family of origin/correlated with marital satisfaction
- 4 pairings:
- 1. both parents from high conflict homes. Report a substantial decline in marital sat.
- 2. Husbands F.O.O. low conflict/wife high. Avoided serious drom in sat.
- 3. Husbands F.O.O. high conflict/wife low. Increased dissatisfaction for both
- 4. Both parents come from low conflict homes. Report least drop in marital sat.
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Distressed families - child outcomes
- the most distressed families...
- Findings:
- -Children more aggressive or shy
- -Lower reading and math scores
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Understanding adult relationship behavior begins by looking at:
early childhood experience
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How we relate to significant others as adults is a reflection of the relationship we had with:
parents
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The infant/child develops an "unconscious mental ________ of parents"
representation
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3 different attachment styles:
- 1. secure
- 2. avoidant
- 3. anxious ambivalent
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Ainsworth's research: Strange Situation test
toddler experiment, mom leaves the room
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Adults who have avoidant style:
- fear intimacy
- may view partner negatively
- have trouble with anger displace anger
- may believe that romance rarely lasts forever
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Adults with anxious ambivalent style:
- fall in love many times, but have difficulty finding long term happiness
- they fear losing their partner and are quick to give in to the partner's wishes to keep him/her happy May become clingers
- are more likely to fall in love with someone who doesnt love them in return
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Emotion Focused Therapy
- Sue Johnson
- "Hold Me Tight"
- based on attachment theory
- similar to object relations theory but..
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Secure Attachment:
an affectionate relationship in which partners mutually derive and provide closeness, comfort, and security
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Attachment injury:
when one partner violates the expectation that the other will offer comfort and caring, esp. in times of distress
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A primal panic
when partner is emotionally inavailable or unresponsive we face being out in the cold, alone and helpless
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2 ways we respond to primal panic
- 1. demanding and clinging
- 2. withdraw and detach
This leads to anger, frustation, resentment
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Imago-
mental picture of caregivers who influenced you most strongly at early age
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Minimizers
tend to withdraw into themselves in regard to thoughts and feelings
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Maximizers
move toward others as they express their thoughts and feelings
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Primitive Brain -
- recreates the conditions of upbringing in order to correct them (heal wounds)
- seeks imago match
- believes neg. traits are most imp., so that we can work thru issues from childhood in adulthood
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Role Theory:
- 1. Scapegoat
- 2. Superhero
- 3. Enabler
- 4. Distracter
- 5. Lost child
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The scapegoat-
- takes on family's pain
- becomes a problem to distract parents from their conflicts (claudia)
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The superhero-
be good, try hard, do right, please
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The enabler-
tries to work things out by taking care of family member who is distressed
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The distracter-
distract attention away with humor or entertainment
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The lost child-
uses withdrawal to avoid pain
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Roles that bind-
Napier
- Bring child closer to family
- -parental child
- -companionate child
- -marital child
- -dependent child
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Parental child-
takes on parental roles, but never can do quite good enough job
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Companionate child-
pushed to play friend role
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Marital child-
satisfy a sexual or companionship need of parent or stepparent
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Dependent child-
parent is overprotective
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Roles that push away
- The rejected child
- The delegate child
- The rulebreaker child
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The rejected child-
often forced on the child
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The delegate child
feels pressure to succeed
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The rulebreaker child
to dflect attention away from parental conflict (claudia)
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Determinants of emotional makeup
Gottman's 3 things to examine:
- 1. one's emotional philosophy
- 2. One's emotional history
- 3. One's emotional vulnerabilities
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1. One's emotional philosophy-
- the dismissing philosophy-child's feelings are unimportant, trivial, made light of
- the emotion dissapproving philosophy-similar to dismissing but more neg.
- the laissez-faire philosophy-freely accepts all emotions but offers little guidance
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The transitional character-
changes destructive pattern
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3. Emotional vulnerabilities-
like the people on oprah, went thru vulnerabilities in childhood. Debbie-dad left her, carried into marriage
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