Last exam!!

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  1. Why is communication in families a complex process?
    • Digital message 
    • Analogic message
  2. Digital message
    actual words
  3. Analogic message-
    message contained in body language, facial expressions, or way words are spoken (metamessage)
  4. Approx. 90% of the impact (meaning) comes from:
  5. What we communicate:
    needs, thoughts, feelings, observations
  6. Needs - biological and learned
    the need to affiliate - separateness or independence vs. involvement, connected, close - Tannen
  7. Wives - language of ___________
    Husbands - language of ___________
    • involvement
    • separateness

    ex: wife comes in talking about er day, not so much about her day, but really trying to connect
  8. Whi is communication indirect?
    Tannen says:
    • 1. want others to know without having to tell them - same wave length
    • 2. does not feel right; having to tell someone to care is a suspect kind of caring ("i shouldnt have to tell him")
    • 3. indirectness is safer
  9. The 5 love languages
    • words of affirmation
    • quality time
    • receiving gifts
    • acts of service
    • physical touvh
  10. Observations are communicated:
    • this is factual information
    • usually straightforward and direct
  11. Analyzing communication: 
    problems related to sender-
    • mistakes due to senders failure to communicate intent clearly
    • another mistake: senders verbal and nonverbal message may not match
    • senders words correctly reflect thoughts but sender doesnt explain. leaves receiver to infer thoughts
    • moods and feeling states
  12. analyzing communication: problems related to receiver-
    • inattention
    • current mood states- feeings may carry over from hard day, past interactions
    • gender differences
    • the relationship bank account/feeings
  13. How not to talk:
    -common communication mistakes
    • Dan Wile-
    • using "you" statements instead of "i"
    • using words like never, always
    • responding before exhibiting empathy and understanding for partner's view
    • making mind reading responses
    • call partner names
    • bringing up old grievances from past (kitchen sinking)
  14. Core issues that underlie conflict

    • nurturance - caring and love
    • intimacy - closeness and distance
    • power and control - decision making
    • fidelity/faithfulness - trust
    • differences in style
  15. Communication styles: Why we are different
    • past training (how they did it in their family)
    • personality and temperament differences
    • gender differences
  16. How are we different: male/female
    • females - move toward others, attempting to share feelings and be close (involvement & connection)
    • Males - uncomfortable with closeness, expression of feelings, and sharing personal concerns: talk about things - the game, the car, the stock market
  17. Tannen on gender differences:
    • gaze and communication in children
    • creating connection (females) and negotiating status (imp. to males)
    • talking at home (females) and in public groups (males)
  18. Communication when conflict arises:
    Hendrix- the couple's dialogue

    • mirroring, validation, empathy
    • the PREP approach
    • Rules for habdling conflict-
    •  1. the speaker listener technique
    •    - agenda, brainstorming, agreement, follow up, & compromise
  19. PREP developers have noted several common hidden issues
    • 1. power rand control
    • 2. needing and caring
    • 3. recognition
    • 4. commitment
    • 5. integrity
    • 6. acceptance
Card Set:
Last exam!!
2012-12-11 15:55:38

ch 8
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