final exam

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  1. Disadvantages associated with divorce
    • 1. toxic patterns carried over from first marriage to second
    • 2. divorce may create new problems that previously didnt exist
    • 3. divorce may create adjustment problems for kids
  2. Warning signs even before marriage
    • problems with self esteem
    • problems of anger and self control
    • problems with addiction
    • problems concerning unfinished business from childhood
  3. Divorce from a process perspective
    Gottman- Observed:

    • Couple's interactions, discussing topics, working on tasks together, attempting to resolve conflict
    • Observed facial expressions, bodily gestures...
    • Measured psychological changes such as heart rate, palm moisture...
    • also assessd cognitive components - thoughts
  4. 3 healthy marital styles
    • Gottman-
    • validating couples
    • volatile couples
    • avoidant couples
  5. Validating couples
    • emotions and opinions - vaildated by listening and understanding
    • mutual respect, few disagreements
    • compromise
    • good friends, value "we" over "me"
  6. possible drawbacks of vaidating marriages:
    too much we and not enough me
  7. Volatile couples
    • heated arguments, high energy
    • negative/positive emotional expression
    • involved in give and take
    • equals within a loving marriage
    • allow for individuality/differences
  8. drawbacks of volatile couples
    1 partner gets so upset that they say something that they shouldnt. Go too far and cant go back
  9. Avoidant couples
    • "conflict miimizers"
    • down play their differences
    • accept positives, ignore differences
    • "love will see us through"
    • agree to disagree
  10. drawbacks of avoidant couples
    face something they disagree on and they wont know how to deal with it
  11. The imp. 5 to 1 ratio
    • at least 5 positive interactions to every 1 egative interaction
    • if couples couldnt maintain this, their marriages became troubled
  12. unhealthy marriage styles
    • hostile/engaged; hot arguments, put downs, failure to listen and empathize
    • hostile/detached: some hostility but at least one partner somewhat emotionally uninvolved and detached 
  13. The 4 horsemen of the apocalypse
    • 1. criticism
    • 2. defensiveness
    • 3. contempt
    • 4. stonewalling
  14. Criticism
    • blaing and attacking one's personal character
    • often begins with "yoo"
    • complaints = soft start up
    • criticism = harsh startup
  15. Defensiveness
    • follows criticism
    • response to attack
    • usually escalates conflict/negativity
  16. Contempt
    • intentional insult
    • views spouse as stupid and incompetent
    • intent to abuse aand harm
    • corrodes respect and admiration
    • the sulfuric acid of relationships
  17. Signs of contempt
    • insults
    • name calling
    • hostile humor
    • mockery
    • body language - often head tilting back, roll eyes
  18. Stonewalling
    • withdrawal to control overwhelming emotions
    • silent looking away, disengagement, or leaving the room
    • couples begin to reset thermostat
  19. The distance and isolation cascade
    • as the 4 horsemen invade, partners lose respect and admiration for one another
    • perceive problems as as severe unsolvable
    • talk is useless
    • live separate lives as loneliness sets in
    • rewrite history - construe past negatively
    • little irritants become magnified
    • past viewed as troubled and chaotic
  20. partners who continue to have ___________ have the best marriages
    high expectations
  21. Uncoupling: another view
    Diana Vaughan-

    • interviewed 103 people whos relationships had failed
    • partners go throuhg same stages but at diff times
  22. viewpoint of initiator
    • starts with secret/something not quite right
    • after time (I) decides to communicate discontent
    • communication often difficult
    • (I) fearful and uncertain
    • usually communicates harshly
    • rather than "im unhappy because..." expresses criticism
    • redifine self, relationship, finds alternate ways of seeking validation
    • nothing gets resolved in marriage
    • goes public to selected audience and mourns
    • reconstructs history
    • explores what life may be like after
  23. rejected partner
    • aware without being aware
    • sees and hears, but shooses to deny
    • difficulty receiving bad news
    • selectively processes experiences that reinforce commitment
    • hangs on to the picture of intact marriage
    • avoids thoughts of breakup
Card Set:
final exam
2012-12-11 16:27:45

ch 9
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