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3 Parts of Competent Communication:
6 Characteristics of Communication:
- Relies on multiple channels
- Passes through perceptual filters
- People give it its meaning
- Sends messages intentionally and not
- Governed by rules our culture dictates
- Relational implications
- Will solve any problem
- Inherently good
- More is better
5 Characteristics of Competent Communicators:
- Cognitive Complexity
- Defines & governs the conditions & circumstances under which various messages may or may not be sent, noticed & interpreted.
- Provides structure.
- Transmitted through subtle messages
7 Characteristics of Culture:
- 1. Learned. Enculturation.
- 2. Transmitted. From generation to generation.
- 3. Based in symbols. ex writing, alfabet
- 4. Subject to change. 3 ways:
- - Innovation (ex, cars, computers)
- - Diffusion (from 1 culture to another)
- - Acculturation (drastic. ex slavery)
- 5. Integrated. Built in/systemic. Domino shifts
- 6. Ethnocentric. Can be healthy: Culture & personal identity, or unhealthy: superiority
- 7. Adaptive (ex, modern lingo)
Hofstede's 6 Dimension Values: (Cultures)
"Software of the Mind"
(All on their own continuum)
- 1. Collectivism vs. Individualism (group identity vs individuality)
- 2. Uncertainty Avoidance (High uncertainty: Greater need for formal rules, absolute truths. Low uncertainty: More accepting of Life's uncertainty)
- 3. Power Distance (Japan, bow to elders. US, power more equal)
- 4. Masculine v Feminine (Achievement vs Nurturance)
- 5. High Context v Low Context (High: Ambiguous, messages implied. Women in US. Low: Clear, messages explicit, verbal. US Men)
- 6. Monochronic vs. Polychronic (How cultures deal with time. Mono: Plans, schedules, deadlines. Poly: Frequently late. Rest of world)
- EROS: (Beauty). Falls in love at 1st sight. Fizzle quickly. Passionate. Extreme highs & lows.
- LUDUS: (Player). Winning the prize.
- STORGIC: Love grows naturally from friendship. Lots of trust, commitment, friendship. May be hard to say "I love you"
- PRAGMA: Rational, practical, lists. Not emotional.
- MANIA: Passion of eros. Strong need for attention & affection. Controlling.
- AGAPE: Altruistic. Unselfish, never jealous. All for other person.
The process of deliberately revealing information about ones self that is significant & would not normally be known by others.
2 Types of Self-Disclosure:
- 1. Evaluative. "I" statements. You learn about the person, not the content. "I love tennis." Judgemental.
- 2. Descriptive. You're describing information. "I used to play tennis often" Descriptive.
Ways we use self-disclosure:
- We disclose a great deal in few interactions
- Generally occur b/w 2 people in a relationship (often in the beginning)
- Are reciprocal (back & forth)
- Occurs in context of time (we learn through events)
Kelly Theory: "Strangers on a Train"
Meeting someone and telling them ALOT of self-disclosure. More than would normally be expected. (No repercussion, will never see them again)
Social Penetration Theory
- = The "Onion Theory"
- Breadth of topic: Starts shallow, the weather, how are you, and increases in content
- Depth of topic: Over time gets deeper & more personal.
- "Stock" responses to social interactions.
- ex "Hi, how are you?" They are still important b/c although they're not self-disclosure, they can begin the process.
Want freedom but also want connection. (Pushing & Pulling. Wanting to be dependent & independent at the same time)
3 Types of Dialectical Tension:
- We balance between:
- 1. Connection vs. Autonomy
- 2. Openness vs. Privacy
- 3. Predictability vs. Novelty
Reducing Dialectical Tension (4 Ways):
- 1. Cyclic Alternation: Alternating between 2 different sides. ex. Children are very open & as they age, start limiting info they offer.
- 2. Segmentation: Allows people to isolate separate arenas for using privacy & openness. ex. Dad & son working together.
- 3. Selection: Choose to disclose or not (inaction IS a decision)
- 4. Integration:
- - Neutralizing: Compromise b/w 2 opposites
- - Disqualifying: Allows one to cope w/ tensions by exempting issues from general pattern (may self-disclose about one topic, not talk about another)
Indirect anger. Anger is always the 2nd emotion we feel.
Those who are passive aggressive. Coined by psychologist George Back (1934)
Types of Passive Aggressive Behaviors (12):
- 1. Avoiders. Refuse to fight. Do whatever else to avoid arguments.
- 2. Pseudo-Accomidator: Pretends to give in but continues same behaviors.
- 3. Guilt-Maker: Makes other feel responsible. Indirect dissatisfaction.
- 4. The Mind Reader: Tells others what their problem is. Leaves no room for them to express themselves.
- 5. The Trapper: Setting others into trap. Attacks their self-disclosure.
- 6. The Crisis Tickler: Finds other ways of telling you something's wrong without ever saying it directly. Drops hints.
- 7. Gunnysacker: Don't share complaints as they arise then eventually SNAP (Men likely)
- 8. Trivial Tyrannizer: Do things they know will irritate you instead of honestly sharing resentments.
- 9. Beltliner: Hits below the belt using sensitive information.
- 10. The Joker. Uses humor at inappropriate times. Chronically. Blocks important feelings.
- 11. The With-holder: Take something away like sex or dinner.
- 12. Benedict Arnold: Fail to defend. Get back w/ sabatoge. Encourages ridicule or disregard from outside the relationship.
- 1. (Regular) Excessive or erotic interest in oneself & physical appearance
- 2. (Psych) Extreme selfishness, grandiose view of ones own talents & a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
- 3. (Psychoanalysis) Self-centerdness arising from failure to distinguish self from parents & from external objects, either very young in babies or as feature of mental disorder. (If cannot separate from parents, unable to understand empathy)
- Studies reveal we think we're better than we really are. We rate ourselves as more:
- Dependable, smarter, friendlier, harder-working, less-prejudiced, better in bed, etc.
To be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, must meet ALL 16 criteria, includes:
- Paranoia. Don't want anyone to know their imperfections. Envious. Inadequate.
- Problem sustaining satisfying relationships
- Problem distinguishing self from others (assumes everyone perceives same way)
- Shame rather than guilt
- Brags & exaggerates achievements
We usually self-monitor for a max of 2.5 to 3 minutes. Narcissist don't stop, they continue to look how they want to.
Envy vs Jealousy=
- Jealousy: Potential to obtain something.
- Envy: Over something you can't ever have. Involves the desire of the narcissist.
Masterson's & Other Subtypes
- 1. Exhibitionist
- 2. Closet (possibly more dangerous)
- Acquired situational (celebrities), conversational, sexual, codependent, narcissistic parents (using kids as symbol of their perfections)
How to deal with narcissistic bosses:
- Butter them up. Kiss their ass, "You're so good at this, can you help me?"
- Let them be center of attention
- Keep sense of humor & understand its not you, its THEM.
- Don't ever cross them
One's subjective evaluation of one's value & worth as a person
The set of perceptions a person has about who he or she is; also known as identity.
Ability to understand a given situation in multiple ways
The ongoing process of making meaning from the things we experience in the environment
The tendency to emphasize the first impression over later impressions when forming a perception
The tendency to emphasize the most recent impression over earlier impressions when forming a perception
A predisposition to perceive only what we want or expect to perceive
The tendency to focus heavily on a person's positive attributes when forming a perception
Generalizations about groups of people that are applied to individual members of those groups