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6 active listening skills
- Empathy responses (reflecting feelings)
- Reflecting meaning
**Active listening is not asking questions, but demonstrating that you are listening and you understand**
what is the purpose of counseling?
to faciliatate change
What is focusing?
- A selective attention process on what you percieve as most important at the moment
- helps client to share all facets of their story
- helps develop an awaremess of the many factors related to the issue
- helps bring broader perspective and ways to think about the initial concern
- based on your theoretical perspective
7 places to focus listening
- 2.main theme or problem
- 3. on others (how people impact the client)
- 5.mutual issues or group
- 6. counselor
- 7. cultural/environmental/contextual issues
What is a theory?
- a theory explains to us how people develop and how they sometimes get a mental disorder and strategies that can be used to promote optimum mental health
- all theories are equally effective
- Family Systems
- Your hypothesis about the issue the client is presenting
- sharing with the client an alternative mearning or explanation for events, behaviors, feelings, attitudes, or thoughts
- to help the client draw connections between...
- past and current events
- patterns of behavior and reoccuring themes
- their feelings and behaviors and their impact on others
- to promote client self-awareness and understanding of their behaviors, attitudes, thoughts, and feelings
- *****you want client to have "ah ha" moment because then they can change behavior
Steps to formulating interpretations
- make sure relationship is well established, make sure they feel safe
- listen to the story using your focused, active listening and third ear (minimal questions) and all 7 categories
- determine what could be causing or contributing to the client's difficulties using your observations, theoretical perspective, and common sense
- assess for the appropriate time
- offer client a new, alternative way to think about the situation in a tentative rather than absolute manner.
Sentence Stems for Intrepretations
- I have a hunch/idea that...
- I have an idea about...
- I was thinking that...
- It seems that...
- Then facilitate discussion...
- How does that seem?
- What are your thoughts about that?
- How does that idea come across to you?
Then observe client reaction- was your timing right? did you have meaningful discussion? Interpretation accurate?
Possible reactions to Interpretations
- Range of emotions
Reflect back what they gave you...feeling, meaning...sometimes clients aren't ready, and often interpretations need to be repeated many times in different ways.
Why do we challenge clients?
- unaware of mixed messages and discrepancies, thier behavior, thoughts, feelings, and values are inconsistant and they
- are operating on misinformation about self
- are operating with mistaken ideas and irrational beliefs
- misinterpret the actions of others
- are blaming others rather than examine themselves
- not operating according to thier own values
- not working on thier goals
What is Feedback?
supplying information that confirms, changes, or widens a helpee's perspective
What is the purpose of feedback?
- to indicate how the helpee's behavior is affecting you.to evaluate helpee's progress toward goals
- to supply information based on your observations
- used in group counseling
- people need to know how they are impacting other poeple
How do you give feedback?
- Use "I" statements "I am uncomfortable when you talk that way about women"
- Do not give people feedback on their personality traits
- Phrase it in a way that the client can accept it
- Be specific, concrete, and nonjudgemental
- Ask permission before giving feedback
- Offer tentatively, especially when about touchy subjects, find an acceptable route to get the client to think about what is being reported
- Give only one or two pieces of feedback at a time
- Do not forget to give feedback that emphasizes the client's strengths
- include a check out to determine whether feedback was recieved and how it was accepted.
What is confrontation?
- I care enough to point out discrepancies
- Interventions that point out discrepancies(inconsistancies, mixed messages, or conflicts among thoughts, feelings, or behaviors) in client beliefs, behaviors, words, or nonverbal messages
- Gentle, tentative, nonjudgmental invitation to look at, discuss, clarify, re-examine, or reconsider some discrepancy to facilitate the helpee's own self-exploration
- Leads to clearer understanding of the problem
Confrontation is not....
- Telling what to do
- Acting as authority figure
Steps to formulate a confrontation
- Make sure relationship is well established
- Listen to the story using your focused, active, listening and third ear (minimal questions)
- Identify an inconsistency, mixed message, or a conflict among the helpee's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in the story that you would like to examine
Sentence Stems for Confrontation
- Identify both sides of the discrepancy
- On the one hand, ____________, on the other hand________________.You-But statements
- You say_______________, but__________Gently asking the client to justify the discrepancy
- Help me understand how, on the one hand...Higher level of Empathy
- Reflect back underlying, out-of-awareness feelings and conflicts; exposing the deeper parts
- Then invite discussion and resolution
- What are your thoughts about that? How does that sound to you? What are you hearing me say?
3 possible reactions to the confrontation
- Client may deny that a discrepancy may exist
- Client may accept one part as true while rejecting the other
- Client may fully accept the confrontation and agree to try to change his/her behavior or resolve the inconsistency
Caution for Confrontation
- Powerful, may lead to feeling hurt, attacked, angry, ashamed, confused, scared, insulted or defensive
- May damage self-esteem, rather than increase awareness and motivate action
- Use occansionally
- Timing is very important
- Not for the counselor to unload thier frustrations
What is the overall purpose of Confrontation?
- To promote dialogue and exploration, not to prove them wrong
- Be cautious, gentle, tentative, and nonjudgmental
- Include a reflection of client feelings concerning the difficulty the client is facing
- Take into account the cultural background of client- Confrontations may be hurtful and offensive from some backgrounds like, Native American, Asian
- Do not include accusations, evaluations, or solutions to problems
- Watch voice tone
How is counseling a experiential learning experience?
- Client will start to interact w/ you the same ways they do in the world, all of thier relationship skills and difficulties become apparent
- Your client can learn how they impact others by how you expreience their behavior, the issue can be made more relevant by virtue of direct experience of what it means
- In group counseling it is called a "process commentary"
2 ways we use the counseling relationship to facilitate change?
- **self-awareness is the key****
- values/beliefs, feelings/emotions, thoughts/ideas
What is self-disclosure?
- Anytime you talk about yourself
- ****Only disclose when it will help the client
- Use only after relationship is strong enough for client's to share their deepest concerns and feelings
- Experience must be parallel, must relate to what client is talking about, focus on the theme, not the topic "loss," "fear of failure"
- To illustrate an example from your life of how you have successfully overcame a similar problem
- Should be very short and quick, then put the "light" back on the client
How can self-disclosure beneift counseling relationship?
- Promote openness and trust in relationship
- Can promote immediacy
- Can help client focus clearly and accurately on problems and possible resources
When is self-disclosure not effective?
Age differences and cultural differences
Steps to formulating Self-disclosure
- Make sure relationship is well established
- Listen to the story with focused, active listening and 3rd ear
- Assess the appropriateness of your experience and timing and share it briefly
- Use "I" statements and DO NOT SAY: I KNOW YOU FEEL...demonstrate it by reflecting feeling and meaning
- Sharing needs to be relevant to client's worldview
- Responses should be brief, genuine, and authenic
- Return to focus to the client with a check out- how does that seem? what are you thoughts about that? Does that sound close to what you were sharing?
- What does that mean to you?
Pros for Self-disclosure
- Want client to know you experienced life
- Suggests counselor really understands
- Builds trust and rapport
Cons for Self-disclosure
- False assumptions that experiences are universal
- False assumptions that client felt heard
- Takes focus away from client
- Client may use it against you