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7 Factors that affect our choice of relational partners.
Why are similarities a strong foundation for relationships?
- Similarities can be Validating
- Allow you to make accurate predictions
- Allows us to assume those similar to us like us
When each partners characteristics satisfy the other's needs.
Social exchange formula that explains why we form and maintain relationships.
Rewards - Costs = Outcome
Minimum standard of what behavior is acceptable.
Comparison Level (CL)
Refers to a comparison between the rewards received in a present situation and those expected to receive in others.
Comparison Level Alternatives (CLalt)
Getting back an amount and kind of information equivalent to what you reveal.
Three keys to satisfying self disclosure
three components of Relationship development as described by Mark Knapp.
- Coming together
- Relational maintenance
- Coming Apart
Communication aimed at keeping relationships operating smoothly and satisfactorily.
The goal in this stage is to show interest in making contact and to demonstrate you are a person worth talking to.
Happens after initiating and begins the search for common ground.
A time of relational excitement and euphoria. When qualitative interpersonal relationships begin to develop.
The stage in which individuals begin to take on an identity as a social unit, become more intimate, become clearer about relationship norms/appropriate behaviors, and our ability to influence each other's daily routine increases.
The stage described as the culmination of a developed relationship. A relationship that involves a significant measure of public commitment. Making it official.
In this stage, change plays an important role. A time of reestablishment of identities.
Communication between partners decreases in quantity and quality.
The stage in which members behave toward each other in old familiar ways without feeling. No growth occurs.
When stagnation becomes too unpleasant and individuals begin to create distance between each other.
Research by Jon Hess reveals the following as ways to gain distance in avoiding:
- Expressing detachment
- Avoiding involvement
- Showing antagonism
- Mentally dissociate
Conflicts that arise when two opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously.
The conflicting desires for connection and independence. A set of contradictory needs which creates communication challenges.
Internal struggle. We want to be close to others but at the same time seek independence.
ex.Porcupines in winter
External struggle to meet competing needs. The struggle to reconcile a desire for involvement in the "outside world" with the desire to live their own lives free of interference from others.
ex. Party vs. Quality time
Operates both between partners and when they face others outside the relationship.
When partners may know each other too well, boredom can surface.
Surfaces when the challenges that people in a relationship face when trying to meet others expectations as well as their own.
ex. happy family/perfect couple role during conflict
Important need to maintain some space between ourselves and others.
Your commitment to the relationship may compel you toward honesty, but your concern for the other persons feelingsand a desire for privacy may lead you to be less than honest.
ex. Do you think i'm attractive? Change the subject
Tensions develop realted to concealing versus revealing information.
ex. Closet lesbian couple, Financial troubles in the family and friend wants to borrow money.
8 Stategies for managing dialectical tensions
Messages that refer to other messages.
ex. "I wish we'd stop arguing so much"
When one partner violates the explicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some way.
4 Types of relational transgressions.
- Minor vs. Significant
- Social vs. Relational
- Deliberate vs. Unintentional
- One-time vs. Incremental