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First - my future wife must understand football
difference between tight end and quarterback
bouncy and agreeable
argue Super Bowl
First of all, my future wife must understand football. It would drive me nuts to live with someone who didn't know the difference between a tight end and a quarterback. You can keep your bouncy cheerleader types who jump and yell and agree with whatever you say. Give me a girl who will argue with me when I pick the Rams to win the Super Bowl
Second - she has to love dogs
fun to be with
shed on furniture
on her lap
Second, she has to love dogs. Not tolerate, love. Some of my best friends are dogs. They're loyal, fun to be with, and they can keep a secret. If they also shed on the furniture, well, that's a small price to pay for their company. A girl who isn't willing to hold a golden retriever on her lap isn't the right girl for me.
Third - adore Twinkies
hot fudge sundae middle of night
M&M ride along
Third, she should adore Twinkies. And chocolate. Ideally, she'll get occasional cravings for something like a hot fudge sundae, cravings so strong that she'll get dressed in the middle of the night and drive through a snow storm until she finds a Baskin-Robbins that's open. I figure if she likes junk food and goes to extreme lengths sometimes to get it, she'll never nag me to improve my eating habits, and if I decide to leave our cozy hearth in the middle of a TV movie to go after a bag of M & Ms, she'll even ride along.
Four - must not mind unmade beds
bubble over in clean ovens
Number four - but it's so important I'm thinking of changing it to number one - my future wife must not mind unmade beds, unwashed dishes and undusted furniture. She will believe me when I tell her it's a verifiable statistic that more apple pies bubble over in clean ovens than in dirty ones because she wants to believe it.
That's her, the girl of my dreams:
That's her the girl of my dreams: someone who can't be bothered with housework because she and her dog are busy watching a football game and eating a bag of Hershey's kisses.
I don't know where or when I'll meet this perfect creature, but I'm not getting married until I do.
I don't plan to get married for a long, long time.
I don't plan to get married for a long, long time. But when I do, I'm not jumping into it blindly, just because I happen to fall in love. No sir. I've seen too many divorces and I'm not about to make a mistake. But when I do, I'm not jumping into it blindly, just because I happen to fall in love. No sir. I've seen too many divorces and I'm not about to make a mistake
I've decided that the secret to a happy marriage is planning.
I've decided that the secret to a happy marriage is planning. You need t plan well in advance what kind of person you want to marry and then seek her out. If you know what you're looking for and don't date anybody who doesn't qualify, you can't go wrong.
I've started a list of criteria for the person I eventually marry. So far, there are four items on my list.