Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence abilities: motivate oneself, persist with frustration, control impulse, delay gratification, regulate moods, keep distress from swamping thinking, empathize, and hope.

IQ undoubtedly matters, but childhood abilities like handling frustrations, controlling emotions, and getting on with others makes greater difference. 

Studies show...

We evaluate everyone according to whether they meet a standard of success, and not enough time helping them identify their natural competencies and gifts and to cultivate those

Knowing one’s emotions, managing emotions, motivating oneself, recognizing emotions in others, handling relationships

when a person experiences psychological distress in the form of physical pain

Feeling matters in navigating personal decisions. Such decisions need feeling, not only formal logic, in terms of what job to have, where to live, and on and on. They need emotional wisdom from past experiences.

Volunteer insulted by someone and then given a chance to retaliate by giving a bad job evaluation. Everyone does, except if before the evaluation, another person enters, and the they get insulted, but then after the insulter leaves, the 2nd person explains that he’s going through a hard time.

But, caveat, is that it alleviates moderate levels of anger. High levels this has little impact.

Distraction is a powerful mood-altering device - simply because its hard to stay angry if you’re having a good time. But its hard also to cool down to the point where you can be distracted in the first place.

Catharsis - often one of the worst ways to calm. Often this does direct harm to another person who made you angry, and gives a person a sense of control. But, it also heightens a persons emotions and makes them angrier. More effective is to cool down.

Sometimes being alone works, but it also seems to make people even lonelier. For others, going out with friends works, but not if they just use the occasion to mull over whatever put them in a funk.

Ruminating is key: How much people worry about what’s worrying.

Two key strategies: challenging the thoughts at the center of the rumination, and purposely scheduling pleasant, distracting events.