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Attraction factors - Initial
Attraction factors - Long term
- Ethos - personality, good qualities
- Similarity - same interests
- Complementary - opposites attract
Violations of understandings between people in relationships
Failure Event Cycle
- Assessment/Continuum - is it extreme or minor
- Reproach - message that a failure event occurred
- Accounts - excuse, apology, justify, denial, absence of an account/ silence
- Response - Forgiveness or Retaliation
Deception by omission (concealment)
Holding back some of the information another person has requested or that you are expected to share (not telling the whole truth).
Ex. I was at the library studying (but I was really playing computer games).
Deception by commission
Deliberate presentation of false information.
White lies - slight degree of falsification that has minimal consequence.
Ex. You have nice shoes.
Exaggeration - "stretching the truth" or embellishing the facts
Ex. I tried searching for the research and I found absolutely nothing on the topic.
Baldfaced lie - outright falsification of information intended to deceive the listener.
Ex. From survivor, the character told a made up story to get into people's emotions.
Disconfirmations (disconfirming responses)
Hurting someone's self esteem; unintentional. The use of paralanguage.
Crying, conceding, or apologizing in response to a hurtful message.
Ignoring, laughing, or being silent in response to a hurtful message.
Fear of losing something that you have.
Thoughts about the loss of a partner, reflections on decreases in the partner's time for the other, and analyses of behaviors or occurrences deemed suspicious.
Emotional or affective jealousy
Feelings of anger, hurt, distrust, worry, or concern aroused by the threat of losing a relationship.
Want what someone else has.
Verbal and nonverbal signs of relationship de-escalation
Verbal - Criticisms (attack partner's personality), Contempt (insult abuse), Defensive behaviors (deny responsibility by making excuses, whining, countercomplaining, and stonewalling (not responding to each other).
Nonverbal - less touching, less eye contact, increased physical distance, decrease in time together, less self-disclosure, more conflict.
Indirect termination strategy
Attempts to break up a relationship without explicitly stating the desire to do so.
- Withdrawal - reduce contact and interaction without any explanation.
- Pseudo-de-escalation (one partner claims that he or she wants to redefine the relationship at the lower level of intimacy, but really wants the end relationship)
- Cost escalation - increase the costs associated with the relationship in order to encourage the other person to terminate it.
Direct Termination Strategies
Explicit statements of a desire to break up a relationship.
- Negative identity management - direct statement of the desire to terminate the relationship.
- Justification - clear statement of the desire to end the relationship, accompanied by an honest explanation of the reasons.
- De-escalation - honest statement of a desire to redefine the relationship at the lower level of intimacy or to move toward ending the relationship.
- Positive tone - direct strategy that is most sensitive to the other person's sense of self (ex. I love you; I just can't live with you)
One partner is dominate or makes most of the decisions.
Both partners behave toward power in the same way, either both wanting power or both avoiding it.
Competitive - where partner's fight for the power.
Submission - both don't want the power
Depending on the situation, the power shifts back and forth between the partners.
Various Influences on Attraction
2 types of Turning Points
Causal - event that brings about a change in a relationship (either to advance or decrease relationship)
Reflective - event that signals a change in the way a relationship is defined (represents that relationship de-escalate or increase ex. meeting family or saying "I love you" for the first time
Social exchange theory and its components
Theory that claims people make relationship decisions by assessing and comparing the costs and rewards (economics in humans).
- immediate costs - present moment
- forecasted costs - projection or prediction
- cumulative - total rewards and costs accrued during a relationship.
Social penetration theory and its components
Theory of relational development that posits that increases in intimacy are connected to increases in self-disclosure.
- Self Disclosure - intimacy
- Dyadic effect (quid pro quo) - reciprocal nature of self-disclosure "you tell me something, I tell you something"
- Timing - TMI
6 Types of Love
Eros - sexual, erotic love based on the pursuit of physical beauty and pleasure
Ludis - Game-playing love based on the enjoyment of another
Storge - Solid love found in friendships and family, based on trust and caring
Mania - Obsessive love driven by mutual needs
Pragma - practical love based on mutual benefits
Agape - selfless love based on giving of yourself for others
Unrequited Romantic Interests
Feelings created when one partner desires a more intimate, romantic relationship than the other partner
Behavior designed to indirectly determine a partner's feelings
Taking into account another person's thoughts, values, background, and perspective as you interact with the person
Talk about the nature, quality, direction, or definition of a relationship.
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