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2014-11-11 03:19:44
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  1. I don't care where you were tonight.
    I sat by the park for a while. And this is what I thought. I don't sleep with other women, but I think I behave as though I do. Maybe I invite your suspicion in order to--to come down off some bench, to stop judging others so perfectly. Because I do judge, and harshly, too, when the fact is I'm bewildered. I wonder if I left that letter for you to read about that girl--in order somehow to start being real. I met a girl tonight. Just happened to come by, one of the phone operators in the office. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I will. Quite stupid, silly kid. Sleeps in the park, her dress ripped. She said some ridiculous things. But one thing struck me: she wasn't defending anything, upholding anything, or accusing--she was just there, like a tree or a cat. And I felt strangely abstract beside her. And I saw that we are killing one another with abstractions. I'm defending Lou because I love him, yet the society transforms that love into a kind of treason, what they call an issue, and I end up suspect and hated. Why can't we speak with the voice that speaks below the "issues"--with our real uncertainty? I came home just now--and I had a tremendous wish to come out--to you. And you to me. It sounds absurd, but this city is full of people rushing to meet one another. This city is full of lovers.
  2. And what did she say?
    I guess I shouldn't have told you about it.
  3. Why not?
    Louise, I don't know what's permissible to say any more.
  4. You don't know how much to hide.
    All right, let's not hide anything: it would have been very easy to make love to her. And I didn't because I thought of you, and in a new way--like a stranger I had never gotten to know. And by some miracle you were waiting for me, in my own home.
  5. Especially a slut, which she obviously is?
    How do you know she's a --?
  6. Because he made the city seem full of lovers.
    I understand. I'm sorry. I would get angry, too, but I would see that you were struggling. And I would ask myself--maybe I'd even be brave enough to ask you--how I had failed.
  7. Well, you've given me notice: I get the message.
    Louise, don't you ever doubt yourself? Is it enough to prove a case, to even win it--when we are dying?
  8. You don't want me.
    God! Can that be true?
  9. --Don't ever be guilty.
    Yes! Yes! But if you had felt more guilt, maybe you wouldn't have...
  10. He's a moral idiot!
    Yes! That is right. And yet... what the hell is moral? And what am I, to even ask that question? A man ought to know--a decent man knows that like he knows his own face!
  11. I don't want to sleep with you.
    Louise, for God's sake!
  12. You are disgusting!
    But in the morning, Betty will see...
  13. Hello! Oh, yes. He's here.
    I can't sleep out here: I don't want her to see it.
  14. It's Max.
    Max? I'm sorry, the whole thing just slipped my mind. I don't know how to explain it, I just went blank I guess. The radio? No, why? ... What? When? ... Thanks... for letting me know. Yes, he was. Good night... yeah, see you in the morning.
  15. What is it?
    Lou. Was killed by a subway train tonight.
  16. How?
    They don't know. They say "fell or jumped."