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- Apply to everyone in that culture
- Society beliefs, values, language
Interpersonal vs Impersonal
Inter - between two persons, usually face-to-face. Or within a group who do not have to be in the same space. (phone conference)
Exchanged information is superficial, lacks depth, and does not provide us or the other person with any authentic information.
Rules tell us how to communicate
- Culture - rules includes everyone
- Sociological - rules that pertain to subgroups (groups)
- Psychological - rules that two individuals create between themselves
- Ex. Talk to professors more politely than your friends
- Wear a suit and tie to work meetings
- Between two people
- Created through disclosure
- Ex. I think he is cute
- One of the factors that motivates individuals toward intimacy in an interpersonal relationship
- We are attracted to those who shar4 our values, hobbies, or personality characteristics ---
- 1. When we have something in common
- 2. Those who help us achieve goals (toastmasters)
Intimacy - Verbal and nonverbal
- Process of knowing another and yourself as a relationship develops.
- verbal - personalized & tell others
- non-verbal - "tie signs" (hold hands, exaggerate virtues, minimize faults, act polite)
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
p. 105-107, figure 6.3
- A hierarchy that classifies our needs into seven categories:
- 1. physiological-biological needs to sustain life
- 2. security & safety- feeling free from violance & having a sense of stability
- 3. love & belonging- family, affection, relationships, work groups
- 4. self-esteem- achievement, status, responsibility, reputation
- 5. knowing & understanding- knowledge, meaning, self-awarness
- 6. aesthetics - beauty, balance, form
- 7. self-actualization - personal growth
We must be at least partially fulfilled at each level in order to move toward a higher level. In other words, we must fulfill our physiological needs before we are motivated to fulfill our safety needs. - biologicl needs necessary to sustain life, including air, water, food, sleep, and sex.
Sharing personal information that others don't know about me
The Johari Window
- 1. Known to Others & Self - Open
- 2. Known to Others but not known to self - Blind
- 3. Not known to Others - Hidden/undisclosed
- 4. Not known to Others/Not known to self - unknown, nobody knows (self discovery as life unfolds)
- The verbal and non verbal strategies, both positive and negative, to influence how others view you.
- Putting you best foot forward.
- Honest attempt to make a positive impact on others (interviewing for a job)
Social Penetration Model (Peeling the onion)
p. 109, figure 6.5
- A model depicting self-disclosure as a process that gradually reveals both breadth and depth of information.
- Like onions we have layers we reveal as we get to know one another. Superficial, intimate, personal, core
Relationship Development and Dissolution Model
p. 110-113, figure 6.6
- 10-step model to describe the stages of relationship development and dissolution.
- Assist in seeing how increasing and decreasing levels of intimacy impact the way relationships succeed or fail:
- Initiating (Coming together) - relationship development, create an impression, pick up on cues, most difficult stage
- Experimenting - critical stage in relationship development because our "first impressions" often determine very quickly whether or not there is reason to develop the relationship.
- Intensifying - More relaxed; "we" instead of "I"; most exciting and satisfying period because both parties are having fun investing time and energy in the relationship.
- Integrating - two individuals become a "couple"; they begin to speak their own language.
- Bonding - Lovers unite through a marriage ceremony. Friends formalize a bonded relationship. Bonding stage signifies to the outside world a commitment to maintaining intimacy.
- Differentiating (Coming apart) - Partner's behavioral traits go from tolerable to annoying; "we" or "us" turn into "you" or "I"; lack negotiation.
- Circumscribing - communication with each other is significantly lessened; lack of communication means significantly fewer expressions of commitment between the parties.
- Stagnating - Communication disappears or becomes awkward or overly formal; individuals will engage in virtually no activities together; each act as if communication with the other is a waste of time.
- Avoiding - each individual goes his/her own way or makes independent decisions without consulting or communicating with the other.
- Terminating - sometimes the termination is a relief; sometimes it is the most painful experience imaginable.
- Can go back or forward in stages
- Can skip stages
- Has the opportunity to change the course of the relationship if he or she chooses
Gender and Language
in general, men...
- compare/compete with others
- use "report" talk
- want to fix problems
- build closeness through "doing"
- use fewer descriptors for colors
- use less enhanced language - What a cute baby! Those jeans are so nice!
Gender and Language
- in general, women...
- use more tag questions (isn't it)
- add hedgers (I'm not sure, but...)
- use intensifiers (super fun)
Gender and Titles
- Mr. Sir
- Mrs. Ms. Miss. Ma'am
- change maiden name to married name?
- combine last names with husband and wife?
- firefighter instead of fireman
- police officer
- mail carrier
- flight attendant
- wait staff
- It involves a willingness to become fully involved with the other, a belief in the equality of each participant, and a climate of supportive communication.
- Adds a level of intimacy that helps develop our relationships in mutually satisfying ways
- Tolerates difference and disagreement as a part of the process of expanding knowledge of self and others
- Ethical and competent communicators balance their own motives with others' motives.
Three most important skills in life
- 1. Coping skills
- 2. Forgive others
- 3. Say "I'm sorry"
Duck's Relational Dissolution Model - four types of behavior when a relationship is ending.
Provides another perspective with which to view the stages of relationship dissolution.
- Intrapsychic phase - The stage in which an individual explores the costs and benefits of leaving a relationship.
- Dydic Phase - The stage in which partners confront one another, talk about the relationship's strengths and problems, and try to identify solutions to the problems.
- Social Phase in which partners discuss the possibility relationship with friends and family.
- Grave-dressing phase - The stage in which each partner must come to terms with his or her perceptions of the relationship, its problems, and how to remember the relatonship.
Dealing with Violence
- If partner is violent, realize you:
- aren't alone
- aren't at fault
- need a safety plan
- If you'r violent, realize you:
- aren't alone
- must "own" your behavior
- can find tools to act differently