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  1. The five reasons we are romantically attracted to others:
    • Proximity
    • Physical attractiveness
    • similarity
    • reciprocal liking
    • resourses
  2. the balance between costs and benefits for both partners is needed for
    attraction to deepen
  3. Inequity
    • one
    • person benefits disproportionally from the other: 
    • Over benefit
    • Under benefit
  4. Mere exposure effect: the idea that you become
    more attracted to those you have frequent contact with
  5. Physical attractiveness
    • a.      
    • Beautiful is good effect(halo effect): we
    • believe attractive people also have other positive qualities

    • b.     
    • Matching: we tend to hold long term relationship
    • with people who have the same level of attractiveness - research documents that
    • people don’t want to be paired with those they think are substantially “below”
    • or “above” themselves in look.
  6. Reciprocal liking
    • 1.      
    • we often are attracted to those who are
    • attracted to us
  7. a.      
    Social exchange theory: we are drawn to people
    who offer us benefits with few costs

    Two other factors drive whether you find someone
    initially attractive: first is whether you perceive them as the people that
    offer the kind of rewards you think you deserve in a romantic relationship
    (affection, emotional support, money, sex). The second factor is whether you
    think that the reward they can offer are superior to those you can get
  8. 1.      
    Openness (telling
    partner everything) vs protection(
    wanting to keep something private)

    Autonomy (
    separation, wanting to be alone) vs
    connection (also wanting to be together)

    ( uncertainty, spontaneous things, don’t know what to do this weekend) vs predictability (certainty,
    comfortable, know what to do in the weekend)
  9. Knapp’s
    stages of coming together
    • Initiating
    • Experimenting
    • Intensifying
    • integrating
    • Bonding
  10. Sizing up somebody we first met – assessing similarity – draw on all available
    visual info( physical attractiveness, body type, age, ethnicity, gender,
    clothing, posture)
  11. Experimenting:
    When we start to interact – small talk – disclosing facts you and the otherperson consider relative unimportant but that enable you to introduce yourselfin a safe controlled fashion.
  12. Start dating  - reveal previously
    withheld info such as secrets about your past or important life, dreams and
  13. Start to become one – this integration is reinforced through sexual activity
    and the exchange of belongings.
  14. Marriage – Announce to the world that you and your partner have made a
    commitment to one another
  15. Knapp’s stages of coming apart
    • Differentiating
    • Circumscribing
    • Stagnating
    • Avoiding
    • Termination
  16. Liking:
    • 1.      
    • affection and respect we usually have for
    • friends
  17. deeper commitment with intimacy, caring and attachment
  18. Passionate love:
    intense emotional and physical longing
  19. Passionate love involves
    • i.     
    • Idealization of partners

    • ii.     
    • All cultures

    • iii.     
    • Gender and age are irrelevant

    • iv.     
    • Negatively related to relationship
    • duration(fades over time )– if someone you like is taken, you might still have
    • a chance if you wait long enough!)
  20. Passionate love may fade into a more
    comfortable, reliable______  love: Intense liking with
    emotional investment and intertwined lives
  21. companionate love
    intense liking with emotional and intertwined lives
  22. there are ___ additional types of love that fall between passionate and companionate love
  23. Storge(Friendly love):
    • A deep feeling of friendship, emphasizes
    • companionship, trust, and similarity in values
  24. Agape (Forgiving love
    selflessness,,forgiveness, and giving high regard for partner’s happiness

    like Mother Theresa-The rarest kind of recorded love
  25. Intense, extreme, consuming -  Violent changes in emotion and intense
    dependency – rapid and dramatic mood shift and jealousy(dramatic changes with crazy breakups and stuff)
    Mania(obsessive love):
  26. Pragma(Practical love)
    Logical, rational, and founded in common sense –Focused on the partner’s assets with lack of sentimental feeling – (women feel it more than men)
  27. Ludus(game-playing love):
    Uncommitted, fun and played like a game, desire to avoid commitment of any kind.
  28. Eros(Romantic love):
    Sentimental, idealistic, and committed – Intense emotion and idealization of the partner (romantic love)
  29. Current divorce rate
  30. Gottman's ratio
Card Set:
2015-04-29 23:13:26
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