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Two Men entre as music fades out.
Fred: Who are you? What are you doing backstage
Fine looking fella.
2nd Clean cut
What a figger.
2nd What a profile.
Fred: Gentlemen, I'm very touched by your admiration and devotion but I see my fans after the-
2nd; Very elocutionary.
And note he does not spit when he talks.
2nd. High type fella.
Fred: As I was saying, this is all very flattering but I receive my public after the performance, not before.
1 Oh, what grace!
2nd If I hadda do something to him, I would cry like a baby.
- Remember that professor who played the ponies?
- You weren't yourself for a week
- after you dumped him in the Potomac.
Fred: Gentlemen, come back after the show. I'll be very happy to present you with my autograph.
- 1 No, we got your autograph.
- That's why we're here.
- A little matter of a I.O.U,
- oh, here it is. Ten G's.
- Mr Hogan, that's our employer.
- Regards this as a debt of honour.
Fred: Mr Hogan?
How about it Mr Graham.
Fred: You're mad, Paul, Paul! Alright, let me see that. This is not even my signature!
- They all say that.
- I'm surprised at you Mr Graham.
- You signed it only this afternoon after quite a little game down to the hotel.
- We wasn't there of course.
- Mr Hogan says he plied you plenty with good liquor, too.
Fred: You're really mad. I've been in this theatre since eight this morning.
2nd That's human nature for you.
The minute a man signs a I.O.U everything goes dark.
2nd The doctors call it magnesia.
We cure it!
2nd You know, I would cry like a baby if I hadda do something to such a high type of fella, Last week remember that high type fella, I used up three handkerchiefs.
- I don't like my face. Do you? (Looking in the mirror)
Fred: Gentleman, would you mind leaving?
- 1 Oh! Ain't he virile?
- We now wish to express all the best wishes for a magnificent opening and the success your brilliant talent deserver!
- I copied that out of Western Union.
2nd; Heartiest felicitations. I made that up myself.
- Mr Graham, during the performance tonight
- remember we'll be watching from the front box.
- Try and jostle your memory.
2nd; We'll be back.
Lois: Freddie! Oh Mr Graham.
(1 and 2nd man reacts)
Break a leg!
Or we'll do it for you.