Card Set Information
Like a cup of?
Like the letter
Does it stand for anything?
No. What do you stand for...?
Right, John. Can't beat a classic
How do you mean?
You're a John...
You look just like your picture in the
Money before funny
Aren't you afraid I might be a cop?
Are you a cop, John?
Didn't think so.
It's four hundred if I touch you.
You have beautiful hair.
It's fake. Five hundred if I perform on you
You have sort of, uh, a bedside manner/issue, or...
an even thousand for anything involving bodily fluids
I don't ussually...
Do this. In fact...
It's your first time?
You don't believe me?
I'll believe anything you want for the next hour.
is that really an option? You screwing me?
It's a surprisingly popular choice.
What if I just want to talk?
No, I'm not actually...
No, just... regular
I don't get it... are you gonna whack off while we talk? or...
no, there's nothing, um... I just want to talk
Is this some Julia Roberts "Pretty Woman" fetish?
So, you're not going to buy me things, sweep me off my feet?
Oh, then I guess... three hundred. Don't try anything
I'm serious... I can kill you in seven ways
No one's going to die. How do you know seven ways... what's one of them?
(T pulls out a knife)
I was in the Army. is this what you wanted to talk about?
Yes, no. So... I appreciate you coming... Christmas Eve... in the storm and all
It's my job
Did you take the train or... you were in the Army? I guess not many people ask you to...
Often. Want an apple?
No thank you
It'll make you smart
Said the serpent
Apple a day, keeps the doctor away
I'm not worried about the doctor
Oh just take the goddamn apple
I, uh, thank you. Why don't you like Christmas?
I'm allergic to tinsel
That's a joke, right?
Well, I thought so, but.... No I don't like Christmas
But it's a time of hope and forgiveness, isn't it?
it's all about money. did you know you can hire someone over the internet to pray for you?
I didn't know that
With the snow you can start over, be someone new.
I wish that were true
It is true. I mean, you believe in the Virgin
There are things I tried very hard to believe didn't happen, but they did
You're not trying hard enough
What do you believe?
I believe children are our future, and will lead the way
No, man, it's a song. where have you been for the last century?
Funny you should ask.
Don't you have a sense of humor?
It's hard to find things to laugh about
You need to ask Santa for some jokes
You still didn't say why you hate Christmas
I'm actually glad you called
Don't you have family to spend the holidays with?
No, I don't. Well, not really
why are you asking so many questions?
I think I should get to know you before I spill my guts
like mama said... but I make up memories all the time
And what does your mother think of your career?
She abandoned me at a veterinary clinic. that's why I'm such an animal
My God, is that true?
Do you want it to be true?
No, i lie a lot. How old are you?
Than you would think
I don't know. I think alot
You, now, you're smarter than...
You would think?
I'm a hooker, not an idiot
So, how old are you
You don't want to know
Would I go to jail?
You're hiring a prostitute. Either way
I see your point
Why are you hiring a prostitute to talk to?
Why am I hiring a prostitute to talk to?
You have an embarrassingly small penis?
I do have an embarrassingly small penis
I was kidding
No, it's OK, I do. But that's not why
That's not why?
I believe my immortal soul is in peril
and you don't want a blow job?
and I think you were there
I was where?
So, really... how old?
I'm kidding. 22
It's just that the truth is important to me
Well, how old are you?
I don't want to lie
I told you i'd believe anything you wanted
but you won't tell me anything I can believe?
I'm 26... clothes and hair makes me look younger
People will believe pretty much anything you tell them
And I can charge more if they think I'm younger
Does that mean I get a rebate?