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What is Interpersonal Conflict
Interpersonal Conflict: exists when people who depend on each other express different views, interests, or goals and perceive their views as incompatible or oppositional
Know the parts of the def. of interpersonal conflict: expressed disagreement--overt vs. covert conflict (passive aggression);
- Looking at each part of the def.
- “Expressed Disagreement” – conflict involves some means of expressing a disagreement.
- Its not technically a conflict if you don’t verbalize it. The other person has to know something is bothering you in order for it to be a conflict. If we don’t recognize a disagreement, then it is not a conflict.
Verbal / Nonverbal Communication: we express conflict through verbal or nonverbal communication (how we act towards the other party)
- Overt C. vs. Covert C.; “passive aggression”
- overt: direct; out in the open; both parties know about it
- covert: hidden/sneaky ex. don’t answer phone b/c you don’t want to talk to someone to act in a certain way that has a high degree of deniability
- Passion that is denied or disguised; under cuts honest, open relationships
interdependence—Why is this important?; opposition—What does this have to do with perception and goals?
Interdependence: interpersonal conflict occurs between people who depend on each other. Reveals how you will treat them with the conflict. You will handle conflict different with your boss than with your good friend. What strategies do you use with specific people? Differences don’t have to be resolved if they don’t effect each other.
Opposition: a tension between goals, preferences, decisions that are perceived incompatible. Conflict that involves two perceptions that are in conflict with the other
How can conflict be good?
- conflict may propel personal growth
- conflict may propel relational growth
- we know ourselves better
- we learn something about the other person and the type of relationship
- we develop with each other
Model of 5 conflict strategies: What are the 2 major concerns? What are the 5 strategies? Is there a best strategy?
- 2 Major Concerns in Conflict
- Achieving your goals: goals you want to achieve for
- Is getting my way important. to me?
- Maintaining a good relationship: maintaining good relationship even with people you don’t like. Good is found in knowing how to manage that
- Low or hight impt. in achieving the goal, low or high importance. in building the relationship
The 2 Concerns determine a response: you can respond in one way more than the other four
Model of 5 conflict strategies: What are the 5 strategies? Is there a best strategy?
A Model with Five Strategies:
- withdrawing (the turtle) low interest in maintaining the
- goal, low interest in maintaining relational goals
- you may wish to withdraw until you and the other calm down a little bit
- withdraw for neg. and pos. reasons
- forcing (the shark): trying to achieve your goals at all
- costs, but relational goals are low
- buying used cars; sales people expect people to be sharks when they come onto the parking lot. these people have low relationship goals sales people can counteract by trying to build the relationship and create relationships goals to help the sale win = lose situation and the shark wins
(the teddy bear) give up your goals to maintain the highest relationship status personal goals no importance. , and relationship goals; high importance
n (the owl): high personal goals, high relationship goals opposite the turtle win = win situation an agreement that satisfies you and the other person; give both of you what you want and keep the relationship positive
(the fox): moderate personal goal investment, moderate relationship goals investment neither side gets 100%, but they each get something that they want
Owl is high in both
Familiarize yourself with another model in Wood: “Conflict Responses,” having 4 parts
- 1-Clarify the problem: here is a goal in mind, and it didn’t get there because of1,
- 2, and 3 reasons2- establish criteria: #1 (clarification) starts to suggest some criteria. any kind of solution I put into place has to solve the problem.
- 3-brainstorm for solutions : a specific procedure that will be used. for a minute or two anything that comes to your mind you right it down.
- 4-choose best solution based on criteria: use brainstorming ideas
- 5-implement best solution: procedure in itself, enact as best we can our solution
3 levels of Confirmation and Disconfirmation
- Interpersonal confirmation- the expressed value of another person
- Recognition-the expression of awareness of another person's existence
- Acknowledgment-attentive to what a person feels thinks or say
Gibbs 6 types of Defensive and Supportive climates (note that each is a contrastive pair)
- Evaluation versus Description- evaluative nature of language, we tend to feel defensive when others evaluate us
- Certainty versus Provisionalism- certainty suggest there is only one valid answer
- ethonocentrism-a perspective basedon the assumption taht our culture and its norms are the only right ones.
- Provisionalism-relies on tentative language to signal openess to other points of view
- Strategy versus Spotaneity- strategic aims to manipulate, spotaneous is open honest and non manipulative
- Control versus Problem Oientation- control dominate problem orientated resolving tenstion and problems
- Neutrality vs Empathy Neutral is indifference to others and what they say empathy confirsm the worth of others and shows concern for their thougths n felings
- Superiority vs Equality ppl feel on guard with people who act like there better than them compare to ease feeling of being equals
3 conflict orientations
- Lose-Lose approach to conflict assumes that conflict results in losses for everyone, presumes that conflict cannot produce positive outcomes
- Win-Lose one person wins at the expense of the others, the winner thinks that whatever one person gains is at the other's expense and that what one person loses benefits the other
- Win-Win view of conflict assumes that there are usually ways to resolve differences so that everyone gains, the goal is to come up with a resolution that is acceptable to everyone
Review the Guidelines for creating and sustaining healthy communication climates
- Communicate in ways that Confirm others
- Communicate in ways that confirm yourself
- Respect diversity among people
- Time conflict effectively
- Show grace when apropriate
What is the nature of the self & how is it created/sustained?
The self is an ever changing system of perspectives that is formed and sustained in communication with others and ourselves. it changes in responces to experiences of perspectives, communication is critically important in influencing on who were are and how we see ourselfs
Self-fulfilling prophecies: How are these related to the self? How is the self affected by them?
- self-fulfilling prophecies are expectations or judgments of ourselfs that we bring about through our own actions.
- this is a way communication helps shape and form the self
- we may label ourselfs as the ppl around ous do and acto to fulfill the lables we have internalized
the second perspective that influences how we see ourself, the collection of rules, roles and attitudes endorsed by the overall society and social communities in which we belong.
Particular others (& reflected appraisal)
- Particular others- the first perspectives that affect us are those of the particular others these are specific people who are especially significant to us and who shape how we see ourselves.
- reflected and appraisal is the looking self, the process of seeing ourselfs through the eyes of others.
What are identity scripts & how to they affect identity?
Itentity scrips are rules for living and identity, family memebers shae ours elf-concepts by communicating these identity scripts.
The 4 attachment styles—how is each created?
- Attachment styles are patternts of parenting that teach us how to view ourselves and personal relationshps, its a way parents communicate who we are.
- 4 styles
- Secure attachment
- fearful atachment
- dismissive attachment
- anxious/ambivalent attachment
Secure attachment style
develops when a child's primary caregiver responds in a consistent attentive and loving way to a child
Fearful attachment style
is cultivated when the caregiver communicates in negative, rejecting or even ab to a childusive ways
Dismissive attachment style
promoted by caregivers who are uninterested in, rejecting of, or abusive towards children. ppl who develop this style usually have a positive view of themselves and low regards for others
anxious/ambivalent attachment style
the most complex of the four, this si fostered by inconsistent treatment from the caregiver also unpredictable. this unpredictable creates great anxiety in a child and children usually thinks of themselfs as the source of any problems
What are social comparisons & how do we use them?
social comparison is our rating of ourselfs relative to others with respect to our talents, abilities, qualities and so forth, we use others to evaluate ourselfs when communicating with peers
What does uncertainty reduction theory explain, & how is it related to self-disclosure?
- uncertainty reduction theory asserts that people find uncertainly uncomfortable and so one are motivated to use communication to reduce uncertainty because we find it uncomfortable, and we use direct and indirect strategics to reduce it
- Self-disclosure is the revelation of personal information about ourselfs that others are unlikely to learn on their own.
- we self disclose when we express hopes and fears and feelings to relive uncomfortable feeling.
Look over the 4 areas identified as important to Western culture. Are these all the Generalized Other emphasizes in our culture? Is the G.O. based on fixed and objective categories? Do other cultures organize the G.O. in other workable ways?
- Modern western culture emphasizes race, gender, sexual orientation and socioeconomic level as key aspects of personal identity and value.
- Yes to all
What is self-sabotage? Is it related to self-fulfilling prophecy?
- Self-sabotage is self talk that communicates that we are no good that we can't do something that we can't change and so forth, undermines beliefe in ourself and motivation to change and grow.
- Self-fulfilling prophecy is actign in ways that bring about others or our own expectations or judgement of ourselfs
Nonverbal communication is
all forms of communication other than wonders themselves; including inflection and other vocal qualities as well as severa other behaviors such as shrugs, blushing and eye movements
Principles of Non verbal communication
- Nonverbal Communication is Ambiguous
- Do not know if we are understood or misunderstood
- Meanings vary over time
- Reflect and perpetuate distinct organizational identities
Learned and guided by rules – reduce amount of ambiguity
Nonverbal Behaviors Interact with Verbal Communication
Nonverbal behaviors may repeat verbal messages
- Nonverbal behaviors may highlight verbal communication, as
- when you use inflection to emphasize certain words
- Nonverbal communication may also complement, or add to,
Nonverbal behaviors may contradict verbal messages
We sometimes substitute nonverbal behaviors for verbal ones
Nonverbal Communication Regulates Interaction
Can organize interaction between people
- Although we’re usually unaware of how nonverbal actions
- regulate interaction, we rely on them to know when to speak and when to remain
Nonverbal Communication Establishes
- Some communication scholars call nonverbal communication
- “the relationship language” because it so often expresses how people feel about
- one another
- Use nonverbal communication to convey the three dimensions
- of relationship-level meanings:
- We use eye contact, inflections, facial expressions, and
- body posture to show interest in others
- Harmony in people’s postures and facial expressions may
- reflect how comfortable they are with each other
- Nonverbal behaviors are keen indicators of whether we feel
- positive or negative about others
Particular social groups instill more specific rules
Use to assert dominance and to negotiate status
Space also expresses power relationships
- A widely understood regulative communication rule is that
- people with status or power have the right to enter the space of people with
- less power, but the converse is not true
Space may reflect power differences between family members
- Silence, a powerful form of nonverbal communication, can
- also be a means of exerting control
Nonverbal Communication Reflects Cultural Values
Nonverbal patterns reflect rules of specific cultures
- Most nonverbal communication isn’t instinctual but is
- learned in the process of socialization
- Dress codes, territorialism, time-consciousness, touching,
- eye contact
Types of NV behavior (know all types & defs., as wellas primary research findings as listed in Wood)
- Refers to body position and body motions, including those of the face
- Nonverbal communication involving physical touch
- Physical Appearance
- We first notice obvious physical qualities such as sex, skin color, and size Based on physical qualities, we may make inferences about others’ personalities
- Personal objects we use to announce our identities and to personalize our environments Clothing, make-up and jewelry…
- Proxemics and Personal Space
- Refers to space and how we use it
- Environmental Factors
- Elements of settings that affect how we feel, think, and act
- Refers to how we perceive and use time to define identities and interaction We use time to negotiate and convey status
- Communication that is vocal but not actual words
- Sounds, such as murmurs and gasps, and vocal qualities, suchnas volume, rhythm, pitch, and inflection
- A lack of communicated soundnIt can communicate powerful messages