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What are the three transitional stages from singlehood to marriage?
- Happy honeymoon stage ( this stage is important to develope stable state of marriage)
- Dissillusionment and regrets ( partner may feel conflict and regrets, feel trapped in a situation that may not be escapable, in this stage hope and fantacy is replaced with disappointment and the incidence of divorce is increased before the first year of marriage) This stage is very important and it relates to power struggle which is activation of partners childhood wounds. most couples can pass this stage successfully with good communication and therapy.
- Accomedation which is adjusting one's expectations to realistic leves.
What are the criteria associated with accomidating and adjusting in 3 transitional stage:
Communication, self disclosure, agreed ground rules , conflict resolution skills and combination of care trust and hard work.
People tend to not ask questions from their partner if they feel that they would be rejected or embarrased.
Eventhough children can bring happiness and joy they can influance :
Sleep and expenses
Being a parent is .... not ....
Learned , Natural
Parents may call parenting challangeing/ interesting but never fun.
When can parenthood be Destructive?
Some people may not be ready to become parents , some are not even suited which can influance them and be destructive to the chid and even the society.
What was the value of the children to the family during the colonial ages.
- Children were asset to their family, and familiy represented the basic unit of production.
- Each new child was addition to source of labor force.
- Also children would help take care of parents during their older years.
It is now highly believed that in high industrialized societies children provide little or no economic benefit, they on the other hand have substantial cost associated with them.
What are the two cost categories associated with children?
- Direct cost ( out of pocket) : food, care, cloths, private schools
- Opportunity cost : an income that the woman gives up to stay home and take care of children.
How can we calculate the total cost for children:
Opportunity cost+ Direct cost
What are the percived values of children according to Hoffman and Manis ( Why so may people have children)
- Primary group ties, Affection ( acting as a buffer against loneliness)
- Stimulation and fun ( having children bring fun and joy) Expansion of self ( helps finiding meaning in life)
- Adult status and social Id ( seen as sign of maturity)
- Achivement/competancy and creativity
- Economic usefulness
- Mortality ( if I have a child I will be a better person)
What are the reason ( consious/unconsiuos) that people have children according to Berelson?
- 1. Personal and economic power
- 2.Competance ( look what I can do as an adult)
- 3. Personal status
- 4. Personal expansion
- 5. Personal experiance
- 6.Personal pleasure
What is the common factor in Berlson reasons why people have children:
What is the term childless replaced by nowadays?
How do educated woman feel about children?
They feel that children limit options and disrupt relationships.
What is the four stages of child free marriages according to veeveer?
- 1. postponing children for a difinate amount of time.
- 2. when time period occurs , postponing children for indefinate amount of time.
- 3. increasingly appreciate being child free.
- 4. desicion is made final.
Most marriages are egalitarian before birth of the first child . However after the first child's birth marriage becomes more traditional.
What is the pattern of doing the house work among men and women after baby is born according to robinson?
Non. employed mothers spent 7 times more then men in childcare activity and employed woman 2 times more then men.
What does the care of the men for the children include?
50% of the care involves playing with children.
What do fathers consider to be their most important role in the family?
Bringing home money
Accroding to barnhill what are the six tasks that new fathers have to go through?
- 1. decision making
- 2. mourning ( when new father gains the role of fatherhood he looses freedom and have more routine structure, he looses the wife's attention and looses the personal economic freedom and the relationship flexability)
- 3. Empathetic responding ( if father is not present during birth he may feel alianated with the child)
- 4. Integrating ( the new born must be integrated into his space, time and social space of the family)
- 5. Establishing new family boundries
- 6. Synergizing ( developing a sence of trust in child adequacy, marriage and himself, which referes to state of enhancement that occurs if father is able to achieve father/husband leve and succed in it)
What are the factors associated with marital adjustment?
- Martial quality ( sujective evaluation)
- Marital stability ( how marriage ends)
What is the defenition of the stable marriage?
Stable marriage ends only by death of a partner.
Many marriages of low quality may last where many marriages of high quality may end in divorce
What is the definition of the marital adjustment?
The degree in which couples fit together and satisfy needs, desires, expectations or simply how well they would get along.
According to Nye what are the roles that are assigned to man, woman or both in marriage?
- 1. housekeeper
- 2. provider
Who was the person that described the sphere of intrest vs. Roles and what it means by the sphere of intrest?
Scanzoni was the person to describe this phenomenon. the woman sphere of intrest included Housekeeping and childcare.
What does diatic adjustment mean?
It means the adjustment of two people to each other which is a continuing process and with each new change adjustment are required.
What are the stages of spanier dyatic adjustment scale:
- Dyatic satisfaction: extend to which couple is satisfied.
- Dyatic cohesion: does couple feel togetherness.
- Dyatic conseasus: how often do the couple agree
- Affectional Expression: how frequant partner reveal love.
What are the important component of marital adjustment?
agreement and togetherness
What is the solution when there are problems with individual needs?
According to Cuber and Harrof what are the five different marital adjustments and what categories they fall under?
- Utiletarian ( useful/ practical, married due to other reasons beside intimacy)
- Conflict habituated
- Devitlized ( first they are in love but as the time goes by they grow apart)
- Passive-congenial ( lacks depth from the start, lots of outside intrest)
- Intrensic ( couples who are bound emotionally and psychologically )
- Vital ( very alive marriage)
- Total ( they do everything together, this style of marriage can also be harmful because people become meshed together)
What does typology mean and who came up with this term?
Cuber and harrof described this term which means the study of types.
What are the exchanges that might be associated with marriage?
- Tanngible exchanges : Money
- Intabgible exchanges : expression of love , competance in carrying role, providing security
What does the term Resources include?
Anything that people can give to and take from considered a resource
What does Conflict mean?
Opposition or struggle for limited resources or disagreement over incompatible goals. Conflict is not always a bad thing, since it helps the couple grow
What are the main categories of conflict?
- Tremendous Trifles: disagreement about the day-day matter.
- Major Issues: Money, children , sex
Who would people deal with conflict?
- One may comprimise both needs to get satisfaction from both.
- One may stress one need before the other.
- One may meet certain needs in one relationship and some other in another.
According to David and Mira mace what are the types of conflict?
Basic ( No way to comprimese) Vs. Non.basic ( problem may be huge but there can be comprimise)
Situational ( realistic) Vs. Personality ( unrealistic)
What are the ways that people can negotiate and try to work and reduce conflict?
- Agreement as a gift ( the difference between this and giving in is that there would be no resentment , and this basically says I love you )
- Bargining ( making comperimise , do something that benefits both)
- Co-existance ( when differences are revealed by they can be lived with)
In an abusive relationship what are the goals of the abuser?
- Isolating the partner from people they care for
- Punishing for quick involvement
- Excessive jealousy
- Texting/calling and unexpected visits
- Keeping records
- Unrealistic expectations
- Low self esteem
- Blaming others
- Crulty to animals and children
- Verbal abuse
- Force during sexual act
- Unpredictable moods
- Past abusive behaviors
Statistics has shown that 65% of people who beat wife will also beat their children.
What are the four categories of abuse:
- Physical ( most abusive form)
- Psychological ( most destructive)
- Destruction of property
What are some characteristics of the psychological abuse?
- The victims body is not touched however, there can be emotional threats
- Forcing victim to do degreading things
- Controlling persons activities
- Constant attack on self.esteem by verbal abuse
- Doing things to intentionally frighten
Gelles and Straus studied the characteristics of family that may contribute to violance in family.
- Time at risk
- Intensity of envelvement
- Privacy ( when privacy is high degree of social control is low)
- Stress ( is a very important factor that can be eliminated)
- Extensive knowledge of social biology
Who developed the cycle of violace and what are the stages?
- Lennor walker developed this cycle and the stages are:
- Tension building ( when something is getting ready to blow up)
- Accute battering incident ( shortest part in the cycle and it does not have to be physical)
- Contrite and loving stage ( abuser feels genuanly sorry)
What is the reason most woman stay in an abusive relationship?
Because of the contrite and the loving stage that would give woman hope especially if they are emotionally investing in the relationship. Also because of children, getting attention, financial insecurities, fear, low self.esteem
As the time goes by the cycle speeds up where the line between tension building and accute battering can't be deliniated and the cycle intensifies.
How is abusive behavior developed?
It is a learned behavior which can be a response to stress.
What are some characteristics of abusers?
- They come from all groups
- Minimize abusive behavior
- They have impulsive behavior
- Dependent and passive
- Irrational jealosy
What are the three steps that must be taken when pepole want to leave an abusive relationship?
- Leave and take the children
- Seek medical attention
- Police and legal assistance
What are the six stages in long term marriage with children?
- Newly married
- Early parenthood
- Later parenthood
- Empty nest ( can be hard for mother-centered families)
- Retirement ( hard for the man and feels like empty nest)
- Widowed singleness
What are the two biggest enemies of the retired person?
When does empty nest start and when does it end?
This stage starts when children leave home and ends when retirement stages gets close
What is the difference between retirement in rural and urban are?
The process of retirement is gradual in the rural area. when it is abrupt in the urban areas, when it is usually a set age or reaching working a certain number of years. this stage is a period of disengagement.
What is retirement usually associated with?
it is associated with less money . decreased health and increased loneliness ( money and health are the two important factors)
What is the process of retirement of the staying home mother?
It is a gradual process for staying home mothers and it starts at the empty nest stage.
What is the number of seniors who are in the state of severe poverty?
1/3 and 40% of those over age of 65 have long term chronic conditions that can interfere with daily activities.
How would grandparents describe roles of grand parenting?
Joy of physical contact, companionship, feeling of usefulness and pleasure w/o responsibilities
Why was it said that by Oscar wild that divorces were made in heaven?
Back then it was impossible to obtain divorce, to help perseve the idea of the nuclear family.
When was the turning point of marriage and divorce?
It was 1974 were more marriages ended in divorce then by death ( water-shed)
If current trend of divorce continus who much of the population will be divorce?
50% of people between age of 29-35 will be divorced by the age of 75.
What is the trend of divorce ?
Divorce increase from North to South and East to West.
What is the divorce trend in california?
2/3 of marriages end in divorce because there are decreased leves of social integration and increased levels of mobility
What tends to decrease divorce rates?
Association with religion
What is crutial in the process of divorce?
It is not the divorce itself it is the act of separation. Divorce is the legal fact that follows emotional factor of separation.
What are the stages of marital breakdown?
- Isolation ( starting to feel like stranges)
- Invalidation ( takes energy and it is rude actions)
- Betrayal ( infidility and affair, in this stage they may start argument in public and take side with other people)
What is the definition of attatchement according to weiss?
A bonding to other gives rise to feeling at homeness and ease when other is present of not present and feflt to be accessible.
What are the factors affecting separation distress?
- Forewarning ( the more you know someone the easier it would be)
- Two year mark
- Hard for both ( leaver feels guiit)
- Finding someone new
- Quality of post marital
Who developed the 6 stages of why people have kids?
Hoffman and manning ( Affection, Expansion, Stimulation, Competancy,Usefullness and Mortality, Identity)
Who looked at the reasons that people have children and what were those steps?
- Power, Competancy, Status, Experiance, Expansion, Pleasure
Who looked at the four stages of the delayed parenthood?
Who looked at the six stages of fatherhood?
- Desicion making
who developed the role assignment?
Who developed the adjustment scale?
What are the stages of marital adjustment and who developed it ?
- Cuber and Harrof
- The two categories were
- Utilitarian ( Passive, divitalized, conflic habituated)
- Intrinsic ( vital, total)
What were the types of conflict and who developed them?
- David and mira Mace
- Basic Vs. non basic
- Situational Vs. Personality
Who developed what causes the conflict and violance in families?
Gelles and Strous
- Extensive Knowledge